By Pelumi Oyinlola Adewale
It was at a Lagos bus stop. As she made to board a bus, something slipped out of her handbag and fell on the ground.
“Madam, something has fallen out of your bag,” a man coming from behind informed her and picked up the item. It was then that he, and others at the scene, discovered that the item was shaped like a man’s penis. It turned out to be a dildo. Embarrassed, the lady quickly grabbed the item, put it back into her bag, and hurried away from the scene. But these days, sex toys appear to be getting more popular. They are used by many women who are sexually active but appear not to be getting enough sexual pleasure from their male partners. There are also women who don’t bother at all about being satisfied by man. They opt for sex toys anytime they want to get intimate with their bodies..
Recently, Saturday Sun spoke to both men and women on the use of sex toys, and they poured out their hearts. Many preferred anonymity while others opted for the use of pseudonyms. All the same, you will find their views insightful.
Disappointed by men’s organs
“I got to love sex toys from one day that I went for a wild birthday party,” Deborah Olufunmi said. “We all smoked and drank and everyone that night was deeply high. So we all decided to play a game on who could stick the longest and fattest dildo in their vaginas, just to see who had the widest hole and who was the sex addict among us. I didn’t fall under any category but the pleasure I felt for those few seconds was one I had never felt in my life, maybe because I was high. The next morning, I couldn’t stop thinking of the feeling. So, I decided to place an order so I could try it while sober. And, oh my God, I felt real climax and squirted easily. Since then I made a promise to myself to always use sex toys. Luckily, I don’t have a boyfriend to tell me not to do so.”
Her case is a bit different from Toluwalope Adeola’s. She said she used to have a boyfriend before she decided to experience the sexual pleasure offered by a dildo. “If I tell you how I got to love sex toys more than men, you will also end up seeing men like trash,” she told Saturday Sun.
“There was this very day I decided to hook up with one guy I used to chat with. He invited me over to his place in another state. I knew we would eventually end up having sex. But I didn’t mind the four hours it took me to get there. It was a hell of stress.
“Judging from the way he bragged about his sexual prowess in bed, I was expecting him to take me to Cloud 9. Come that night, after eating and watching a romantic movie together to get us into the mood, he finally made the move by grabbing, undressing and fondling me. But my first disappointment was the size of his organ. It was like that of a small boy. I wouldn’t have minded if he was skilful with it. He wasn’t. In fact, he was terribly awful in bed and couldn’t get to my G-spot.
“He came faster than a normal guy would. I was forced to ask him if he was okay. He said he was. To him, he enjoyed the sex. But I didn’t. He just woke up the desire in me without satisfying it. I didn’t spend another night there. The following morning I left and, thereafter, blocked him. Since then I have been using sex toys. It doesn’t disappoint. It has a perfect size and goes on and on until I reach the climax. All I have to do is change the batteries and that is not a big deal.”
It is also not a big deal for Stella Ndubuisi who confessed to having many of them in different shapes and sizes. “I love sex toys a lot and I have so many of them – dildos, Kegel balls, and so on,” she said. And she’s hardly moved by moral purists’ opinion about her passion. “Most people see it as a dirty act or a person masturbating but I don’t see it as that. I’ve noticed that most females condemn the act. But from personal experience, I can say that sex toy doesn’t disappoint; neither does it make too much demand on you. It is unlike men that would ask for different sex styles and positions and will want to break all your bones all in the name of wanting you to please them. For about a year or so, I have not had sex with any man. This is because sex toys are doing exactly what men do in bed. So what’s the point? I even have various collections of them. With them, I am able to satisfy myself anywhere and at any time without having to book a dick appointment with a dude.”
“The only reason I prefer sex toys to men is that sex toys don’t get tired easily,” Udoh Sandra informed. “You know, we women are hard to please sexually and you can’t blame a guy for not being able to meet up with a woman’s sexual demand. So once my guy has done what he can do, I finish up with a dildo but he doesn’t know I make use of dildos. Most men can’t and won’t allow their babes have alternative sex partners. So it is better to keep it from them for their own good.”
Eniola Sowemimo also sees the pleasure that sex toys offer as way better than the one offered by men. “To start with, they don’t talk nonsense in your ears during sex. And, they don’t sweat unnecessarily. All I need is to stick it on my wall or anywhere I want to stick it in then insert it into my pussy. I can practise any style by so doing. To me, it is better than bringing a guy over only for him to come up with irrelevant conversations before going straight to sex.”
Nma Valerie, a hooker, said: “I see men as money-making machines because I have had pretty bad sex experiences with them. So in order not to starve me sexually, I decided to buy various kinds of sex toys. I even ‘bdsm’ myself but most men don’t know how to ‘bdsm.’ All they want is bang and cum and pay. But I not only like torture during sex, I also like to feel every bit of sex and pleasure. But Nigerian men are poor with that skill.”
Nelly Gold, aka Barbie Doll, a dealer in sex toys, said: “My line of business ensures that I make use of it. I sell sex toys. So in order to know what to prescribe to my customers when they come complaining of no satisfaction during sex, I make use of them to know their work, function, and limits. There’s no sex toy I have not tried except the ones they are yet to manufacture. I sleep with men, at random, too. So I can tell you whatever men do in bed is complete trash. Forget the mouth they make during the talking stage. All of them are the same and it is like they all have the same size of dick and level of experiences. I encourage women not to die with one man that is poor in bed. Instead, they can make use of some toys to fully satisfy their urges.”
How sex toys aid sexual relationship
Ayanfe Adetutu revealed that in her own case, it was her boyfriend that introduced her to the use of sex toys: “The first time we had sex, he wore a ring on his dick and said it was to stimulate my level of satisfaction,” she recalled. “At first, I thought it was weird, because that is not a guy thing. But after experiencing the work and full effect of that thing, I fell in love with it. But he stopped using it, as he wasn’t able to come easily. The thing was only meant to satisfy me, he said. That’s how I decided to buy a fake dick with the ring on it and started using it on myself. And, for eight years, I have been doing this. My boyfriend never noticed.”
Interestingly, some married women interviewed by Saturday Sun confessed to also using them. But while one of them is yet to get the consent of her husband, the other revealed that her husband is aware and is fully in agreement because, according to her, he finds its use a great spice to their marriage. One of them is Mrs. Folashade Akanni who has been married for 14 years. “I make use of sex toys secretly because I am married,” she said. “But then I am looking forward to introducing it into my marriage fully. I once discussed it with my husband but he didn’t really buy the idea. But I’m in the process of convincing him so he can use it on me. I can also use it on myself openly in his presence instead of sneaking to use it. I am just trying to spice things up in my marriage by jumping on new trends so my husband doesn’t get tired of me.”
Pastor Mrs. Elijah, [not real name], a youth pastor said that she and her husband are on the same page on the issue. “As a pastor, I do not see anything wrong in you and your partner using sex toys to please yourselves,” she opined. “I even encourage youths that are married and the ones hoping to get married to try introducing it in their marriages. One thing people do not understand or shy away from is the fact that men like women who are sexually nasty. If you introduce new things in your marriage, I don’t think your man will look outside in search of a side chick. That’s what I tell women and I have gotten testimonies of how sex toys have fixed cheating husbands and so on. I don’t preach what I don’t practise. If it doesn’t work for me, I won’t tell others to do it. My husband has never cheated on me but our sex life has improved greatly. It is now more fun and adventurous.”
Male antagonists: Why we object
While some men interviewed said that they would not be shocked if their girlfriends or wives decide to use them, some of them are not well-disposed to its use by their partners.
One of them, Victor Abbey said he would feel some strong letdown, especially if his sex partner did not discuss the issue with him before going for one: “Well, I don’t use a sex toy,” he said. “So, if I find my partner using a sex toy, I’d feel weird especially if she didn’t talk about whatever problem she has with me sexually before turning to the sex toy. I mean that is odd. I might end up breaking up with her.”
Ayo Benson confessed that he is irritated by the very thought of it: “I just pray I don’t even get to hear my girlfriend talking about it much less pricing or owning one. Come to think about it, what does she want? I satisfy her way more than she satisfies me in bed. So what kind of greed will enter into her to make her want to own a sex toy? It is like my responsibility is being taken away. In fact, it is similar to her sleeping with another guy; it’s only that the other guy, in this case, is inanimate. I don’t beat women oh. But her owing one can make me lose trust in her and beat the hell out of her.” Bayo Adewale dismissed the talk about his girlfriend or wife owning a sex toy with a wave of the hand. “I trust my woman; she cannot buy one,” he boasted. “But if she eventually gets one, I’ll sit her down and have a deep conversation with her. If her response is not valid enough then I’ll put an end to the relationship because I’ll start to see her in some type of way that is not appealing. If she doesn’t like my sexual habit, I expect her to tell me and not take matters into her own hands and hurt me by buying sex toys without consulting me.”
Taiye Babalola, added: “I don’t know how I would react if I find my woman making use of a sex toy because I have a very big dick. We have sex almost every day but mainly at her convenience and the reason I do this is to make her not see the value of wanting sex somewhere else. But if she feels she will leave a human dick to try a plastic one then she does not deserve to be called my girlfriend.”
“I can’t even believe there is something called sex toys and that girls are crazy about them,” Opeyemi Ogunlana said: “My babe had better not try to bring up discussions about sex toys, not to talk of me finding it in her handbag, No, that will be disrespectful to me.”
Men protagonists: Why we don’t mind
Oluwaseun Michael appeared to be more understanding, more accommodating than Abbey and others. Even though he confessed to having not seen one before now, he is not totally averse to its use by his girlfriend: “If I find my babe using it, I won’t get annoyed because it means I’m not satisfying her the way she wants. And, maybe she doesn’t know the best way to put it in words for me so as not to get on my nerves. Or, maybe she has been telling me but I have still not improved. It could also be she stumbled on a video of people using it and experiencing a different kind of pleasure. So, her use of it might be a way of exploring.”
Melriyo shares the same view with Michael: “If I find a sex toy with my woman, I won’t do anything at all,” he said with a smile. “I wouldn’t even react strangely. In fact, I’ll assist her in making use of it. Women satisfy men easily. But as much as men like to be satisfied, it is rare to see a guy that cares if his woman is sexually satisfied. That is why most of them run to sex toys as a way of getting pleasure. But because of our disposition, they end up hiding it from us. If my woman decides to buy and use them then I do not see anything wrong in it so long I am using it on her and not some other guy somewhere.”
Femi Adeniji admitted that he and his girlfriend make use of sex toys a lot during sex. “I mean it has become a norm in our relationship,” he said. “I even buy them myself and sometimes when I discuss this with guys, they look at me as if I’m crazy. I’m not. I bond well with my babe when we use sex toys because they make her climax. We sometimes take it to the extreme. I encourage couples to make use of sex toys to spice up their relationship. That will reduce the rate of cheating.”
But Kehinde Babalola said that while he is willing, his girlfriend is not interested. “If I find any sex toy in my woman’s handbag, I’ll be really excited because I love wild and crazy women,” he remarked. “And, only a wild woman will be bold enough to pull up that kind of stunt. I’ll love to see her use it in my presence, see how she reacts while using it and examine her level of pleasure. I really want to see my woman use it but she doesn’t fancy it, so I don’t force it.”