In your marriage, define your problems.Spend some time looking at your relationship and figure out which parts work and which parts don’t.
Love comes first. Then a relationship blossoms and then if the sparks are still there and both parties want to spend the rest of their lives together, they get married.
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This is where many people get it wrong. They think that marriage is a permanent because there is love. Love is not enough to keep a marriage. The earlier couples know this, the better for them.
Couples should know that happily ever after is a farce if they don’t put in the work to keep their relationship going. Love doesn’t insulate people from life’s challenges but it helps couples deal with life’s sudden realities better.
Even though it is advisable to marry someone you are compatible with, marriage is hard work. To keep the happy connection that made you say “I do” in the first place or maybe even create an improved version; you need some tips on how to rehab your romance.
And I am here to supply you some of these loving tips that will keep your love aflame as long as you are not married to someone who thinks it is your duty alone to keep your marriage. I have a problem with people with such mentality.
First of all, you should know that marriage is about giving, but don’t make the mistake of giving too much. Don’t continue giving to someone who is not giving something back to you. You will end up angry and resentful.
To have a good marriage, you need to be a good you. Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole, activities like rest, relaxation, fitness and time with friends.
Nigerian women, the fact that you are married doesn’t mean your life should end. Make friends, go out with your friends and enjoy life to the full. Stop running after your husbands like hunters because you don’t have a life outside your marriage.
In other words, remember that spending time alone and with your friends no matter how busy you are is not selfish, it’s a necessity. It will strengthen your relationship because you will have a saner version of you to bring to your marriage.
In your marriage, define your problems.Spend some time looking at your relationship and figure out which parts work and which parts don’t. Create a plan of how you might get from your current reality to that perfect place. Then start breaking down the issues into small pieces and tackling them one at a time with your spouse. Before you know it, there will only be a few little problems left.
Nigerian couples should make financial plans together. Money is one of the biggest stressors in marriage. Couples worry and argue about it constantly. If you and your spouse are always fighting about money, you need to stop, take a step back and plan your financial future together.
Couples need to create an active plan about how to manage their money. Should they combine it, separate it, create a joint account and or keep some separate? Whatever the decision, both parties have to be part of the decision and then figure out what needs to be done to keep their marriage going smoothly.
When you need to ask your spouse for something, say please. Nigerian men, saying please to your wives won’t reduce your manhood. Use kind words with your spouse and stop forming hard man. You will get your point across without losing your spouse’s attention if you are nice. And don’t forget to make your request with a smile.
Couples, take your fighting gloves off. Fight less and love more even though it’s hard to do sometimes especially when there are serious issues to trash out. The next time you have a spousal spat going badly, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.
Couples, have sex. Have some sex and have more sex. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship, and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. Sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your spouse.
Nigerian men, don’t rush in and out of your wife like someone being chased by an evil spirit. Take time to work on your wife’s body. Ask her where she wants to be touched and how. Minister to your wife’s body sexually without being selfish. Don’t think about your orgasm only; see to it that she enjoys orgasms too.
Couples should learn to burn their grudges and set some bad memories on fire. Sometimes, hanging on to those “Do you remember the time you did such and such?” moments are the things that lead to relationship sabotage. Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them. Holding on to past hurts destroy marriages, avoid doing that.
One thing married people that sabotage their happily-ever-after are not doing the same things they did while dating. They forget to make efforts to keep their romance alive. They think that as long as they are married, their spouses can’t leave them.
Think back over the years you have known your spouse. When did he or she make you laugh? When did he or she make you cry tears of joy? When did he or she surprise you? Tell your spouse how you are lucky to have them in your life and how happy they make you feel.
RE: Men, what are you bringing into marriage?
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Kate, your column on men and marriage is excellent. Thanks for your encouragement to women. I assure you that good men who share your views are still many out there. Thanks.
I’m a great fan of your column and I couldn’t hide my excitement while reading last week’s edition knowing what you just said is a peg of the truth banged into young boys’ heads. Your write-up was nothing but a big time truth. Unfortunately, not all guys will share your ideology but I accept your quotas as basic. Gone are the days of housewife and kitchen slavery and my future beauty will be a mould of your ideas.
-Bartholomew Chikezie, Ebonyi state
Kate, you are so good but the way people talk to you is very bad. Just accept my humble advice, make sure anything you write concerning marriage let it stand on the side of comfort, strengthen and edify marriages. Thanks and remain blessed.
Kate, truly I am beginning to fear for the state of your mind. I was thinking you are coming around but all of a sudden, you began to retrogress. The way to be a champion for women is not by always attacking the men, for men and women were created to co-exist in love. No one can live independently without the other so rather than always fighting the men, why not build a bridge that will bring men and women together.
-Edosomwan Benjamin, Asaba
Kate, the insult you have been giving to men is too much, and that must stop. You don’t have respect for men and that’s why you are still a spinster at your age. It is a colossal pity indeed. I keep telling you that you have nothing to offer, and better channel your energy to something else, enough of this nonsense.
I am a regular reader of your column. Honestly, I enjoy reading your column but please I humbly plead with you to be soft with men. The men that treat women horribly are minute in number. Please do not use the ugly behaviour of these few to destroy majority of well behaved men. Honestly, I adore and cherish my spouse and I am continually working on my marriage to ensure that I meet God’s purpose for establishing the union.
-Stanley Azubuike Esq.
Woman, are you married? I am sure you are not. If men weren’t superior to women, it would have been written in the Bible for it says that a wife should be submissive to her husband. Should any lady practise or follow all you wrote, she will fail. These days, over 80% of women need already made home, only few want to make it together with their man, so please stop crying, most of you ladies are naughty. It is because you are a prostitute who has lost your chances of being under a man that is why you deceive young ladies to be sorrowful like you. Daughter of the devil, it is better you repent and give your life to Christ and stop writing senseless articles. Whether you like or not, God made woman to be under a man, as Christ is the head of the church so a man is your head.
Dear Kate, I love reading your column because we need the good, bad and ugly. What you wrote last week was good, but your write ups might not be good for some female folks that want to apply your advice while the wise once are getting married every weekend. I am not dismissing that some men are not serious, but you don’t incite those ready to marry to rub shoulder with men.
I believe your stance will change when you become Mrs.
-Comrade Nnawuihe Saint Val
Dear Halim, anybody that tries to change what God has naturally planned will definitely become an uncalled slave to his or her ambiguous diversity. Women these days want to be like men. They want to make money, they even want to be accorded every respect that should be given to men, forgetting entirely their primary and main duty. Though some lazy men welcome it but that is not how God made it.