The cougars and their cubs are evidence that older women no longer give a hoot about what people say. They are embracing their sexuality.
Bolatito Olaitan
Patriarchy! The system that dishes out rules and regulations on how a woman should live her life. The unfair one who thinks one gender is superior to the other. They say women should always be shorter, earn lesser, thinner, and younger than their love interest. Yes. It is acceptable for an older man to marry a younger girl but highly unacceptable for an older woman to date a younger man. Older men are sexy, mature, and attractive and like old wine, they get better as they age. But for the older woman, she is slutty, foolish, wrinkled and irresponsible.
READ ALSO: Hey single girl, don’t be a patriarchy princess
I have been told that a man can walk up to any woman irrespective of her class, position, wealth, beauty and age. I have been told that a woman can never be higher than a man and in fact that she should be grateful that a man is giving her a second look. My thoughts today are on how our society is trying hard to push the older woman out of the dating pool. Just like they keep reeling out rules to govern our lives, they never get tired even when we are older. While it is the natural order for sugar daddies to fall for women with the most fruitful ovarian reserve, it is a no-no for sugar mummies to fall in love with young virile men. Of course, what will a young attractive man be doing with a menopausal woman? Even when the young man is hopelessly in love with her that can’t be. Oh! She must have charmed him. The old witch must be using his destiny. Yeah!
That’s what we get to hear. We say all these because we feel it is a taboo. But when a powerful man marries a young lady, then we turn around to say that “age is nothing but a number.”
An 80-year-old man can marry a 21-year-old girl. Oh poor thing, he needs a young girl to take care of him before he dies. But when an 80-year-old woman finds love in the arms of a 40-year-old woman we will start screaming ourselves hoarse.
Unfortunately, for these women, the young women who sleep with older men are the ones scorned while the young men who sleep with older women are only playing around or just found favour in the eyes of these women. We women are always the target! Everywhere, the older women are fighting for a place
in the dating pool. Women are being deprived of their sexual authority while men are encouraged to abuse theirs. That’s why it is easier for a male business tycoon to bed his secretary and the predatory male teacher can easily lure an underage student for a long time. And when the cat is let out of the bag, the unfaithful business tycoon and the predatory teacher can easily get away from all these because it wasn’t their fault. They were seduced by the daughters of Eve. I think that’s insane.
However, I am not here to cajole you to change your mind and accept these things. Not at all. I am here to inform you that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it because these days, cougars are one the rise. There is a crazy cougar trend in town. The cougars and their cubs are evidence that older women no longer give a hoot about what people say. They are embracing their sexuality. What you guys saw between Tiwa and Wizkid in the music video for Fever is just the tip of the iceberg. Although, we still can’t verify the story but let me assure you that it was a tease. Very soon we will be having more of such relationships out in the open. And I will be very glad to see that ugly frown on your brows. Mr and Mrs Patriarchy, you better stop getting your blood pressure high on things that are not your business. Remember these people didn’t commit any crime and they are adults. In as much as they are happy together, please keep your opinion to yourself. I don’t want you barging into my inbox preaching to me on this. If anyone makes a choice about something you feel is a sin, leave them to deal with it with their God. If you understand the gift of free will you learn to mind your business better. It is not your duty to correct any adult in as much as they are not your relations. Even when they are related to you, you only give advice but you can’t shove it down their throats. Respect people’s decisions. Respect boundaries. The reality of older women dating younger men only shows that there is a shift in the modern relationship. Women are more driven, powerful and so they are now chasing whatever makes them happy. And they get it!
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Just before I round off, I want to ask: why do we call older men sugar daddies and older women cougars? I think calling an older woman a cougar is a way of saying she is a predator, the one who is interested in hunting down a prey. While calling someone a sugar daddy isn’t even derogatory at all, it is only a reaffirmation of an older man, father-figure role to provide material things to a younger woman who is like a child to him.
It is high time the double standards stopped. Ageing for women shouldn’t be a humiliating process of gradual sexual disqualification. If the society can be permissive about ageing men they should do the same thing too for ageing women. We all have blood flowing in our veins!
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Re: 419: When a spouse is obtained by deceit…
Bola, many thanks for this piece on 419 spouse obtained by deceit. From the bible stand no liar, deceiver, pretender, hypocrite, wicked person, tormentor, inconsiderate and heartless fellow is a Christian. The deceiver and impotent man and deceiver wombless woman are not Christians.
— Pastor Stephen Abuja
Bolatito, thanks immensely for your four cases of enlightenment on page 47 of Sunday Sun. You are doing people in courtship a lot of favour. God bless. Please, what is the meaning of your name Bolatitio? Your admirer.
Bolatito, you are simply anti-establishment, against men, African culture, matrimony and religion. No church forces couples to stay together after couples discover a cover-up by a partner. Any man that hides impotence or a woman who doesn’t have a womb and calls for a wedding that means they just held a party to entertain relatives and friends. That wedding was void. Please stop attacking God-ordained institutions.
— Ezugwu E. Ajaokuta
I am delighted over your article in Sunday Sun Newspaper, titled, When a spouse is obtained by deceit. Keep it up on sensitive issues like this in the name of religion. I will be pleased if you can send me sister Faith’s contact for more encouragement.
Bolatito, thank you for your piece for its well-researched examples quoted therein and your indisputable solution. However, there is no need to review religious doctrines on the matter because they are spiritual; therefore beyond human meddlesomeness. A prospective spouse who hides his or her reproductive problems from opposite spouse, hanging it on Christian doctrines, is obviously on a self-deceit game because ahead of the point such a spouse was configuring his or her evil ploy, God had seen it. Any deceptive religious person in such a class has, by his deceptive act, shifted to the devil’s den as a disciple. So, your call that such a deceptive spouse should be dumped is right and just before God and man. Your plea for a pre-test on reproductive capacities of spouses should be a precondition in marriage to protect it from such devilish inklings.
— Lai Ashadele
Bolatito, I totally agree with you that some church doctrines need some amendments. However, under the Marriage Act of 1970 any marriage done under deceit is a voidable marriage meaning any part can pull off when the hidden is seen. Let us be honest in all our undertakings and not just in marriage.
— Hans, Lagos
I sincerely agree with your column on how churches are not helping matters. How can a pastor or reverend, beg a woman or man to continue with the marriage when the husband is impotent or has low sperm count and he didn’t confess to his own family that he is the one with the problem. Or a woman that has no womb. I love your write up, God bless you and give you more knowledge.
— Mr Sola Babajide, Ifo, Ogun State
Hello Bolatito, God bless you. On your story about Sis. Faith who was deceived by the impotent brother, based on that deception, the marriage can be dissolved. I am a pastor in a well-grounded Bible-based church. Send her number too if possible.
— Pastor Okey
Bola, your article is wonderful, a lot of marriages are in distress due to religion. I can’t subscribe to such nonsense. When the marriage can’t work better take a walk. Period. Instead of dying in silence.
— Hon Peter Okafor, Orlu, Imo State
Bola, as usual l savoured your column on the deceived spouse with relish. It was apt and loaded with wisdom. Anyone who decides to get drowned by religious dogma and make the mistake of his/her life shouldn’t blame God but foolishness. God finished His job on creation wherein He fitted brain to let us weather the storm of the game of life and living. May your ink never dry, those who have ears, let them hear.
— Tony Enyinta, Isuikwuato, Abia State