kate halim
Do you feel as if your partner is belittling you? Are you tired of telling your partner to stop hurting you with their words and actions and they tell you that you are just making a mountain out of a molehill?
Is your partner outrightly disrespectful and belittles you just to feel good about themselves? Are you tired of explaining how their actions are affecting your relationship with no results?
These men and women shared with Saturday Sun how their partners belittle them and how much it is hurting their relationship.
Gloria: He questions my choices all the time
While questions and communication are a part of a romantic relationship, the kinds of questions my man asks me are signs that he’s belittling me.
He criticizes my dresses, my hair, my friendships, my dreams and my job. He doesn’t believe a woman can completely take charge of her life without the support of a man. He always gives me the impression that I am not capable to make these choices for myself. He needs to trust me to be an adult and not try to treat me like a child because he’s a man. It’s not right. I don’t see our relationship going anywhere and I will break up with him soon because I value my peace of mind over everything.
Abayomi: She criticizes me for trivial matters
On a day when you had a huge work victory and are feeling really good about yourself, your partner suddenly finds a small issue to criticize you on, that action kills your morale.
My girlfriend is fond of bringing up the way I am not orderly at home whenever I tell her something good that happened to me. She is good at criticizing my actions and throwing my weaknesses in my face at every turn.
If she really loves me and supports me, she shouldn’t be trying to make me feel bad and useless all the time. I know I am not perfect but telling me all the wrong things I am doing without praising me for my strengths is demoralizing.
Naomi: He is fond of telling people about my mistakes
My boyfriend of a year is fond of telling people about my mistakes. On double dates or at family dinners, he always finds the time to tell a funny story about an incidence in which I messed up. He tries to cover up this jab by using a loving, teasing tone, but I have told him many times that that incident upset me and telling people who didn’t ask him about it hurts me but he seems to enjoy it. The way this guy belittles me and toys with my feelings is heartbreaking.
He tells me that I cannot do many things right because I am slow. He reminds me that bad luck is following me because of some of the tragedies my family has suffered in recent times. Honestly, I am tired of this relationship. This is not the kind of man I want to marry. He will abuse my family members at the slightest provocation.
Joseph: She compares me to other men all the time
My partner is fond of mentioning how her friend’s boyfriend or husband always goes on date nights monthly and how they spend money on these women. She tells me that she is wasting her time with me because I cannot afford to give her some of the material things she wants. I may not be the picture-perfect boyfriend but I am trying my best.
I want to be a real man who truly loves his woman and proves it with the things I can afford. I am not in competition with anyone but she doesn’t want to understand this. She compares me to other men all the time and it hurts.
My heart is slowly drifting away from her even though we are planning to get married soon. She is putting me under unnecessary pressure just to keep up with other people. It is unfair and selfish for her to keep belittling me this way.
I don’t enjoy being criticized by the woman who should be my backbone and support. Sometimes, I avoid her just to have peace and quiet.
Annette: He makes me feel bad for my sexual needs
When a man is really uncomfortable with you being career-oriented, or simply having a life outside of him, he can start to be passive about sex. If you try to initiate it he might say things like, “Is our entire relationship about sex to you?” or “You are never satisfied.”
It’s his small way of making you feel bad for having traits he deems masculine like a work ethic and a sex drive. My fiancé is good at saying horrible things to me whenever he is angry with me and doesn’t want me to do my job well.
I earn three times what he earns and somehow it is my fault that our relationship is not going well because I don’t have time for him when I am working. I have explained that I love what I do many times but he punishes me with sex. It’s not fair. I love him.
Johnson: She tells me that I can’t trust my feelings
As a man, when you feel worked up about something, or passionate about a project you would like to dive into, your partner says things like, “You get like this every few months and you get over it” or “You should sleep on it—you are just in a bad mood.” She is essentially implying you are a little child whose feelings cannot be trusted.
My girl is fond of telling me to take things easy because I lack the intelligence and capability to handle huge projects. I have begged her many times to stop saying that to me and support me even if she feels like I am making a mistake but she won’t listen.
Nwanneka: He wants me to change my appearance
I have been dating a guy for months now and the only problem we have is him trying to change how I dress and my everyday appearance.
He says things like, ‘If you want to be taken seriously, you should put your hair back’ or ‘you will look more professional if you stop wearing bright colors.’
It would be nice if he knew how his words are hurting me. He tells me he is wiser and older than me and I should listen to him if I want to get far in my career.
Dorcas: He is fond of answering questions for me
My husband of three years is getting on my nerves. He is fond of answering questions for me as if I don’t have the brain to answer questions for myself. He acts as if he knows everything and I am a dunce.
I have begged him many times to stop treating me like an idiot but he says men were created with heavenly wisdom and know how things work better than women. I am at my wit’s end because my family members are beginning to notice how much he belittles me and they are not happy about it.
If friends or family ask me about my work, my husband answers for me, giving very short replies that barely do justice to the question. He inserts himself in my conversations and gives funny answers to whoever I am talking with.