LEST I am misconstrued, my especial intervention entitled “Final word on Ubani’s serial idiocies”, published in DAILY SUN of September 16, 2016, has nothing to do with this tripartite story which ends today. The promise was with respect to the interminable diatribes of this bumpkin on the former governor of Abia State, Dr. Orji Uzor Kalu and my humble self.
This is the conclusion of the matter on the whimsical nonentity called Don Ubani, a busker before former Senate President, Chief Adolphus Wabara, took him to Abuja for boyish errands. Just in case you missed the two previous entries of this triad, I effortlessly buttressed the fact that this mercenary and mercantilist clustered by abject penury was the most deployed instrumentality of hate by the misadventure symbolized by the worst governor of Abia State (2007-2015), Theodore Ahamefule Orji.
As I round off the treble, I will close in on the emptiness of the charlatanistic numbskull beginning with his dubious nomenclatural ascription. “DON” stands for Dennis Ogbonnaya Ngozi.
On why he decided to use the first letters of his names as his name (as a sort of acronym), those who know him closely intimated me to the interconnectedness between this duplicitous behaviour and his dropping out of the Rivers State College of Education which explains his lack of scholastic certification today, hence his unemployable status!
Another dubiousness of Don Ubani, a reprehensible product of single-parenthood, is that he claims to come from Asa when indeed he is from Ngwa land going by his questionable paternity—not place of domicile over the years as he purports. A man’s maternal home cannot be his place of birth. Only Don Ubani, grassroots insiders from Ukwa East and West LGs will appreciate the embarrassing nitty-gritty of this lugubrious birth, arrested childhood and despicable adulthood. It is scandalously confounding like a maze of ring prostitution adulterously involving an outcast divorcee-mother from Ukwa East infidelity axis (no pun intended).
I can now rationalize why Don’s father had to inevitably curse him for idiotically, unwittingly and unconscionably declaring himself an offspring of illegitimacy by stupidly taking sides with his late mother! This also is justificatory of his floundering from one ad hoc dirty job to another in the political realm since 1990. The perpetual irrevocability of the well-deserved curse explains the unfortunate and pitiable mood of garrulous Don Ubani. The dire consequences will trail him till his eventual cockroach-like death because of his earthly obscenities.
Truly, I sympathize with this smallish Ngwa man on account of his cursed life. If I had known this long before now I would not have been responding to his derangement over Dr. Kalu and me. Don Ubani is down and out in life hence he is ready to loquaciously disparage anyone provided the bloody pay is right! He has no scruples about amnesic ingratitude or sheer calumniation of people whose vehicle drivers cannot be compared to (not ‘with’, in this context) an accursed thug-cum-attack dog signposted by Don Ubani.
If I were Don (God forbid!) I would have lived a reclusive life of taciturnity so much so that nobody will ever know I exist or get to make a public spectacle of the curse as typified by his acerbic interjections. In the unfortunate situation Don Ubani has himself, if I were in his shoes (which is impossible, anyway), I will not take on an eminent entrepreneur/astute politician/publisher of racy newspapers, or a distinguished and celebrated columnist, no matter the mobilization fee or anticipatory recompense. In what professional capacity or existential competency should Don Ubani be demonizing men whose profundity of backgrounds is light years ahead of the bingo under focus? Must a cursed beast be so shameless as to forget his leprous circumstances?
It is equally regrettable that a scion of deviancy, like Don Ubani, whose two younger siblings (half-brothers) have a father different from his—but the same mother—should have the foolish boldness, the chimerical audacity, the mercurial effrontery, the beastly temerity and barefaced shamelessness to mudsling the personages of my principal (OUK) and this writer at the power-drunk instance of a perpetually inebriate scoundrel named T. A. Orji.
How on earth could have T. A. Orji made this brief (pint-sized) braggart without any profound academic and employment antecedents whatsoever the Commissioner for information and Strategy in God’s Own State with a superfluity of highly cerebral human capital comprising eminent professors, multiple degree holders and experienced editors all distinguished professionals with national and global acclaim?
Nigerian politics is still at the pedestrian and patronizing level. This is why Don Ubani, who is unfit to be an office assistant—a messenger—in any institutionalized corporate office can become a commissioner! It explains the retrogression in the worst state in Nigeria in terms of development from 2007 to May 29, 2015. With a “short engine” like Don Ubani in charge of a critical ministry, it is not surprising that my state stagnated throughout T. A. Orji’s dismal tenure.
Nobody should blame Don Ubani for the official reward he got from his benefactor-governor for futilely “demystifying” the man who unilaterally brought his master to the limelight, against massive wise counsel by those who saw tomorrow. If Dr. Kalu had not single-handed installed T. A. Orji in 2007 there would not have been the accident of a man from a broken home becoming a commissioner in Abia of all states. Compare that travesty with Lagos State of today where you have an urbane gentleman with a robust pedigree, a thoroughbred professional, editor par excellence and Great Ife of profuse intellect, Mr. Steve Ayorinde, heading the Information and Strategy Ministry—not a college of education dropout as obtained during the inglorious days of brutish ochendoism in Abia State not long ago when information management was stood on its head, a fallout of the poorest governance in recent times.
In this kamikaze pugilism in the media (including new technologies), there can’t be any question of litigation against The Sun and me because this obstreperous buffoon had fictively and in lunacy libeled me immeasurably on multifarious (online and offline) platforms! Dr. Kalu and I cannot drag the whippersnapper to court because he is so poor and famished that he cannot pay any damages. And we shall not, consequently, pursue his maximum imprisonment because he craves such concomitant free/government cuisine (and prison uniform)!
Never again would there be the dastardly combination of this cruel and querulous duo—Lilliputian mediocrities—exemplified by T. A. Orji and Don (Ubani?) in the history of Abia!
No word on this hustler-for-life ever again! DON, cursed you are eternally! It will never be good with you and your erstwhile sponsor. Amen.
NEXT WEEK: Completion of my two-part sizzling article on “Editors, banking and PR: A critique”.
T. A. Orji’s hacks (1): Don Ubani (3)
