In order to keep the fire of passion burning in women, you need to surprise them once in a while with a little departure from the routine.

Bolatito Olaitan

One of the reasons men give for cheating is that they are bored with their marriages. They say being married to the same person for a long period of time takes the thrill away, so they go outside to look for excitement in the arms of other women.

Unfortunately, in our society, women are never taken into consideration on this issue. The reality is that women get bored in their marriages too. Take a critically look at your marriage and ask yourself some honest questions. Have you noticed that you and your wife rarely have things to talk about? Did you notice that you guys are just another married couple sitting in your sitting room surfing on the internet on your separate phones? Be honest with yourself, you have noticed lately that you both sound so disconnected and she has probably mentioned that a number of times but you ignored her. For instance, Mrs Tega has been married for fifteen years to the same man, with four children born in quick succession. She is always busy with the children and housekeeping that there is little or no time left for romance. The truth is that there are so many women who are like Mrs Tega, their whole lives centre around house chores, school runs and probably a career. There is always a lull in marriages when all excitements and thrills have gone with the wind.

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Although, many Nigerian women are good at concealing this fact because we were all raised to please our husbands no matter what happens. No wonder many Nigerian women find solace in religion, which is why they listen more to their pastors than their husbands. That is why many women prefer to spend hours in church than to be with their husbands at home. Religion is like a sort of escapism for them, dissipating energies on chasing demons rather than staying at home with their husbands. Do I blame them? Of course I don’t! Not even with the boredom of sex and social life they have to grapple with.

It is a pity that only very few Nigerian men understand that passion is connected to newness, variety
as well as the unexpected. In order to keep the fire of passion burning in women, you need to surprise them once in a while with a little departure from the routine. What was once magic for her may no longer be magic now. So, you need to keep looking out for things to nourish the love you share. Sometimes when some men call me on phone and tell me that their wives cheated and that they did all for her but she still went ahead to cheat. I do tell them that though their wives have no reasons to cheat, but that they also have their own share of the blame by deliberately allowing the passion to fade away. They allowed their wives to rekindle old flames because they felt giving their wives money would make up for everything. You should know that money can’t replace passion.

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Moreover, fitness experts know that if you do a certain exercise for a long and your body adjusts to it, it becomes less efficient. The same thing happens to your wives. So, treat her with passionate shocks often.

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Stop the pretence that your wife is happy with the domesticity and routine; constantly surprise her in
a good way. Wives are not robots; they have blood flowing through their veins. They watch romantic comedies which often rekindles the old fantasy about your relationship. Haven’t you wondered why your wife gets so glued to Telemudo and Zee world that she sometimes gets the food burnt? Haven’t you noticed that she neglects some core duties in the home when it is time for these television soap operas? In case you are ignorant about these, for some of these ardent audience of these television love stories, it is a way of escaping from reality, a world that can never be theirs. They find the kind of romance they have always dreamed of in these series and it takes them so far away from reality.

I am not saying that these women don’t love their husbands again, that’s far from the truth. They are still deeply in love with the men in their lives, but they feel trapped in a stale marriage and wish their husbands can go back to the good-old-days when their love was still very strong. When the excitement is waning in a marriage and staying with your husband seems more like a chore, I think it is reasonable to take action before your marriage tumbles down the hill.

The most disturbing of all is that boredom in marriages can lead to infidelity, alcohol and pornography addictions, religious fanaticism and so on. So, stop taking your wife complaints for granted!

Dear Nigerian men, you should stop feeling entitled that women should be the only ones to salvage a bad marriage. You should also work on your marriages. Listen more to your wife and work to create a new marriage from within. Flush out all bottled emotions and create happiness in your home. Sort out all issues you have tucked away with her and I am sure this will make you happier in your marriage.

Do something new, go for date nights, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Surprise her with a weekend getaway. Be spontaneous, there is nothing as thrilling as taking out time out of schedule to do something for your wife. Many research findings have shown that couples who share new and exciting experiences together are more committed to their relationship.

Spice up your sex life, talk to her honestly about her sexual desires and make sure you guys are well connected sexually. The problem is that in most marriages, many wives see sex as a marital chore. But the truth is that when this begins to happen, there will be a lack of sexual connection and this will affect the entire relationship. Make sure that the sexual relationship between you and your wife should always be fresh and it should be what you both look forward to. Sex shouldn’t be a routine; it should be adventurous and exciting.

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However, I will like to emphasize this with women; being married doesn’t mean your social life should stop. Spend time with other people other than your husband. Pursue hobbies and tackle new goals all these are important to your individual growth. You shouldn’t be stagnant because you are a Mrs. If you decide to stand still while the whole world is spinning, you will get bored easily. The mistake many women make is that they stop living right after marriage. But you need to keep moving and doing your own thing so that you will have stories to share with your husband after the day.

Nigerian husbands, if you really love your wife and want to keep your home, always think of your marriage as a kind of pet that needs to be fed and taken for a walk frequently.