Lai Mohammed is a classical case. What a study in absurdity. What a minister in his own world of oddities. This eerie species of character is something else.
Just when foes think he is down and out. Just when they clink glasses. In the nick of time, he springs a wild surprise. And for the wrong reason. Almost all the time.
He’s Minister, Information and Culture, in the fading President Muhammadu Buhari regime. That is where he holds sway tightly. He is enjoying it to the fullest. Notwithstanding. He must expire on May 29, 2023.
He conceptualises his script. Writes it in his own weird style. He acts it in his usual eerie element. Of course, directs it as his queer spirit leads him.
By the time he’s done. He has an unconventional production on his lap. When he saunters to the cinema with it, all ears, eyes are glued to the screen. All mouths wide open.
Suddenly, the reel rolls to an unpleasant end. His audience even becomes more confused. Some agitated. Others in excruciating pains.
Why give us a rough ride? They wonder angrily aloud. So far so harsh. No clear message is passed. Nothing sinks. Everything is missing. Everything is broken.
Nothing sticks in their memories. Except a legion of deceit, lies, guile, hoax, ruse and their likes, cousins and uncles.
Lai does not play with his plays. Neither does he joke with them. He attacks each with the seriousness he thinks it deserves. You can’t deny him his cranky constituent. Even friends and foes are at synergy on this. It’s one rare meeting point for them.
He is determined. His mission must be accomplished. So? He opted for the unthinkable, the unethical. He “gate-crashed” into Washington DC, United States. That itself was a display of crass incompetence.
He was in US to make a failed defence of his masters. For worse and the worst. The regime he has served for eight straight years. It was an exceptional display of inferiority complex. It sparked off an uncanny love for bondage, slavery.
Like living in our ugly past. Only a government of low esteem does that and sees nothing wrong in it. Absolutely. In fact, it cherishes and celebrates it with relish. The reason Lai crashed again. That attempt was a monumental failure.
Pa Edwin Clark is elder statesman. He opted for the other side of the divide. He has his own intimidating antecedents. He has been around for sometime now. He will be 96 years on May 25, 2023. It’s safe to say he has seen it all.
He was once in the trenches. He understands the bumpy terrain too well. It is a familiar passage to tread. He fought the British colonialists alongside other nationalists. He used the platform of the National Council of Nigeria and the Cameroons (NCNC). That changed to the National Convention of Nigerian Citizens in the course of time.
In the Second Republic, he was a National Party of Nigeria (NPN) stalwart. He now leads the Pan-Niger Delta Forum (PANDEF). So also the Southern and Middle Belt Leaders Forum (SMBLF).
Even beyond that. Clark was Federal Commissioner for Information. That was under the military junta of General Yakubu Gowon. He abhors Lai’s shenanigans with disgust. He sees him as an Egyptian plague. Highly contagious! He won’t tolerate him. Not even a bit. And he didn’t fail to say so. He would not hide his feelings.
This elder statesman is restless and restive. He won’t rest on his oars yet. He chooses not to keep quiet. Neither will he remain silent in the face of falsehood.
Last Easter, Clark was daring again. He showcased the hard stuff he is made of. He displayed uncommon dexterity.
He did that to the best of his ability that Sunday. The festive period could not stop him from opening up. He would not be blind to the gospel truth. He really poured out.
He was genuinely furious. No pretence, no bluffing. The reason he fumed the way he fumed. He is not given to frivolities. Triviality couldn’t have been on his cards.
So? He literally threw himself into archives. He dug deep. He burnt the midnight candle without nightmares. And it paid him off handsomely. What he unearthed was wholesome, quite revealing. And baffling too!
Armed to the teeth, he took on enfant terrible Lai Mohammed. He came out hard on him, for good reason. The minister crossed his red line. And Clark crushed him.
He not only took him to the cleaners, he tore him to shreds. Mohammed holds sway at Information and Culture Ministry. The same ministry Clark held spellbound 50 years ago!
That is why Clark is at a great loss. The curious manner Lai does his job is disheartening. And he’s not scared to tell it to his face. No ambiguity: “For me to see what Lai Mohammed is doing with the office today is disappointing.”
Sampler: “His recent sojourn to the United States of America (USA), on the issue of Interim National Government (ING)…to me, is an effort in futility.” Why? His apt response:
“Lai Mohammed did not base his accusations on any report or information given by any state agency. But on mere propaganda targeted at destroying the reputation of an innocent citizen.”
Peter Obi is Clark’s reference here. Obi contested the presidential election on the platform of the Labour Party. He was allotted the third place. Lai had on April 5, 2023, issued a threat far away in Washington DC.
He was dead serious. He said Obi and his running mate, Datti Baba-Ahmed, risked being prosecuted for treason. His vague and dubious reason: Their utterances since they lost the election.
Clark did not take kindly to this: “Lai did not base his information on any credible intelligence report from the state agencies, but on propaganda and falsity.”
He then turned the tables against Lai: “He should be charged for spreading an unhealthy (piece of) information and fake news against an innocent Nigerian who has proven his worth in the country. Mohammed used his exalted office to commit this perfidy.”
One question he wants Lai to answer. And honestly too: “On what platform, at what time and in what manner did Obi make the supposed treasonable or seditious remarks?” He accused him of beating about the bush.
Clark then unveiled what he found in the archives to rubbish Lai. He reminded him, in case he pretended he forgot. Calls for an interim government didn’t start today. Not even after the election.
Evidence: “Legal icon and elder statesman, Aare Afe Babalola, says an interim government should replace the current administration at the expiration of President Muhammadu Buhari’s tenure in 2023.”
The founder of Afe Babalola University (ABUAD), Ado-Ekiti, made this innocent and honest submission on Monday, April 18, 2022.
The elder statesman relies heavily on People Gazette News of February 4, 2023: “Bola Tinubu says there are plots by powerful forces in government to use violence to disrupt the 2023 general election and impose an interim government.
‘“They want to provoke you to violence, so that election will be disrupted and postponed, and they can cunningly introduce an interim government, that’s their plot. But this will backfire because we are wiser,’ Mr. Tinubu said.”
Clark saw tomorrow. He saw this mess coming long ago. Yes, he did. Even before any of these characters in government.
And he vehemently stood against it. He raised the alarm. They ignored him to their peril.
His open testimony: “Indeed, since this Fourth Republic, which we have since 1999, other national leaders have said more serious and what may even be regarded as incendiary statements in the course of the elections.
“This forced me on May 9, 2015, to write a letter to the then Speaker, House of Representatives, Aminu Tambuwal, in reaction to a motion. Some members of the House had in a selective manner insisted that Alhaji Muhajideen Asari Dokubo and one Kingsley Kuku should be investigated over statements that they made.”
Clark was emphatic and thorough in his search. He brought back what Alhaji Lawal Kaita, 80, said before the 2015 elections. He was a governor of old Kaduna State.
He attained that feat amid controversies in 1981. It was after the manipulated impeachment of Balarabe Musa. And he became the first Nigerian state governor to be so treated. Even at that old age then, Kaita still spit fire:
“A northerner must emerge in 2015 or Nigeria will divide. We hear rumours all over that Jonathan is planning to contest in 2015. Well, the country will be prepared if the country remains one. That is if the country remains, if not everybody can go his way.”
What would a Lai Mohammed call this? How would he approach Kaita; kudos, knocks or both? His was a clarion call to war. It threatened our very existence as a nation. Reckless as it was grossly irresponsible.
This Kaita would not be deterred. He ranted and raved uncontrollably: “The North is determined, if it happens, to make the country ungovernable for President Jonathan or any other southerner who finds his way into the seat of power on the platform of the PDP.”
His pent-up anger rose: “Jonathan has to go and he will go. Even if he uses incumbency power to get the nomination from the governors of the PDP, we will frustrate him out.” And that was exactly what they did!
The present town criers in government are such bizarre species. They never saw anything amiss with that outburst. No alarm was raised. Of course, the threats came from their camp.
Clark was troubled as he continued digging. The more he dug, the messier it was. But he would not stop. He would not be discouraged. This is the hair-raising result of his doggedness. His exact words:
“Even more troubling, during the same era, General Muhammadu Buhari then a candidate for the presidency under CPC stated, ‘there may be no Nigeria. I draw with Somalia so many times (Somalisation of Nigeria).’
“It was the same line of thought that my friend and former Minister of Finance and who at a time also served as Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria, Mallam Adamu Ciroma, stated, ‘like you know, Hausa land was in crisis for over 200 years and God brought Usman dan Fodio…For me, I have no doubt and I have not lost my faith that God can bring someone to clean the mess we are in now.”’
It was on this premise that Buhari rode to power in 2015. No wonder things happened the manner they happened. The reason they would not tolerate what they did to us. They couldn’t stand it.
Lai carried the onslaught to foreign lands. He tried hard to change the obvious narratives. He wanted to do the impossible. He vowed. The 2023 elections must be deodorised.
He got alien observers to tell us we did not see what we saw. Or we did not hear what we heard. That we did not go through what we went through. Or what happened never happened.
Those are the lies Lai told Jonnie Carson to lie to us. He even presented to the US media his “facts of the just concluded polls as against skewed narratives of the opposition and naysayers.”
So? The European Union, USA, United Kingdom never saw well. Their reports of the elections were “skewed narratives.”
Lai certainly bit off more than he could chew. To ventilate the 2023 elections as free and fair is missing the point. Outright! Their warped reason: They claimed certain VIPs lost their bases to the elections.
And that made it free and fair? No fair mind will sanitise these 2023 polls as free and fair. None.
Welcome to our minister’s world of absurdities, oddities, et al.