“I have no friends and family to run to or talk to. I wish to break loose from her grip, and I wish to reach out to my family and friends. Help me”
Amaka Nicholas
“I was full of life and rich. My friends and siblings are not doing badly themselves, we take turns to visit one another or hang out most weekends.
My friends have amazing wives who go out of their way to prepare for our visits whenever it is their turn to host us.
I introduced my wife to be to my clique of friends and family. She’s beautiful, welcoming, with a charming smile and in no time, we got married.
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Trouble however started when she tried to isolate me from everyone else. She gave my friends who showed up at our door unannounced a very cold reception.
She also blatantly told another how she hates his guts and influence on me. She told him she’s not comfortable with him around our home. She advised him to learn how to stay in his own house and not go about other people’s homes to disturb their peace.
I vehemently distanced myself from her action and outburst by calling her to order, but she never changed. Instead she hated them the more and she doesn’t hide it.
My friends and family have all stopped visiting my house, even those who live 4 blocks away. They have also stopped including me in their plans.
My wife has taken over, she has become my one and only friend. I have no one except her, but that is not even enough for her. She makes me feel like I’m not smart enough by running my life.
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Today, I’m a shadow of myself, she manipulates me into doing a lot of things for her family, including sending two of her siblings to school abroad.
I have no friends and family to run to or talk to. I wish to break loose from her grip, and I wish to reach out to my family and friends. Help me”
– Anonymous
The above was sent to me by a man who desperately needs help. I’m sharing it here so that you readers can be part of the solution to his dilemma.
It is understandable when a woman seek to isolate her partner from his friends of questionable character or never do well, toxic and controlling parents and family members, but I don’t understand why a woman would want to severe every ties her husband has with his family and friends including step-children who have nothing but love, kindness and loyalty for him just because he is married to her.
Most partners who by all means try to isolate their partner from friends and family are covert narcissists who will do anything for you to become totally reliant on them.
They act like they know better than you or those around you, therefore the need to decide who you associate with.
They can stir up arguments on purpose, cook up stories against your family and friends so as to get them in your bad books to further destroy the friendship and bond between you. They never take responsibility for their actions.
They always put you in awkward positions where you have to choose who to support between your family, friends and themselves. Narcissists are all about divide and conquer so as to have you where they want you.
They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, always engaging in mind games, that way they get to exert power and reinforce their independence. They isolate you to establish control as the most important and powerful person in your life.
Unfortunately, they often give good first impression because they are charismatic, charming, and fascinating, but it is often in the short term, long-term relationships pose a serious challenge for them because of their entitlement and exploitativeness
Marriage to them is a long and confusing emotional roller-coaster ride. All of your attention and time go to them, yet they constantly criticize you for not meeting their needs. They are takers rather than givers.
They need to control your life for you to behave properly so they can get what they want to improve their own situation, their family or advance in some way. In other words, they manipulate you to achieve their goals.
Self-care should be a top priority for you right now. It’s important for you to take part in activities that make you feel good about yourself and reconnecting with your family and friends is top on the list. Isolating yourself from such people and activities like your narcissistic partner wants may spell doom for you in the long run.
READ ALSO: Characteristics of healthy relationships
Do the things you love, just for you. Go hang out with friends, reach out to your siblings, it doesn’t matter if she refuses to go with you or she disapproves of it.
Never let her get you to that place nothing is about you any longer, combat feeling inadequate, be a little selfish, you don’t need her permission or approval. Set specific, measurable, realistic and attainable personal goals, if she nags and whines about it, smile and tell her she will be fine at last.
Do not allow your narcissistic partner kill you before your time. You are not the cause of their misery and insecurities, they need a professional help, not reducing you to who you are not just for them to feel better about themselves.