By Beifoh Osewele
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22: 6 NIV). This passage from the Holy scripture resonates with Sir Charles Osezua, life coach, philanthropist, eminent social and natural gas engineer, Papal awardee of the Order of the Knight of St. Gregory the Great (KSG) and holder of the national award, Officer of the Order of the Niger (OON).
His mother, Madam Theresa Otiekeigboria Osezua Imuze, transited on March 15, aged 98. During a recent call on the septuagenarian to condole with him on his mum’s passing, Osezua recalled the lessons he learnt from the nonagenarian before her demise.
He was away in the United States when the old woman slipped into comma. Reflecting on her life, he said: “My mum loved me and cared about me, even till the end. She waited for me to say goodbye! When I came in on March 10, I was told she had not opened her eyes for days. But on Saturday, March 11, we visited her in the morning, and Gloria, my wife, started singing her signature tune; ‘Mummy, mummy, mommy,” just to cheer her up, if she was hearing. After singing for a while, she paused to tell my mom, “Onokpia vae’ (the man is here), a name my mother called me in her latter years! Then I said, “Mam lolo!” And bingo, we saw movements in her face. Then she opened her eyes for a few seconds. That was the last time she opened her eyes, till she died on March 15, 2023.”
To say Mr. Osezua and his mother lived like tongue and cheek is to put it mildly. But the intimacy, rather than make him dependent and timid, actually made him stronger and more independent.
Born in May 1925 in Ebhogie, Emuhi-Ekpoma, in the present day Esan West LGA of Edo State, to the family of Mr. Aikhatuamen Iyioriobhe & Mrs. Aigbidiasun Aikhatuamen Iyoriobhe, she was the second of 12 children predominantly girls. About six of Madam Theresa’s younger siblings died in infancy. Therefore, early in her life, she assumed the role of a defender and provider for her mother in a polygamous setting. She traded in distant markets in Ehor and Benin. During these trips, she bought rubber seedlings to plant in her mother’s farm. That became a major source of income for her mother, and in the education of her siblings.
Married in her 20s in the 50s at a period when women married in their early teens to Mr. Osezua Imuze of Ukpoke, Uhiele-Ekpoma, she was a devoted wife, mother, devout Christian, trader, community leader and mentor of men and women. She inculcated all these virtues in Sir Charles and his other siblings.
“I could tell you a lot about my mother and I, because she birthed me twice! My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed that I base my life on. She spent her life rebuilding me from the first time I was reunited with her, after more than five years of childhood separation. My mother taught me to be a man, to be strong, to forgive and be optimistic about life. My mother was always very clear, “forgive those who cut your hair, forgive those who hurt you and even those who caused you illness, and your childhood separation from the family, and the sufferings you underwent, they were all for your good; to prepare you for the greatness God promised.”
“When treated badly and I am despondent or unhappy, she would say, “the first son is a dump heap (Ukitiku). Everything you throw on the dump heap makes it better! Stop crying and don’t worry; it is for your good!” My mother told me, nothing people do can hurt you or change your destiny; just trust in God.”
“From the first day I introduced my fiancée to the family, my mother told me, “My son, your father and I want you to carry your wife along, in your decisions, so you will be happy together. To use her exact words: ‘When two rats join their tails together, it looks like that of a rabbit, you are better together.’ As for my fiancée, Gloria, she asked her; “Are you ready to be his mother? She said your husband is your first son as a woman. I felt very embarrassed at the time, but what a life lesson! My mother saw in my wife a partner for my good. So when people say, “you really loved your mother,” I would rather say, my mother loved me, and even now from heaven, because she was always a mother, caring, slaving and suffering for my good. Love begets love. My mother loved, and taught me to love my wife, and out of love for me, my wife loved my mother, more than I could have ever shown. My mother always reminded me, “son the man builds a house, but the wife makes it a home, so you can sleep in it; so let your wife be, it’s for your good!
“My mother always taught us to keep my promise, a virtue she lived. When I was in secondary school, I complained that I was one of the very few students who had no parental visitor, on the day assigned for it in my school; Annunciation Catholic College (ACC) Irrua. My parents did not understand it, but after explaining the objective, my mother volunteered to come to Irrua during the next visit. But on that faithful day, I waited anxiously for my mother, as I saw other parents, come visit with their children and talk to their teachers. I saw students collect their presents and go back to the hostel, as their parents left. Finally, it was getting dark, and time to go to the dining. As the Senior tutor, Mr Esene approached to tell me visiting time was over, I pleaded I did not want my mother to miss me, because she always kept her promise. As the school power generator came on, behold, I saw my mother. She was coming from the bush market, where she went to buy paddy rice, their lorry broke down and she had to trek miles to make it to my school! I ran to her, with great joy. My mother brought me garri and some cubes of sugar, it was mundane but she gave me more than gold, she gave me a life lesson, love and you will always keep your promise!
“Humility is a lesson my mother tried again and again to teach me. In her words, humility is most pleasing to God! Frustrated with me once, my mother had to pull me by the trousers and force me to sit down and listen. This happened after I won a Science price in Chemistry, when I was in Form 3 in secondary school. Then I was showing off, walking with a swagger, when one day, coming in from outside, and passing by my mother, where she was frying garri, when suddenly, she grabbed me by the hip of my trousers and ordered me to sit. She said she noticed I had been going crooked since I won that prize. Then she taught me the lesson of life. She said, there are two types of knowledge – the knowledge of books and knowledge of life. Anybody can study and pass an exam, but the knowledge of life is more important. Ask God to grant you the wisdom, of life!”
“Eat before leaving the house or going to a party! These were two practices my mother instilled in us. She expected us to have breakfast before leaving home in the morning, because we need energy to work, to study and achieve desired goals! In our native dialect she would say, you need strength to sustain madness. Similarly she would encourage us to eat before going to a party. In her words, be a gentleman, not a hungry man at parties. Remember parties are for socialisation, to meet people, food you always have at home.
“My mother lived her faith and taught us to pray. She would tell me very often, whenever you visit home, always ask your father for his blessings before you leave. And if she is around when I am departing, she will tell me to kneel down for my father’s blessings. At first I did not understand why. I hesitated, but I obeyed. Later I understood fathers are the priests of the family and their blessings on their children, go a long way in defining their path to success for their children.
“My mother taught us to pray and thank God before a meal and at the end of each day. She also encouraged us to thank and express gratitude for favours received.”