Men’s inadequacy in the other room and its general management have been a big question begging for an answer over the years. It is one factor that devastates the heart of women, who become victims in such relationships, be it marital or otherwise. Erectile dysfunction, weakness and poor penetration have become a nightmare for several women. The situation brings shame if not properly managed, especially by the men folk. The illness comes with humiliation for both the man and the woman. The situation gets worse when the men so affected simply choose to clam up over the problem. The result is that bedroom activities suffer, though there are different degrees of severity from one couple to the other.  

Research studies have proved that the situation varies. In some cases, some men could be very active and sexually smart but not healthy enough to achieve the desired result which is pregnancy. Some could have poor erection but when they manage to find their way into the right corner, the effort results in a goal scored. Again, not all men are blessed with good sizeable organ, even though it does not guarantee satisfaction.

Now, when a woman finds herself in such a situation shrouded in secrecy, what is expected of her? More especially, when such a woman is married to man who comes naturally poor in sexual exploits no matter how hard they try to fix it. Well, it has led to relationship damage, passed off as ‘irreconcilable differences.’

The very first answer to every difficult situation is looking up to God the owner and giver of life; He has the final say. There is no circumstance that is greater than the Almighty God, only if we believe.

But there are cases where people would apply the human knowledge instead of seeking the face of God. Family members, friends, colleagues and associates might counsel a woman in this situation wrongly to look outside and get that required satisfaction, get pregnant and have a child outside the matrimonial home and all that. The question is: has someone sought the face of one’s creator in truth and in holiness? God has never failed and will never fail. 

Again, have men who exhibit poor performance, sought the advice and intervention of medical practitioners? One discovers it might be a very simple therapy that will take care of the problem after all the hullabaloo. It will be in the interest of the men to discuss their problem with their partners and seek for the solution together. The couple should see a medical doctor and a psychologist together and not individually. Also, they should take their medications together. It is so heart breaking when two who should work together begin to hide and separate under such condition, it means they do not have plans to resolve the problem. There have been cases where doctors teach or introduce a vacuum pump that creates a pumping sensation this generates the blood flow needed for an erection. Both should be together to learn and know this. The essence of seeing medical practitioners may not only be for treatment but to also teach the couple how to create some fun in the other room without penetration.

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There are other forms of foreplay and manual pleasure that can be equally satisfying. It has been recommended that couples experiment with varieties to discover what will work for them. The most is to focus less on performance and more on creating a pleasure zone. Maybe an expectation free hand job is just the way to help the man to relax. Relationship building techniques that explore pleasure and reconnection outside of genital-focused touch is much needed in this situation.

Now, a man could also have health challenges in the groin area and not be aware of the problem. For instance, a man could be very active as a young fellow but begin to decline with time. When a husband begins to make frequent trips to the bathroom, or taking time to empty his bladder or is producing less semen, gaining unnecessary weight or other changes to his physique, there is need to run to visit the doctor, because a number of common sexual and reproductive health conditions can develop at any state and age of a man. He might need you as his woman to encourage him with kind words to heal from the inside while he gets effective treatment.

I recall how a close sister once said that her situation was the worst before friends taught her what she needed to know. “We met as young Christian lovers on campus, who were also virgins as at that time. We took our relationship to the next level and tied the nuptial knot after our graduation. Initially, with my husband’s erectile dysfunction, I managed the situation thinking he would improve with time since he had not had any sexual relationship with any other lady. It did not occur to me to seek for help medically or otherwise due to my religious predispositions. As naïve as I was, I thought it was very normal to manage whatever that comes your way in marriage. But I did not also realize how I needed a strong man to take care of my high libido. We managed the situation prayerfully and otherwise, until I was gainfully employed as a secretary in one of the top financial institutions. My boss who was the financial director would admire me all day, pay me compliments, buy me gifts when he travelled outside the country. I would get home to tell my husband that my boss was so nice to me. It was during the burial of my boss’ mother that my eyes were opened. He had arranged that I get into his town early enough to organize and prepare for our staff who would visit the next day. As soon as I arrived at the airport, he drove me to the hotel and before I could say jack, he had run over me. I realized it was something different, stronger, fuller, more satisfying and more enjoyable to say the truth. It was from the experience of that trip that power changed hands automatically. At home, my husband realized that something strange had happened to me. It was not too long I left him, rented an apartment and had two children for my boss.”

Hmmm! If one should analyze this sister’s account, the men folk in our midst would crucify her while some would applaud her for fulfilling the motherhood gap. But on the other hand, even as a Christian she claimed to be, she did not fulfil her marital vow. She committed adultery and tasted sugarcane outside her home and everything she built together with her husband became a thing of the past.  

In another instance, Mrs. James (not real name) was so willing to stick to her poor-performing man, but each time she went for treatment, the result would show that her man who would never get near the hospital had infected her again.

In conclusion, sexual relationship is a free gift to married couple; it is important, should be mutually satisfying and can unite a husband and wife emotionally and spiritually, not just physically. It has been proven that couples who have sex regularly are happier. Lack of it can cause problems and strain the marital relationship. However, where a woman thinks of it, desires, eager and ready but cannot get it the way she wants, it is not the end of the world.