We were not judgemental and the empathy in the atmosphere made it easy to divulge ‘secrets’ hither to untold. I guess this ambiance gave Bola the courage to talk about her struggle with mental health issues while Zara made us understand that behind the façade, she was having hidden challenges at a job we all assumed was perfect.
Sleepovers are like being on a really long date with someone and getting to know each other again. Bola’s admittance of struggling with depression for some time now was heart wrenching. I know many people struggle with this and some have even gone to the extreme and killed themselves in the process. Life can be so complex yet simple.
If you have any friends going through this phase please be as supportive as you can possibly be. Bola eventually had a meltdown; her married lover seemed to be spending more time with his wife rather than Bola, his side chick.
I personally saw that as a good thing but sadly it was taking a toll on Bola. She had insomnia and some nights she would have panic attacks. It was affecting her work even though she put up a brave face. We were shocked that she was already on antidepressant pills. What! How did that happen? Right under our noses, you think you know all there is to know about someone and suddenly you realise you don’t! My once brilliant, effervescent, sexy, self-assured friend was becoming a shadow of herself.
I cannot believe I was so self-absorbed I didn’t notice. Bola’s issue was definitely a concern but I knew she would not want to discuss it just yet. I will have to make out time to visit Bola privately but one thing is certain we cannot pretend what we heard going on with Bola never happened.
The thing is when it comes to love, it is complicated. It is only the person involved that knows the pain associated with heart break. I have never believed it is right to date a married man or woman, no matter the reasons.
What do you stand to benefit? Bola is way too smart for this but then emotions can make a fool of the most sensitive and intelligent of men and women.
The weeks and months are flying. Now we are in June! It has been a while since I heard from Rick and even a longer time since I heard from Dennis, strangely I miss them. Shocking right? We decided to do a virtual hangout since everyone was busy to take out time. When we all came on line, Bola said she had been talking to her male friends and asked them to describe what they will like in their women.
These are some of the things the guys said. You can pick a thing or two ladies. ‘She understands that when something is wrong it should be you two together against the problem and not you vs. her’, a cool girlfriend is also a good friend apparently, you can be your normal dorky and weird self around her and she still likes you.
One of the guys said he liked girls that actually challenge him. ‘I find it really irritating, and boring, when a girl agrees with me on everything to try and impress me,’ another says. ‘I want her humble, empathetic, caring, perceptive and intelligent’.
One said he must really like you (whatever that means). ‘Not putting you down in front of her friends, your friends, anyone’. ‘Not being on the lookout for things to be upset about’. ‘No drama and very much go with the flow and fun’. ‘Someone who has her own hobbies and doesn’t rely on me for entertainment’. ‘A cool girl for me is someone who doesn’t make snap judgments and keeps herself open to new ideas, along those lines, someone who can adapt to a given environment and is mentally and emotionally flexible. ‘For me, it’s the girl who has her own interests.
I don’t want to be the centre of anyone’s universe’. ‘Understanding me in ways most people don’t’. ‘Not easily offended’. ‘Be capable of rational conversation’. ‘Walk around in underpants’. ‘Make coffee for me on a Sunday morning’. Get along with my family’. Are you getting the gist Ladies? As confusing as these all sound there is still more.