Even if you vow not to marry a single mother as a man, this doesn’t stop these women from dating and marrying better men who know their worth.

Kate Halim

I laugh when some people talk down on single mothers. Yet these same slimy individuals sneak into these women’s phones and inboxes to demand free sex.

You come out publicly to shame single mothers, women who decided to stand up for their children while the cowards who impregnated them took out to continue living fine boy lives. Don’t you see that you are the one who clearly lacks wisdom?

You call single mothers all sorts of names because you feel you are righteous or blameless yet you have left your wife in your bedroom on different occasions to go beg your underage house help for sex. Do you still think you have the moral justification to shame single mothers?

You claim single mothers are loose women who have sex with different men yet in your 6 year marriage, you have slept with over ten girls. You slut shame single mothers yet you have been chasing your neighbour’s teenage daughter for over a year for sex and buying her things that you haven’t even bought for your wife. Shame on you!

Single mothers are the real deal. They are not to be toyed with or slut shamed by hypocrites who jump from inbox to inbox displaying pictures of their penis to strangers on social media. They are not pretenders who say one thing in public and do another thing in private.

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Even if you vow not to marry a single mother as a man, this doesn’t stop these women from dating and marrying better men who know their worth. It doesn’t stop them from choosing to fall in love again and be loved by real men who don’t judge them.

When a woman is single and has children, dating can be challenging but it’s possible. Before she had children, defining the ideal boyfriend might have been more about having fun, being playful attractive, and being a good friend.

But once children are in the picture, a woman needs to look for more than just those things in a partner. The important character traits in a potential companion have new meaning when the single mom takes into account the potential of a relationship that involves her children.

Single mothers who want to venture into dating again should look out for some traits in their companions that will be attractive to them and positive for her children. You don’t need a man who dislikes your child or children. You have no business with such an immature being.

Your potential partner should be patient. One important characteristic for a single mom’s companion is patience. If you are dating a man who is not patient with you because you have a child or children, you don’t have to go further with that person. Children need to feel that the adults in their lives are patient with them during their growing up processes.

Mothers know that even the best children can test their patience, and any potential boyfriend or companion needs to exhibit patience in different settings. Mothers need to evaluate how their dating companions react in situations where patience is needed with regards to their child or children.

The fact that you are a single mother doesn’t mean that you should settle for anybody you meet. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice to choose the kind of man you want to be with. And you must not settle for an ugly guy because this society lies to you that men are scarce. Men are not scarce but you have to set standards otherwise you will fall for any beast just to be in a relationship.

A single mom should feel attracted to her prospective companion and feel a connection to him. It is not enough to only see him as a potential stepdad for her kids. The couple need their own spark. They need to enjoy each other’s companionship in order for the children to be open to a relationship with him.

READ ALSO: What single dads should seek in a companion

As a single mother, your potential companion needs to take pride in his appearance and be someone your children would want to be around. He shouldn’t be dirty, tacky and looking like a tout. What kind of example will that kind of man set for your children? Your man must be neat, clean and handsome too.

Your potential companion should love your kids like his own. This is very important. If your potential boyfriend has children of his own, he should be open to bringing other children into his life. A single mom should observe how he interacts with other children, her own or others. She should watch to see if he really enjoys being with them.

Many boyfriends try too hard to get the kids to like him and end up being manipulated by them. He needs to be able to be tough enough to not give in and still be a good listener and a good friend.

You must not hide your children from your potential boyfriend. Women who do this are annoying. Why would you hide your child because of a man? Let him know upfront that they are the most important thing to you. If he can’t deal with it, let him go away on time and make way for a better man.

Make sure your potential companion is emotionally secure. He will likely have some interaction with your child’s father and that can often be problematic. This can ruin your relationship if he’s insecure. A single mom’s boyfriend needs to be secure enough with himself that he will not create drama or play games because he is jealous of an ex-boyfriend or ex-spouse.

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Your potential companion should be real and down to earth. Children can sense when an adult is being deceptive. Your companion should not be fake or try to be someone he is not. Make sure he’s not pretending to like your child.

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He should be a good listener and also communicate well. Single moms need to be aware of how effectively a possible companion interacts with others, listens, and speaks in social settings. Does he listen well to you? Does he communicate facts and feelings honestly but kindly? Don’t overlook these things because you want to desperately be in a relationship.

A good companion for a single mom with children will look for the good in others and will speak positively of them. Someone who always seems to find the worst part of people will not be a good match for your children. He might destroy their self esteem with his hurtful words.

He should be a good friend to you. This is among the most essential elements of any relationship. Does your intended companion show respect and loyalty in the relationship? Does he care about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing or is it always all about him? Seeing how he acts around you and his friends will offer some important clues about how he will act around your children.

A companion who is in control of his life and makes decisions based on values and principles rather than on a whim or in the heat of the moment is one to be sought after. If he is impulsive, controlling, and abusive, he could be a liability to your children in that relationship.

Children of single moms need some extra care and concern. And while these mothers need to have social interactions with adults in adult situations, they also need to make sure that the companions with whom they spend time and get close to will be a good fit with their children and their family situation.

Dear single mothers, don’t rush into a relationship with a man you don’t know well. Don’t expose your children to harm, hurt and abuse. Be firm about the qualities you want in a man and don’t compromise. You deserve all the good things you desire in life, don’t allow anyone tell you otherwise.



I enjoyed your write up immensely on relationships rules for men. It’s like you were taking the words out of my mouth. We live in a society where women feel they are dispensable, it is a pity. If I state my opinion regarding this issue, I am no longer a wife material but a feminist. So, I thank you for writing. –Saadatu, Kano

Relationship rules men must follow is really wonderful. How I wish men will listen to your advice and make a u-turn so that they can enjoy better relationships. –Scholar, Calabar

Kate, continue with your educative column. If some married people feel it is not useful to them, you are educating young singles on the best ways to live their lives regarding relationships and marriage. Continue to enlighten us according to the dictates of your conscience.

–O.J. Segun, Lagos

Your write-up is superb and educative. I agree with you that men and women should build their relationships together. This is because anything worth doing is worth doing well.

–Adeyemi Adesina, Ibadan

I believe God is using you to create checks and balances in relationships. Don’t allow those angry people kill your morale. We love what you write and your haters love it too, they are just pretending. May your ink never run dry. God will give you more wisdom, knowledge and understanding to continue your good work.

-Amoo Tunde, Bauchi

Kate, wonderful sermon you have here for us men. I have being looking forward for such, but you are rather too harsh as if you are pissed off with men.

–Edidiong, Uyo

I hardly react to issues but I must do this for you. I don’t miss Saturday Sun newspapers because of you. I follow you like a cult. I respect your brilliance and salute your courage. Despite the constant attacks by some devil’s agents, you not only keep your cool but you are even courageous enough to publish their unprintable insults. What a rare virtue! Never let these demons stop you from your God-given assignment here on earth. Many African women are silently dying in the name of marriage and nobody seems to be talking. Yours is like a lone voice. My late mom was a victim and I hate to see any woman being hurt. I can die fighting for this course.

–Elijah, Lagos

You are a journalist who is supposed to entertain, inform and educate people and you are doing just that. Continue to write what you know is right and educative in your mind in spite of the negative criticisms you get. –Okey, Imo

Your article is so nice that I wished all men out there would read and learn from it. Men tend to think they are superior and when they have money, women must bow and lick their feet. You are really good and may God bless your brain and pen. Continue the good work. –Daisy, Imo