“I’m in my early 30’s and I have a girl I wish to settle down with. She’s a good person but I’m afraid she may not be real after all. Could you suggest possible tests i can put her through to determine she will make a good wife? Thank you in anticipation of your response.” I got this message in my mail. 

I get messages like this all the time from men. As a single lady myself, I have heard some bizarre tests men put women through.

Case in point: 

One time, a friend told me lots of stories of several tests he put his wife through before he finally proposed to her. These stories were meant to encourage me to conform so I can be found a worthy wife material.

One of the tests was beyond ridiculous.

They both live in the same city, while she lived with her parents on the other side of town. She always visited him on his own side of town, even though she never agrees to pass the night at his place no matter how much he tried to persuade her.

On one of her visits, he requested she passed the night, and she refused again. He was to drop her off at home, but instead of driving her home he drove to a popular Den of pleasure merchants in town.

While in the car with her, he beckoned on a pimp, gave him specifications for a woman for an all night romp. The pimp asked him to hold on a minute, variety will be brought so he makes his choice.

He revealed that he just put up the act that he could get any woman he wanted even though he didn’t mean it. It worked because his girlfriend changed her mind and followed him back to his house. She spent the night at his place for the first time.

He went further to say that “men do things to test the women they like and most times women fail to just play along to get what they want. Most women just feel disrespected, and walk away not knowing they are undergoing a test.”

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I was in total disbelief. This is how some men beat up their girlfriends and claim they were testing them. I fail to see the test she passed by going back to his house to pass the night instead of heading home as she intended. What he did was clearly disrespectful.

No wonder a lot of men wake up to total strangers in marriage? These mind games we play is almost like encouraging women to just conform or camouflage to pass some senseless tests just so they are seen as marriageable material. Putting someone to test is a gate way to a life style of pretense, it has been proven time and time again.

If you find a woman you wish to spend the rest of your life with because she checks off almost all your boxes. Go right ahead and forget about those mind games that complicates every good thing.

These manipulative tests serve no purpose in the long run because people would react differently when faced with same or different circumstances. We all look simple to a large extent, but when our lives or pride is on the line, we may find out we are very calculative killers. Do not expose people to temptation in whatever guise, even the holy book warned against such.

If you find a woman you want to settle down with and want to understand her true feelings, you must observe certain subtle behavioral patterns or signs.

Are you both compatible? Compatibility is more important than love. It is the key to a life long relationship. Does she share same core values as you? Is she kind, compassionate, honest, smart and intelligent? Does she have a positive outlook, makes compromise and sacrifices when necessary?

She finds your jokes funny. She’s jealous, yet in control of her emotions. She remains calm even during arguments and tries to calm you down when you are upset. She does foolish things with you sometimes like dancing in the rain, singing out loudly to your favorite songs while together. She supports your goals, dreams, aspirations and pursues hers as well. She does not bear grudges for long.

She’s an attentive listener and good conversationalist. She likes your company, has no problem spending more time with you. She takes responsibilities and apologizes when she’s wrong. She loves and respects you, makes you happy etc. Don’t spoil a good relationship with foolish tests.

She may not be so domesticated or able to prepare a five hundred naira pot of soup, yet she has a creative mind that can birth a five million naira business idea at one sitting and she loves and respects you. She’s a gold mine sir, therefore ride on her strengths rather than dwelling on her weaknesses.