For a woman to be open-minded enough to accept to be a man’s side chick, she knows there’s someone who must never ever know she exists.
Amaka Nicholas
It is a known fact that some single and married women are romantically involved with single or married men who are in clearly defined relationships.
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I’m not one to play the ostrich or pretend that these things are not happening. Once it has become part of our reality, then it is best we talk about it.
For a woman to be open-minded enough to accept to be a man’s side chick, she knows there’s someone who must never ever know she exists. She also must be prepared because being a side chick is not an easy task, it comes with a lot of sacrifices
To avoid harsh judgment and criticism as a side chick, you must keep your relationship a secret at least from family, neighbors and friends. While you cannot openly admit you have a man or even flaunt him, it is also a huge struggle to say you don’t have a man which is often not a nice feeling or place to be, but you have agreed to be this man’s secret lover, then you cannot reveal this reality.
As a side chick, you must learn to disappear when he runs into his family or friends while you are together. Remember you two are only an item behind closed doors. Delete yourself out of any environment that may require introducing you or just accept whatever he introduces you as in good faith.
Study his daily routine, when he’s at work and he’s most likely home and around his family, it will enable you know when best to call or text. If it’s important you must reach him, send a text, keep it simple to avoid any form of suspicion or trouble should his wife or partner stumble on it first. Don’t call him whenever or however you wish; you do not have such phone privileges.
Resist the temptation of stalking his main woman or even looking her up on social media. That you are more educated or prettier than she is, does not take away the fact that she remains his main woman. The less you know about her, the better for you.
Don’t bother trying to be part of his holidays, birthdays, and even Valentine’s Day. These days are reserved for his wife or partner. You both can celebrate his birthday a day before or after with him. Avoid Valentine’s Day completely, don’t even send a text except it’s a work day and you are sure he’s at work. Christmas, New Year, Sallah, public holidays are family holiday time; you can only wait for his call or text message.
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Don’t expect him to treat you like his wife or partner. That he gives his wife or partner expensive gifts doesn’t mean that you must insist he gives you the same thing or something in that range.
In fact, a good side chick should encourage her man to be more kind and giving to his wife or partner. It is your responsibility to insist he takes something tangible home to his family especially when he’s the type who only thinks of spending everything on you at the expense of his family or wife.
Do not stalk him on social media or even create a fake Facebook or Twitter account to troll his female friends. Do not tag him or share pictures you two snapped together on any social media platform.
Avoid criticizing his wife or partner even if he does so himself. If he chooses to let you into what they are going through, encourage him to settle their differences amicably and if you have nothing good to say, just smile and shut up.
It’s natural to fall in love or even care about him, but avoid going all in. Hold back a little, this will help you lower your expectations and dealing with the heartaches and disappointments better when they happen.
Bear in mind that you will always come second to everything else in his life. Once his family or work calls, he’s up and gone. Try to not compete with number one. If he’s your boss, don’t act foolishly or jealous whenever his wife or partner visits the office.
If she calls him on phone when you are having your nice time together, you should remain quiet while they make their plans. You can even give him some space to freely chat with her. Remember you are his best kept secret.
Avoid getting pregnant with or without his consent. Pregnancy and baby complicates everything for you, for him and for his family except you both agree on it and you are ready to remain underground and quiet on your baby daddy’s identity.
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Give him some breathing space. Don’t be too clingy, needy and an attention seeker. Allow him miss you and come to you. He decides when to see you at his convenience.
Expect plans to change because his wife or partner comes first, so he will go to any length to keep her away from finding out you exist. He can cancel on you at the last minute. Canceling or change in plans is a common occurrence when you are a side chick. Learn not to feel offended or frustrated, he’s just trying to keep your relationship safe.
It is your job to keep your conversations fun, exciting and interesting. Always look good, exude positive vibes, no nagging or adding to his stress. He should enjoy peace with you. Your role is to be something different, someone he comes to for a good time. Don’t forget that.
To be continued.