By Bolatito Adebayo
Renowned marriage counsellor, Pastor Bisi Adewale, has identified faulty foundation and materialism as the major reason why marital union of individuals are often short-lived and end in divorce.
Pastor Adewale, who spoke with Sunday Sun against the background of the storm buffeting the marriage of Mercy Aigbe and her husband, blamed the easy recourse of celebrity couples to take to social media platforms to display every little problem that they encounter in their marriage.
His words: “The first thing I would like to state is that people going to the social media at the slightest problem in their marriage should stop doing so because I see this as very childish and wrong. However, one of the reasons celebrity marriages crash is because a lot of people when going into marriage set up a faulty foundation. One simple example is where a lady knows that someone is already married but she still goes ahead to get pregnant for that person. You should know that what he did to the other woman he left for you, is the same he is going to do to you.”
He added: “Some of these people base their marriages on beauty, glamour while some focus on money. That is why you see that majority of them always marry billionaires. They marry rich persons and most of the time they don’t have authentic love, they have romantic love and this kind of love can’t build marriages because romantic love is like flame of fire, which burns out after a while. But authentic love is like a coal of fire that can sustain a long lasting relationship and marriage. So, faulty foundation, fake love and pleasing their fans are responsible for the high rate of failed marriages among celebrities. Also, many of them don’t get their priorities right. But when your career comes first then your marriage will be in trouble.”
Asked if marrying late could be attributed for the failed marriages, he said that the delay should rather be an added advantage and explained: “I think that should be a plus because they are more matured at this age. Pressures from people shouldn’t even come in because as soon as you are matured enough, you should be responsible for your choices. We can’t blame anybody for their failed marriages because you will find out that in most of these marriages, the parents were against the union but because of money, beauty, glamour and things they can gain from it they won’t listen to anyone.
“Another thing is that many of these celebrities can‘t tell the difference between realities and make-believe life. They think the glamour should extend to the home but they should know that when you get home you are a wife and not a celebrity. If you want to be a celebrity then forget marriage; if you want people to worship you like your fans then there will be a clash in the home. Even if you are a male or female celebrity, when you are at home put aside your celebrity status and be a lover boy or girl.”
Adewale disagrees with the widely held belief that celebrities are more prone to wrong choices in marital matters because they are more exposed to the world than an ordinary person, arguing that “making choices is not about a person’s celebrity status but it is more about values. If you have right values you won’t go wrong on your choices.”
He counseled that celebrities going into marriage shouldn’t marry for money. He said: “They should open their eyes and marry people who genuinely love them. They should not marry for money. Also they should be able to differentiate between a make believe life and real life.”
Interestingly, a recent research study showed that an average couple has a 32 per cent chance of divorce within their lifetime. Celebrities, however, have a 38 per cent chance of divorce within 10 years.
Another research showed that in their domestic lives these people experience even more pain and suffering than ordinary people. They create a false impression and so they are subjected to even greater pressures when things go wrong. To an extent this research looks true because the divorce rates are high and heart breaking amongst famous people in Nigeria.
Moreover, famous people get the rest of the society all dazzled with expensive weddings, state of the art wedding cakes, limousines for the brides and grooms and expensive wedding dresses. But all too often these fairy tale weddings are followed in quick succession by a bitter and psychologically tortuous divorce.
In Nigeria, the list is endless, Tonto Dikeh and Oladunni Churchill, Mercy Aigbe and Lanre Gentry, Muma Gee and Prince Eke, Ubi Franklin and Lilian Esoro, Toyin Aimakhu and Adeniyi Johnson, Toke Makinwa and Maje Ayida, all these marital unions broke up recently. All the marriages were under five years, except Mercy Aigbe’s marriage. All these marriages made the gossip mill active and social media platforms were practically set on fire as these marriages crashed and became rubble as it were.
Domestic violence was involved in some of the celebrity marriages. For these reason, Adewale advised that people caught up in domestic violence should seek counsel.
“I will not say you should sit down there and do nothing because I can’t tell you to move out. Everyone in a violent marriage knows when best to make such decisions but they should both seek counsel. In an abusive marriage nobody is right but the abuser takes the bulk of the blame. I know there are men who are abused too but immediately an abuser raises his/her hand to hit the other person the person will become his victim. That is why we tell men to remain gentlemen in marriage and not ruffians.”
The question remains, is love still very much alive among celebrities? The answer is in the womb of time.