Some weeks back, I highlighted the importance of love and I said it is the first consideration in marriage. The second factor to consider in marriage is character. If you want an enduring marriage, marry a man or woman with godly character. When the chips are down, character is what keeps it going. Take this to heart as you get set for a date this Valentine.

Athletes with character, or in this context, discipline, produce championship performance. They are the Olympic gold medalists. Go for a partner with character; strength of character was what made Caesar’s wife to be above board in Shakespeare’s famous drama, Julius Caesar.

Character speaks of fidelity, capacity to take pressure and stand by your spouse when the going gets tough, when in sickness, sorrow, pain, accidents, jail, without income, and when barrenness seems to be a terrifying reality. Character keeps you trudging on, like a wounded soldier who refuses to fall down and die. It is character writ large that we read in the testimony of the late sage, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, when he described his wife, the late Hannah Dideolu, as “my jewel of inestimable value.”

Third to be considered is industry. A woman must be hard-working and enterprising like the woman of virtue in the Bible book of Proverbs 31. Again, read the whole chapter to fully appreciate who a virtuous woman is. Now, only a man of valour, a real man in every sense, deserves a virtuous woman. No lazy man can be a good husband. Never marry a man who wants to wed you while still living in his father’s house. Such a man is not fit to be your husband. A husband should be able to live in his own apartment, whether he rents it or owns it does not matter. Never marry a mama’s boy. Don’t live in your in-law’s home, it is the beginning of crises.

If you still live with your parents at the time of marriage, brother or sister, you are not fit for marriage. It means you can’t survive alone. You are not good enough to shoulder marital responsibility because you are a “man-child” or “woman-child” still being spoon-fed. A man and his spouse must be independent, have a good paying job, or own their own business, as evidence that they are good managers, before they can manage a home successfully.

A man who can’t feed his family is not fit to marry. Either spouse must be physically fit and healthy to satisfy each other sexually, emotionally and produce material wealth to live a decent life, and not be a burden to each other or any other person.

Every woman should be strong enough to keep the home when she is widowed. You should not become a prostitute because you lost your husband. Plan for the unexpected when things are still fine. Most people marry without planning ahead. Then, when trouble comes, they trade blames. Your life is in your hands. Take full control and leave nothing to chance.

Everything in life has its time and season. There’s a time to be born and a time to die; a time to laugh and a time to cry, according to King Solomon. Couples must prepare for their winters of discontent, like the loss of a spouse, child or key close relatives that could impact negatively on their marriage.

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So, couples must work hard, work smart and build financial buffers through investment in shares, stocks, mutual funds, bonds, real estate and any financial instruments available. Never take financial security for granted. You need financial education to know how to create wealth.

In this piece, I’d end with the last factor to be considered before marriage. You must be ready. Don’t let anyone stampede you into a life-long relationship you are not prepared for. Ignore peer and family pressure. Please, never step into the ring unless you are ready. Make sure you are mentally, physically, financially and spiritually ready, and able to handle marriage before you go into it.

Let me warn you against pastors, prophets and spiritualists who often try to match-make; most of these people do so for selfish reasons. A pastor or so-called man of God would say, “God told me you are my wife.” They never say that to a poor lady; they target rich women who are desperate to marry. Some would say God told them in a vision that you should marry such and such a man or woman. False.

God does not do such a thing anymore, except if it involves a special kingdom assignment. He is not a match-maker. If God compels you to marry, He would then have to take full responsibility for the marriage. The best that God does these days is to give you direction, if you ask for it. If you need advice regarding marriage, go to accomplished marriage counsellors or experienced couples with successful marriages, not prophets or pastors, most of whom are not even well-instructed in things of the spirit. If you must approach a servant of God for counsel, make sure he or she is genuine, as not all knees have bowed to Baal.

No marriage is without its ups and downs. A perfect marriage is an illusion, it exists only in the imagination.

WEEKEND SPICE: “The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare

Okay, folks, thank God it’s Friday. Happy Valentine’s Day ahead. Stay motivated.     

•Ladi Ayodeji is an Author, Rights Activist, Pastor and Life Coach. He can be reached on 09059243004 (SMS & Whatsapp only).