There must be something about women that scare the hell out of Nigerian men once it is time to settle down. Their perception of an ideal wife and marriage is more about longevity as against quality.

Most men have the belief that a woman keeps her home together and not necessarily the man. So, for her to be an ideal wife and have a perfect marriage, she must be good, dumb, stupid, blind, forgiving and never give up on her marriage no matter what she sees or goes through.
If he still acts single by staying out late till way past midnight everyday with friends, she must not complain. She must stay awake to show him that she’s worried about his safety.

She is expected to welcome him with both arms wide open whenever he returns. She must fix his meal and either sits by his feet or by his side while he eats. Then she must fix him water to shower, if possible tuck him to bed with good sex if he wants it.
She must tolerate her mother in-law even if she visits unannounced or decides to come live with them permanently, she must not challenge her authority if she always insists on cooking for her son.

She should be happy and grateful to her for being such a super mom. If his mother falls sick and insists he sends his wife to the village to take care of her, she does as her husband commands without questions.

If he announces his desire to take a second wife or he’s cheating on her, she must not confront him or the other woman. She should take it in good fate because men are polygamous in nature. It doesn’t matter if he got other women pregnant while married to her or infected her with an STD. At least, she’s the only one he always returns home to everyday.

It doesn’t matter how brilliant or career oriented she may be, she must quit to become a full time house wife if he so wishes. If he asks that she severe ties with her childhood friends and even family members, he’s all correct. She is doing that for the good of her marriage.
If he replaces her old Sim and phone with a new one and orders she quits social media and shut down all internet services because he doesn’t trust her past, an ideal wife must obey and just go with the flow.

If he rapes his own daughter or impregnates her younger sister or the house help, she must make sure it doesn’t go public. An ideal wife will send her sister or house help to a doctor secretly for an abortion and also make sure they don’t return again because they are home breakers.

If her husband sexually molested their daughter, she must be scolded and beaten for seducing her father, and closely monitored to avoid a re-occurrence. An ideal wife does not let the devil tamper with the longevity of her marriage. She fights the enemy to keep her marriage at all costs.
An ideal wife does not challenge or argue with her husband, neither is she expected to be opinionated. It doesn’t matter if he abuses her both emotionally and physically, she must never ever think of leaving her home for another woman to come in and take over.

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An ideal wife would at the mention of marriage lose herself and sense. Everything about her revolves around what her man says and wants. Her desires are dead and whatever she wants out of life takes the back seat for her marriage to work.

Unfortunately, the ideal woman and marriage as perceived by most of our men is oppressive and repressive to women. She loses herself completely to become that which you want her to be just to keep the marriage.

You oppress your wife till she’s afraid and submits to all your desires. You have become rigid, controlling and reeling out orders like an Army General!
She doesn’t even know exactly who she is any longer because you have taught her who she is not. You control her hair, dressing; make up, who she speaks to, and what she eats. Even how she walks, talks and behaves is defined by you.

It is this perception of who an ideal wife is to the average Nigerian man that has left many families in a mess, with divorce rate and domestic violence at all time high.

It has also made many women living practically in churches not because they love God but because they are looking for where to pour their hearts out and hide their pains.
True strength lies not in oppressing, repressing and forcing your woman to be afraid of you. You wife can respect and honour you without you forcing her.

She has lost touch with herself and cries herself to sleep believing that one day her husband will realize that she is also flesh and blood, a wife, a friend and a companion but definitely not a slave.

Everyone on earth is here for a purpose; a woman’s purpose on earth is not only to be a wife and a mother. Encourage and support her to go after her dreams too.

Men, let go of the mindset that you will lose her respect once she successful, even if you don’t directly gain from her successes, it will definitely rub off on your children.
A great woman will raise kids who will aspire to be better and greater than their parents. Don’t let your insecurities rule you.