I get very emotional whenever people insinuate that women who have attained a career height did so by being manipulative and using their bodies…

Bolatito Olaitan

A story broke recently on a certain female celebrity, who bought herself a house and it was alleged that the house was purchased for her by a governor. Well, I won’t go into the details of the story because I am not here to gloat and join the bandwagon of people who take delight in bringing other people down when they are high up there. I don’t care who is sleeping with a governor and I don’t care how many houses that person acquired. What adults decide to do with their genitalia is their business and not mine to critic or analyze.

But I do like to ask these questions. Please how is it anyone’s business if a governor bought a house for her? Why do people think that every woman who is successful slept her way to success? Why are we always suspicious of women? Why are we so interested in who is sleeping with who? Biko even if she is sleeping around, what is your business?

READ ALSO: Not all women sleep their way to the top

Let her do what she wants, after all, there are consequences; let her deal with that instead of attacking a lady for her successful strides.

Honestly, I don’t understand why people can’t keep their noses where it should be instead of sticking them into other people’s business.

Saying that every woman who made something out of nothing slept her way high up is an atrocious and despicable sexist slander that is primarily targeted at women who gain power in a patriarchal world like ours. The most annoying thing is these things have no tangible evidence, they are just heresy and people keep peddling these lies to smear such women. When I hear such things, I hardly pay attention to them because the idea came from the belief that women are inferior by nature and so it is impossible for a woman to attain any height without her using her seductive prowess. Oftentimes, I get very emotional whenever people insinuate that women who have attained a career height did so by being manipulative and using their bodies to trade favours. I have heard this narrative times without number and I think it is high time it stopped. Of course, I understand that women use their looks and sexual attraction to manipulate men. But it is the same way men also use their power and charm to manipulate other men and women too.

Moreover, I know that there are very ambitious women who will get to any length to get what they want. Likewise, there are men also who are very ambitious and who will do anything to attain what they set their mind to do. So why do people then pick on women only? This same actress they took to town, I have seen her on a location that I felt was demeaning for someone in her class. But to her what matters most was that she was being paid and so she didn’t care about her class. I remember I needed to interview her and I had to move with her from one location to another. Hey! Don’t get me wrong here because we are not even friends, so I might not really have details of her private life but when a woman works very hard and she decides to spoil herself, stop smearing her with mud. I am sure there are readers here who would say actresses are known for their promiscuous ways and so they all have a right to be judged because of their reckless way of life. Oh! Thank you, Mr, Mrs. and Ms “Judginian” for your ever swift response to every situation report like this. But do you know that we also have very responsible women with core professional ethics in this acting job? I won’t deny the fact that some women do sleep their way to gain an advantage but they are few and far between. Because no woman can get to the top by having sex alone, just like no man can get up high by being charismatic alone. You need more to be high up there and you can’t keep flying high because you gave your cookies to nitwits. I don’t care if what you have between your thighs is laced with gold or pearls; no one gets to the top through sex alone. So, you ‘Judginians’ clean your ears very well and listen: women get to the top because they are smart, capable, focused and hardworking. Just like men. Stop this slanderous sexist chorus! We are bored with the same old tale of a rich boyfriend somewhere.

A woman can make it big on her with or without a man. It doesn’t have to be because there was an exchange of fluids. A woman can buy herself a house because she worked hard for it. A woman can go on luxurious vacation because she can afford it. Not all women are into “small girl with big god” syndrome. There are actually honest women whose brains bled before they could climb to that great height. Women are not just Barbie dolls, baby machines or robots for domestic chores. They are much more!

We all know these women and we only pretend they don’t exist. These are the same women that challenged us in school. So what happens when their hard work eventually pays off? Why do you have to join them in fanning the fires of rumours that they slept with a sugar daddies? If you don’t know what to say, just walk away instead of joining this sexist chorus.

READ ALSO:Sugar daddy row: Zuma’s new wife forced to quit job

Hey! I am not saying you should like every woman that is a boss lady and doing very well. Of course you don’t need to like these sultry bosses. My apologies please, I know they intimidate you with the whiff of their designer perfumes, figure hugging suits and dwarfing you with their six-inch heels. Oh! How you wish she is a man! I know that’s your everyday wish but the genies don’t have the time to honour a lazy wish. I am sure you have her type at home and she is busy bossing you around! How you hate to carry her files all around! An ordinary woman that pees from her back! Sir, I am sorry I can’t help massage your fragile ego; even if I do it won’t help. The only way out of your self-inflicted misery is to improve yourself. Go get more degrees! Work harder! Use your brain more often than your wagging tongue so that you can also fly high. Stop policing her vagina and spreading imaginary stories all around because she is a woman.


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Re: Is your spouse a roommate, slave or beloved?

BOLATITO, “ROOMMATE and SLAVE” conditions in marriage depend on how spouses handle their relationship, right from courtship stage. The roommate scenario must have been prompted by failure of spouses to consent to marriage based on sentiment. Some men and women, with penchant for sound sex sessions with their prospective partners at courtship, could place their marital relationship on that, just to quote an example. The number of such sentiments is too humongous to list out. Another one is good food-cooking abilities by a prospective wife for a partner who is addicted to eating well prepared meals. The “SLAVE” aspect in marital relationship is, in most cases, hinged on payment of huge bride price. That is where your piece on that aspect needs adoption of your plea on non-commercialization of bride price. “THE BELOVED” aspect is a divine intervention and not based on human designs. Praise God!

—Lai Ashadele

Thank you Bola, for this wonderful piece on marriage. Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed and not endured. How I wish every married couple irrespective of their status can religiously go through this write up and humbly follow same, I believe most married homes will be sweet again.

—Tony, Delta State

Reading through your article, I saw that it was actually targeted at men. Mmm! I think balance is necessary. It’s not my business but thanks all the same.

I have been reading some of your fantasy write-ups. No marriage can stand the test of time if it is not built on the Rock that is Christ. A woman who was brought up by a good mother would not write what you have been writing. It is not only lust or love that holds or keeps marriage, rather patience and understanding do.


Bolatito, thank you for this write. My wife and I fall into one of these categories. This is a wake-up call for us


Sometimes we stay in marriage because of societal expectations. There are many marriages which are just a sham today


You did a great job in your recent piece, ‘Is your spouse a roommate, slave or beloved.’ What can a woman do to change her situation?

READ ALSO: Is your spouse a roommate, slave or beloved?