To those who have scaled the fence of romantic marital relationship for at least 10 years and are still standing, kudos to you. You deserve to be congratulated. For several other couples, the water of romance has evaporated from their relationship long ago. Some are actually wishing they could make another choice of a partner.

 

Now I ask, how many men and women are still striving to maintain an atmosphere that fosters expression of marital romance despite their challenges? How many spouses wake up with a smile, recalling the beautiful experience of sexual exploration of the previous night? How many women still hail their husbands and prepare his favourite meal in appreciation of the excellent performance in the wee hours? How many can quickly overlook the things that trigger a quarrel and rather focus on creating a romantic mood?  How many can replace anger, bitterness and memories of hurtful words with laughter, open mind and pure pleasure while activating and pressing the romantic button?

Most of us take time to assess our productivity, grades, health, weight or even finances but do zero assessment of our love relationship. There is nothing wrong in seeking to know how well one is doing in terms of relationship with the spouse. A person should himself or herself questions like: how did I handle my romance the last time we had an argument? If I am doing well romantically, how is my partner responding to it? Is he or she on the same page with me or running his or her affairs outside the home?

Now, to all couples who God has spared their relationships, I have this question: where are you on the love meter with your spouse? Especially the men. There are so many men who do not pay attention to their wives’ feelings. Instead they visit them with all manner of abuses from physical, emotional cheating to betrayal without minding whose ox is gored. Certainly, so many women who  complain of their partners’ inattentiveness to them would not give such partners a good score if the mid-year romantic assessment were to be an examination.

Why have most celebrities separated from or divorced their partners? You have the likes of Funke Akindele and ex-hubby Abdulrasheed (JJC), Paul Okoye and ex-wife Anita, Comedian AY and ex-wife Mabel, BasketMouth and ex-wife Elsie, Tonto Dike and ex-husband Churchill, Stella Damasus and ex-husband Daniel Ademinokan, Bolanle and Bunmi Ninalowo, Israel DMW and ex-wife Sheila. The list is endless. Were they assessing and amending their relationships? If they had, perhaps they might not have even divorced. Apart from other issues, did they realise the importance of paying close attention to the need to maintain their relationship by consistently lubricating it with the oil of marital romance?

A friend once told me that her husband has not bothered to discover what turns her on in their eight years of marriage. “The moment he digs himself inside of me and gets his satisfaction, he jumps out like a dog being chased, not minding if I am actually heated up and how I feel at such a sensitive moment. It is so painful that he has never bothered to try out other moves, at least ask me what I cherish when I lie with him. He does not look at me to know the resultant effect of his action at the end of every exploration. He has done this for years and gets selfishly satisfied at the end of the show.”

While wives loudly complain about the shortcomings of their husbands in the bedroom, the same men do much better with their sidechicks, freely and excitedly trying out new moves, positions, places (against the wall, table top, chair, floor, including “washing plates”). Just name it.

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These men who are so unfaithful to their spouses, ask yourselves: what can a sidechick add to your life? Can she stand tall and defend you in times of trouble? Is she ready to give you children? Would she give you business ideas that will strengthen you financially? I charge them to assess their love temperament and see where they stand. Some of such illicit relationships cause lingering generational problems in families and communities like we heard about Israel and his former sidechick Nora, who later became his baby mama. Israel, a handsome married man, was a very accomplished executive. His sidechick was also a lawyer. When their paths crossed, the love was strong and it led to immediate pregnancy, which was not terminated. As two accomplished people, they did the needful and Nora moved in with her 16-year-old niece, Peace, who was waiting for JAMB admission to the university. Not long after Israel began to cast lustful glances at Peace and started sneaking back home each time Nora was not around, and giving Peace expensive gifts. In the course of those visits, a sexual relationship developed between them and the teenage girl got pregnant. Hell was let loose when Nora heard about it. Her investigation proved her own lover, Israel, was responsible. She sent the niece back to the mother, who happened to be her elder sister, and accused her of not raising a responsible daughter. In tears, pain and regret, big sister fired back at her younger sister for carelessness and recklessness, and then asked, ‘if Peace was your biological daughter, would you expose her to a worthless loose man?’ The situation led to irreconcilable differences and enmity caused by irresponsible Israel. The once happy sisters became sworn enemies. Israel, a married man, had strolled out to cheat on his wife, fathered a child outside wedlock, and caused irreparable damage between two sisters.

Now again, where are those men who are simply labeled husbands but show no evidence of ‘husbandshop’ at all? Men who have no contribution in the life of their wives and children. They provide no protection and make no financial, physical, emotional or spiritual contribution in their marital relationships. There are women who gain nothing in a marriage with a particular man. No added education, no skill, no business, no love, no care and probably no children, just nothing other than bearing the man’s name. Know that no lazy man makes a happy home, no matter how handsome or sexy the man is.

Happily, the score card is still dangling before many who are ready to amend their relationships. Where are those men who do not have respect for their in-laws? Kudos to a great aunt of mine who admitted that her son was the problem in his marriage. “He is not on good terms with his in-laws, but I, his mother, I am on good terms with my in-laws. Nkoli, his wife’s mother and I were secondary school classmates, and when our children made their marital intentions known, it was a very welcome idea. As the lovebirds fell off along the line, my friend and I did not fall off,” my aunt recounted.

Men who think they picked a lady from the gutter know today that a married lady is a daughter to her parents, sister to her siblings, cousin, niece and friends to other people who she has known all her life before marriage knocked on her door. Certain men marry and cut their women completely off from their families, friends and relatives. I ask such men to do a mid-year love rating and classify themselves because what goes up must surely come down. Accept such character in good faith when your sisters and daughters are treated that way.

Presently, there are men whose hidden evil temple stare at their faces in their various homes, office and business area. Men whose hands are soiled with blood, who give their souls to the devil in a bid to make it big in life even if it means taking other people’s lives. Men who are fraudulent and criminally-minded in nature. Men whose every activity revolves around crime and idol worship to maintain an ostentatious lifestyle. Assess yourselves and score yourselves. Politicians who embezzle public funds. This piece is not to tear men down, but to nudge them to do a stock-taking on the love meter. No genuine woman would be proud of such men.

In this mid-year assessment, who are the men that roar like lions and make the home very uncomfortable for their families with their presence? The moment they get home, everyone scampers for safety because the lion has come back home looking for who to devour. Meanwhile, in their absence, his household parties all day long.

For the women, are you in a loving relationship with your husband? You have a role to play to keep the fire burning. Relationship between a man and woman has its dos and don’ts. It takes two to tango. A woman who does not respect her husband and his family is not willing to assess and work on her romantic deficiency. Women who find excuses to avoid having sex with their husbands are invariably pushing them into the welcoming arms and warm embrace of sidechicks.

As long as your lover is not happy with you over the issue of marital intimacy, your score card is showing a yellow card. It might turn into a red card, if care is not taken. 

Women who bond with and deceptively win over the children and encourage them to disregard their father or pay little attention to him, bear in mind that your scheme can boomerang badly and leave you scarred.

Dear men and women, please truthfully assess yourselves and your marital relationships and tell yourselves the honest truth. There is room for amendment, while all are still alive. Death is the only thing that cannot be fixed. Assess, repent and embrace the new life.    


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