•Stakeholders unlock secrets of raising good children, teenagers, young adults
By Sunday Ani
On Saturday, July 1, over 500 parents, comprising mothers mainly, were brought together in Festac, Lagos, to be tutored on the secrets of good parenting at a programme organized by a nongovernmental organisation, I Need to Know Foundation.
Themed “Parenting against all odds,” the founder of the NGO and convener of the programme, Vivian Kayode-Yusuf, said she was moved to organise the programme following years of interactions with teenagers, children and young adults. She noted that, following her interactions with them over time, she felt there was a need to also follow up on parents.
This, according to her, was because, no matter what the foundation does with the teenagers, if there was no follow-up on what it has done so far, its efforts would amount to nothing. She said: “So, we saw the need to also bring parents into the picture. It will amaze you that most of these children are, in themselves, actually good.
“A lot of them have their parents as their problems because we have a lot of absentee parents, as one of our speakers had already pointed out; absentee parents that are too busy doing nothing in particular. I always tell parents that, if you make all the money in the world and at the end of the day their children are nowhere to be found, the money will be useless because they will have nobody to spend the money on.”
She stressed that good parenting requires that parents should be around and available for their children: “We need parents that will groom these children because once the home is intact and settled; it will create ripple effects on society at large. Parents must think the way these children think in their world.
“There is no way you are going to bring up children in this 21st century the way we were brought in our own time. The children of today are so inquisitive that if you ask them to do anything, they must ask you why and if you don’t provide the right answers, there are people out there, a lot of wolves out there, who are waiting to give the answers.
“Unfortunately, most of these answers are wrong. So, it is important you step into their world and give them a listening ear.”
She lamented that a lot of parents have failed in this regard because they are not always there for their children. She advised that parents can only know their children when they step into their children’s world. This year’s programme, according to the founder, was the third in the series, having organized the maiden edition in 2021. She noted that even though they were yet to get sponsors, the event would be held annually.
She harped on the need to instill good values in children, as such values have a ripple effect on them in future. She said: “If you have a good home, good family and good parenting background, it would reflect when you are older, whether you are in politics or in business; wherever you find yourself in future. These same children are the ones who will become presidents, governors, legislators, doctors, lawyers, engineers and what have you in their own chosen careers.
“The foundation you give them today goes a long way to determine their personality in future and the way they will also parent their own children. So, a failed society starts from home. That is why it is said that charity starts at home.”
On the progress and success of the programme, she said: “We have been growing in grace. The first year was good, the second year was better and this third year is even the best. I think the awareness is gradually increasing and people are becoming more interested. And again, parents are now becoming more intentional about their children. Quite a number of parents are now getting involved, unlike before.”
However, taking the parents through the rudiments of good parenting, the guest lecturer, Rev. Funke Felix-Adejumo, listed four kinds of parents to include absentee, permissive, abusive parents and participatory parents.
She warned that parents should do everything possible not to be absent from the upbringing and lives of their children, even as she cautioned against being too permissive as to condone the excesses of the children, particularly female children and their dress modes.
She also advised parents to note that the current generation was different from their generation and as such they cannot apply the same mechanisms their parents used on them for their children. “The illiterates of the 21st century are not people that cannot read or write, they are people that cannot unlearn. So, we need to start learning to understand that this generation we are dealing with is knowledge-based. It is not labour-based like our own, so let’s love them, train them, befriend them, and listen to them because they have feelings too,” she advised.
She came hard on absentee parents, saying: “They may not be there physically because they are too busy with ministries or business and career, while house helps and their mothers are helping to raise their kids. There is nothing wrong with having a house help or having your mother raise your children but that is not the primary guardian for your child. The child you nurture today will nourish you in the evening of your life. You cannot afford to be an absentee parent pursuing everything.”
She also advised fathers to be involved by engaging in school runs and helping their children with assignments.
“Don’t be an absentee father. Spend time with your daughters. Prepare them for marriage. Let your children know that marriage is not what determines their lives, so they must not die in an abusive marriage. Spend time with your children; where are the fathers?
“Do not be an absentee father. The only person that can die for the church has died, his name is Jesus Christ; so, don’t die for any church. The generation of your children will either bless or curse you, depending on what you said to them. Know the number of children you can bear and rear; don’t give birth to children every year,” she cautioned.
She called for more conferences on parenting, saying: “Programmes like this are encouraged because they are very relevant. In fact, I expected more fathers here because we really need this kind of information. There is a time bomb that is clicking. We need to start investing into our children because the children that you nurture will nourish you in old age.”