I live deliberately. I’m not a desperate person. Life is to me is not a “do or die” affair.
Many years ago, I told myself that if I get to a certain age and still single, I would deliberately get pregnant and have a child or two. The plan was either to achieve this through a sperm bank or have unprotected sex with a boyfriend or a man I consider decent enough.
I was even more than willing to explore the option of a surrogate. I’ll pay a woman to carry and birth my child. I’m not one to be held to ransom because I must be married in order to have children. I didn’t want any one to remind me that time is going and my biological clock is ticking.
All these were options for me and I was working twice as hard for a better life. Whatever my last resort, it would be a win-win situation for me. If I get married, I’m still rich, if I end up a single parent, I can cater for whatever life I have chosen for myself and my child. The aim is not to be broke and financially dependent on anyone even if I’m married. I love to have my own money.
But life took a different turn for my family a few years after that projection and all my plans came to a halt. My mother had an accident that left her battling for life. While on her recovery journey, I got to that certain age I made projections about but my plans came to a halt and it was not because I’m helpless or I had no other options. My plans came to a halt because I chose to live deliberately. For every decision I make, it must be something I’m ready to live with.
At that time, there were both married and single men offering to be my baby Daddy. They even suggested it to me and they are rich as well. All I needed to do was say ‘yes’ and sign some papers. There were some married men offering me the second wife card. And I also had the choice of having unprotected sex and getting knocked up by my boyfriend and having a child.
There were single men who proposed to marry me but I saw some red flags that I obviously couldn’t live with. Guess what? I didn’t key into any of the above options and it was not because of anything aside the fact that I was in a financial mess myself.
My monthly salary at the time couldn’t even buy the drugs my mother needed in a month, not to talk of paying for physiotherapy or the hired nurses salaries and it couldn’t feed us for a month.
You can imagine me in such financial mess, while depending on my family and friends pitching in to make sure we stayed afloat, and I got pregnant. It doesn’t matter that I’m a woman and my biological clock is ticking. Just imagine a grown broke woman getting pregnant, who do I want to depend on to cater for me while pregnant? Ohhh yes! the baby’s Daddy right? What if he decides to ghost me after I got pregnant? What becomes of me, my child, sick mother and workers etc?
My family and friends would still inherit my own self inflicted problem. I will have to depend on them to support me basically on everything I want to do for myself and the child. I shall never be this unfortunate and unkind to myself, my child, family and friends. That means I take their benevolence for granted.
Everyday, men and women who have no jobs or earning meagre amounts that cannot even feed them properly or pay their rents without friends and family pitching in will call you to announce that they are either pregnant or they have impregnated somebody’s child. You are struggling to survive and you are having unprotected sex? What really are your plans? Is it that you don’t love yourself or you just like to be miserable?
You are pregnant or you have impregnated a girl, you are reaching out to the same people who have been your helpers to announce that your problem has added wings. You are even reeling out plans and the financial assistance you need. You obviously are insensitive and do not have shame. Stop having unprotected sex if you are not financially ready to live up to your responsibilities. Impregnating or getting knocked up is not something you call people to help you raise funds to cater for. Plan your life and live deliberately.
You see this saying “as money no gree come, make we just marry born children, as person don dey old”. It is a saying rooted in generational poverty.
Before you impregnate a woman or get knocked up, be able to afford the basic things of life. Pay for a roof over your head, be able to feed yourself and another, have at least an income to keep you afloat. Do not start a family hoping to transfer the burden to your helpers or relatives. That is the height of irresponsibility.
Plan for a better future. Work hard at it everyday and until you are in a better place to take care of your responsibilities, continue to live deliberately.
Use protection. It doesn’t matter if “time is going” because age is no longer on your side. You need to love yourself too much and love your unborn child even more. Until you can afford it, practice safe sex or abstinence.