For 38 years, Elder (Dr) Okpara Ekuma Osim and Mrs Veronica Osim have been together as husband and wife. A doctor of veterinary medicine from the prestigious University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN), Okpara hails from Opi community while his wife, a journalist, hails from Ndukwe community both in Amasiri town in Afikpo North Local Government Area of Ebonyi State. She is the current chair, Nigeria Union of Journalists [NUJ], Ebonyi State Council. The duo walked down the aisle in 1980 and the union produced five children. In this interview with OBINNA ODOGWU, they revealed the secret of their love.
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While we thank God for the miraculous thing He has done for you and your wife, could you tell us how you met before two of you got married?
Husband: We are from the same town. She was in school while I was in school too. During holidays, occasionally we see our girls and do some little chatting. That’s how we met. There was no other formal meeting. We met when she came down from Cameroon as a student.
Wife: He just met me. I think during the holidays. He came back from University of Nigeria, Nsukka. I was in secondary school then.
Was there any opposition from anywhere: relatives, friends, concerning your marriage?
Husband: Well, there was opposition from young men from her community. They showed some opposition. When I told my dad about it, he said that if there is a good girl from a particular compound, people from her community would like to marry her; that they would not allow the girl to go out of their community. On that note, he said that it was not an opposition. He said that they were doing what they were supposed to do. But there was no opposition from her family.
Wife: My friends opposed it, plenty of them. They did but God wanted it that way. There was opposition from friends. They advised me not to marry him. As God would have it, I ended up marrying him. During our time, you must obey your parents and if the person comes from a good background, good parents; you accept if your parents say so. There would be no point opposing your parents. In our days, children used to obey their parents and in my own family, it is a law.
What made you decide to go for your wife out of the many ladies available for a pick within that period?
Husband: Like I told you earlier, first of all, I was an undergraduate at that time. I was about graduating. Definitely, you would go for somebody who is intelligent. And so, we had to ask questions. In fact, she was called Amasiri Queen in her school. She was very beautiful, likeable, admirable, and intelligent. So that’s why I went for her.
What qualities made you choose him above other eligible bachelors or suitors within that period?
Wife: Well, I chose him because God said so. I was in the Scripture Union (SU); I used to pray. And I knew from my heart that he was the one. Finally, I accepted.
How did you propose to her? What exactly did you say to her as to make her accept to marry you?
Husband: We met, discussed, and agreed. The next thing was to tell our parents. I told my father and he welcomed it. He decided to meet with her parents and the grandfather because the two of them were almost in the same age bracket. In fact, the grandfather said no. Why did he say no? That her father wanted a piece of land from my father and my father refused to sell to him (Laughs) But her father said that that cannot be an issue; that his daughter would marry. So, when I proposed to her, I told her that I would like to marry her. That was exactly what I told her.
Was there any courtship between the two of you?
Husband: There was no courtship before we married. But we communicated through letters. Her advisers would say no. They discouraged her. But I used to get information from her school because I had people in her school who gave me information. So, we continued writing until we agreed to marry.
What did you say when he proposed? What exactly did he say and what was your reply?
Wife: When he proposed I told him that I was not ready yet because I was a student and I wanted my academics to come first before marriage. It was not a thing of one day; it lingered for about two years. But finally I agreed.
What do you remember most about your wedding?
Husband: First of all, there was traditional marriage. We married in our traditional way. It was a very glamorous event because of the crowd that escorted her to my place. The formal wedding took place in Abakaliki.
Wife: I remember that it rained so much. It was on a Sunday and so after the church service everybody came there including the choir. The crowd was unprecedented. It was a memorable day. On the day that my first daughter wedded it was raining, the photographer that covered the event, Mr Nwobodo, said ‘ah, let me be taking my pictures; after all, it rained the day your mother wedded. So, I am not afraid let it rain.’ That was the comment, our own photographer in 1980 made in 2013 when my daughter got married. So he was there again. That was quite memorable. I think the choir did well too. The choirmaster, Mr Eze, sang out his heart that day. It was a Presbyterian Church. I was a catholic and so, those from the Catholic Church were there too. Incidentally, the Catechist of my church came from his own community. In fact, he was my husband’s cousin. And so, it was like a marriage of two churches. So it was memorable.
Could you remember your first misunderstanding in marriage and how did you handle it?
Husband: I really can’t remember any misunderstanding because since that day we married, if we have any problem, we handle it there and everybody forgets about it. We don’t allow it to get to the next day. I can’t really spot out any issue I can call misunderstanding.
Wife: I can’t remember because I am trying to place my mind to know when there was a misunderstanding that attracted people or anyone to come and ask what the problem was. I can’t remember. We have always settled within the house and it must be that day.
What’s your husband/wife’s favourite food?
Husband: Her favourite food is rice. However, she decides what we eat and I don’t complain because of the love and interest.
Wife: He eats what I eat.
And, what do you like most about your spouse?
Husband: She is intelligent, beautiful, and very understanding. She is humble and respectful. She is kind-hearted and generous. She doesn’t carry grievances.
Wife: He is very truthful to the core and he tells the truth at all times no matter whose ox is gored. With him, the truth must be said. That’s him. He is a good man.
What areas would you like to see him/her improve?
Husband: That’s a very big question. As a human being there must be room for improvement otherwise she becomes God. Like I said, we have never had any misunderstanding. I would want her to reduce the rate she gives things to people. She gives too much. Half of her salary goes out to people. However, I don’t see it as a problem as far as God provides for us.
Wife: My husband is just good. I love him. (She turns to her husband) and says: I told you to finish up the book you started writing since. You have many things to write about. You should come up with that book that you have been writing for long. You have to bring it out. (Then she turns to you) and says: He has a lot of unpublished works especially on his profession and on religious matters. He preaches so well.
What advice do you have for a young bachelor who intends to marry?
Husband: Many people think that marriage is so difficult but it not true. It is how you make it that it would be. I will normally like to advise people that when they want to marry they should recognize that two people are coming from different backgrounds and it requires respect and understanding. Once you respect and understand your partner, there would be little or no problem. Once you have respect for your wife and your wife has respect for you, that would help the marriage. If you can’t tell your partner the truth, you are creating a crack. So, I will advise young couples to respect and understand their partners.
What advice do you have for a spinster who intends to marry?
Wife: I will tell her not to expect perfection as no one is perfect except God. You don’t expect 100 percent perfection from any living being. We all have little faults that can be overlooked. Now, when you are going out to marry somebody, you should have respect for the person, the woman especially. The woman should know that the man is the head. That’s the way God made it. Spinsters or newly married couples should have patience. Rome was not built in a day. You have to wait; a little patience, understanding, tolerance, so that things will move well. And above all, you should be disciplined. People should have large heart; forgiving heart. You should be able to forgive somebody no matter what. And then, like I used to tell people; I believe in the golden rule that says ‘do unto others what you want them to do unto you.’ When I was getting married my mother asked me: ‘How would you like somebody to treat your elder brother? Would you like his wife to insult your mother?’ ‘Where you are going to, your mother-in-law is now your mother. Treat her as such. Whatever you want to give to me, also give to her. Whatever you want to do for me, do for her.’ And I agreed and maintained that. And I think it has worked for me.
