The love story of Sir Joseph Obiukwu Nwakaibeya Okpalafulaku  popularly called Jasper (Ikenga Awka-Etiti) and Lady Lovelyn Uche Okpalafulaku (nee Obiukwu) is an interesting one. Though from the same community, Awka-Etiti, Idemili South Local Government Area, Anambra State, the two lovebirds met for the first time during a bachelor’s eve where Joseph was the Master of Ceremony (MC).  From that moment, there was no going back until their marriage was contracted in a traditional way in April 1977 and church wedding on December 11 same year. Forty years down the line, the couple are still relishing that union in good health and bliss.  In this interview, Jasper, who is the Managing Director, Transglobe Pharmaceuticals, a leading name in pharmaceutical products importation based in Onitsha, Nigeria tells ALOYSIUS ATTAH, their love story while the ever supportive wife , Uche, a woman of few words, quipped in her own views of a union blessed with six surviving children doing well in various life endeavours.

Before the Bachelor’s eve, did you know her?

Husband: Not at all, that was my first time of seeing her

So what attracted you to her?

Husband:  Her height. Because I’m not too tall, I wanted somebody that will be taller than me and lanky too, and she is. The reason is simple, if God blesses us and gives us children, there would be diverse sizes of children and I thank God, we realized that in the children today. I’m fulfilled in that aspect.

Among all the suitors that approached you for marriage, why did you reject them and choose Jasper?

Wife:  I can say God, because the God factor cannot be ruled out. God is the controller of human destiny. I think He destined us to be husband and wife, but I must say that I was also physically attracted to him. I loved him then and still love him because he is fair minded, good natured and outspoken.

Can you recall how you approached her that first time?

Husband: I used my authority as the Master of  Ceremony. I said “my friend, sister, come, come here!” Before then, I had instructed a photographer to be on standby and snap us immediately I threw my hand to receive or embrace her when I called. The moment she came, she didn’t know why I was calling her and she didn’t know me before then too, though I was a classmate of her elder brother, John, which I realized later. Her brother and I were in the same class in 1962, so, when I called her, the photographer did as I instructed, but can you believe that I didn’t see the picture till today?  The host of that wedding was her uncle and he seized and also destroyed the picture from the photographer. He did that out of jealousy anyway, or being protective because he felt that I was looking for a woman to exploit and didn’t want his sister to be a victim. He didn’t know I meant business.

Did you make your intentions known immediately to her, how did you woo her?

Husband:  No, we dispersed after that wedding and I continued with my life and hers too because she was a student then. But on her attaining the age of marriage, I had to remember that I saw somebody who was taller than me. That was very interesting because I didn’t know if she was still taller. That tallness meant a lot to me and I started looking for her, but didn’t know where to find her. But on a very good day, I was returning from a journey and suddenly bumped into her along Zik’s Avenue in Fegge, Onitsha. She was returning from school in her school uniform. I exclaimed like someone that had found a great fortune. I stopped immediately, struck a conversation with her and asked her a few questions of which she told me that they were living close by. She declined my offer to drop her off at her house, but do you know the funny thing, when you are in love, you can do anything funny too. She declined to enter my car, but I turned my car and followed her. She was trekking home and I was driving behind her till she got to her house.  On getting there, another surprise that awaited me was that I saw two women from our community who were seamstresses in that very house.  They were my brother’s wives and I wanted to run away because I didn’t want them to know my mission there, but they called me. One of them, Beatrice by name went further and asked me where I was going, whether I was following Uche?  She told me immediately, “if you want to marry her, go ahead because she is a very nice girl. In this place that we stay, she hosts all the children, gives them food, gifts and other things. I don’t know why she is so interested in children but I assure you, if you marry her, she will give you many children.”  That was Beatrice’s submission, while the other woman with her was laughing all through. Her own was like, “Jasper, I’ve caught you today chasing a woman”. That was how the whole story started.

Did any member of her family raise any objection when you made your intention known?

Husband:  Somebody accompanied me to their house the day I made my intentions known, unfortunately, the same man that wedded the day I met her also came to their place same day. He was annoyed when he saw me and he did not spare saying so many bad things about relationship between male and female, all in a bid to paint me in a negative way before them.  He left in annoyance, but after he left, my wife’s elder brother who was my classmate came back. He was so excited to see me in their house and went ahead to entertain me with bottles of star beer including my companion. His warm reception encouraged me a great deal and from that day I started thinking of a great deal on how to secure the girl and make her mine forever. The day I went to her house, I presented some gift items to her and asked her “Will you marry me”. I was very handsome then, anyway and she responded in the positive. That was the beginning of this journey in the last 40 years.  That was how I got this girl.

Wife: My father agreed totally because coming from the same community, my father said that he knew the family inside out and there was nothing to be afraid of.

What are the other qualities you saw in her that you admired?

Husband:  Even twins don’t behave the same way. She comes from a responsible family just like my own. The families are jovial people whom my father represents. If you come to Awka-Etiti and ask of  A.C Nwakaibeya, my in-law,  they will tell you that he is a very jovial person and whatever he begets should be a good and jovial product too. Positivism went to positivism and the good seeds germinated. I tell you from my heart of hearts that for the past 40 years we have lived together, we’ve not had any deep issues. Assessing my wife, I can say that she is a genius and I pray God to give me this same woman even in the next world, because I know I will remain a man and she, a woman.

In the course of marriage in the last 40 years even during the childbearing years, what can you say were your challenges and how you surmounted them?

Husband:  We don’t have any special challenges but I must say that the death of my sons was a major dark moment. No one wants to remember such period.  But on the positive side, we’ve had our daughters got married to people, my son getting married to a woman who later gave birth to twins. It was a masterpiece, but the deaths were too painful. God said in the book of Isaiah 43, “Do not be afraid”.

As a wealthy businessman and philanthropist, I know that many people may be flocking to your house for one assistance or the other. How do you feel when people pester him for financial help and things like that? Do you prevent him?

Wife: No. That is what even gives me the greatest joy about him. Seeing him touch people’s lives positively makes me happy. Most times I’m even the one that draws his attention to the plight of some people and he doesn’t hesitate to respond in such situations. This gladdens my heart because in my paternal family, it is the same thing. My father was a very generous man who assisted people so much, so when I came into this family and discovered that he is such kind of person too, it became a continuous tradition.

If you offend each other, who apologises first?

Husband:  We don’t even consider who takes the lead, we forgive naturally. My wife is a good girl. She won’t like to hurt you, but will always be corrective. Maybe the manner she corrects you may not be acceptable to you but the summary is that she is trying to save you from the wrong thing. She has not given me any headache so to say in the last 40 years unless she would start tomorrow. Do you know that about five of my friends came to marry her but she turned all of them down?

Wife: We don’t allow the children to come in between us when we have issues to settle and we quickly do that so that it will not linger unnecessarily and create another problem for us.

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Name one thing you would like to change in your husband?

Wife: I said it before that he is generally a good man but he can scold someone when such person didn’t do what he was supposed to do or know. He can tongue-lash such person but after that, it’s over, but I would like him to be more gentle in his approach in this regard. For those who don’t know his character, such scolding can be a great put off, but for those who know him, they will still stick around and will definitely enjoy him so much at the end of the day.

Can you recall some high points or memorable periods in your marriage?

Husband:  I know my first daughter got married and I was wholly accepted by the Archbishop of Onitsha to wed her with my first son in-law who is very much devoted to this family. My second son in-law came and also did very well, Bishop Otteh wedded them too and the third one. What I wanted in my daughters, I had in them all and I’m a happy man through and through. My son also complied with my suggestions in his marriage and it has worked out very fine.

Wife: It has been so many great moments, which is already our lifestyle, so there is no point singling out some peculiar ones, but I remember when my father in-law was still alive, he normally requested that we came with the entire family to see him in the village, and I tell you, I still cherish the fond memories of those days we spent in the village with the elderly man. He offered us special delicacies and natural products and it was fun.

Any regrets marrying her?

Husband: Not at all.  No regrets whatsoever.  As a 3rd Degree Knight of St Mulumba, I don’t have to keep malice or bear grudges. We are all human and can err in one way or the other, but forgiveness reigns supreme in our lives.

Can you tell me more about the children?

Wife: The first, Mrs Ethel Chioma Obidiaso is a graduate of Biochemistry, Univeristy of Uyo, and Mrs Immaculata Obiamaka Okpaleke is a graduate of Computer Science, University of Uyo too.  Barrister Vivian Ifeoma is a Barrister and Solicitor, Mr. Severine Chineta Okpalafulaku is a Pharmacist, Fransiscan University of Steunbenville, State of Ohio, USA, while Miss Nancy Uchenna Okpalafulaku is pursuing her Master’s Degree in International Relations  in Nasarawa State University. Also Miss Tracy Chimaka Okpalafulaku is a 300 level student of Pharmacy in Igbinedion University, Okada, Edo State.

If you are given a chance to make another choice, will you still choose him as a husband?

Wife:  Of course, it’s him or no one else. Somebody I’ve lived with for the past 40 years and not 40 days. God has blessed us immensely in the marriage, so how can I choose another person?

What is the lessons marriage has taught you?

Husband: Millions of them. That is why I can stay in a place and reconcile a family. That is why I can advise on special issue, which borders on marriage and also advise on people talking about their children, cursing them or also commending them to high heavens. I tell people that the children are the hope of the family. The lifespan of a very active man as referred to in Genesis 6:3 where God tells you that you are not going to live more than 120 years. Go to Isaiah 65:17, He will tell you that anybody who is 100 years is regarded as a young boy and if he dies by that, he will be regarded as being punished by God. That means that people are going to stay like trees with long life with assurances of answering the prayers of our children even before they finish praying to him. What I’m saying is that what I know today before 1977 when I wedded my wife is one million fold and I don’t know whether I’m overrating myself if I call myself a think tank in marriage.

Wife: Marriage teaches one to be humble because without humility, there will be crisis every time.  Marriage is an institution and you can even learn to appreciate God the more through it.

But don’t you think you married early at 25?

Husband: I didn’t quite marry early because some people married at 22, while I married at 25.  If people like you can get to school and keep girlfriends and spend all your money on them until you are getting to 35, I don’t blame them because for me, I was a mass server/ altar knight in the church from 1962 and all the morals were inside me. I knew it was sinful to engage in premarital sex, so for me to commit it, I had to do it with my wife at 25.  These days, students leave their dormitories by 4 am and visit a female section, which is corruption.  For me, I have my wife and she is my stronghold as the psalmist said.

What is your advice to families for a successful marriage?

Husband:  The issue is very simple. If your family becomes good and mine too, Anambra State will become good. If Anambra State becomes good followed by other states, then Nigeria will be good. The issue is this, if everybody is committing sin, that doesn’t make it right, the right things should be done at all times. Even if you are being intimidated to do the wrong thing, do the right one, because you know that your conscience is with you. My advice is, to marry early, train our children, let us look at ourselves, look at the face of your wife and do for her whatever she wants that you can afford. If she is treading a wrong path, she is your younger sister and not age mates, so it is our duty to correct them when they fall below expectations. Let us not take these things as so serious. If I chair a wedding, I always tell the mother of the groom to take the son’s wife as her youngest daughter that should be treated with care.

Wife: I advise women to learn from their husbands so that they can understand their feelings and avoid anything that would stress both. This is very important.

Let them also not hear stories from outside and come home to replicate such in their own homes. Every man and every family is unique, so people should not copy and paste some behavioural patterns learnt outside. Copying others wholly and entirely can be an invitation to quarrel in the family.

Life patterns of those who are super rich will be different from an average family or even the poor people. The most important thing is to know your level and maintain it.

Let couples put God first in their marriages and He will sustain them.

Prayer is also paramount and couple should take prayer as a very tangible thing to hold onto.