Quite a number of couples smile when in public, just to cover up the frosty, unhappy and unhealthy situation of their marital relationships. Really, not all couples are enjoying marriage. In some cases, the problem began within weeks of tying the nuptial knots in church. Despite the early cracks in the union, the couples just decide to endure the situation, trying to make the best of a bad situation. Some women in such marital unions hang in, just for the sake of the children, to ensure they have a stable and proper upbringing as well as to avoid single parenting. Without mincing words, several men and women are regretting going into marriage. All because of the toxic attitude of one the spouses in the marriage. They sincerely wish they could send back the hand of the clock, for them to choose a better life partner.
Take the case of Jude Nduadim, 38, whose daily activities revolve around sports, and is most often found in the vicinity of the stadium in his neighbourhood. One day, after a strenuous exercise session, the men sat down to rest and engage in general discussion. Soon the conversion veered towards the issue of women and marriage Nduadim sneaked in a remark. He said, ‘after a man marries, he meets a virtuous wife.’ The other turned towards with rapt attention, as he continued: “If I had known, I would not have married my wife; I would have waited a little longer for maturity to set in and guide such important life decision. But I thought I was in love and had seen it all because my business was booming. I felt part of the accomplishment was to decorate the front of my car with a fair-skinned lady. Her height and colour were the attractions for me. I did not consider character. Honestly, I am in total regret over my marriage.”
The discussion went back and forth with various pieces of advice being put forward, encouraging him to hold on, endure, pray and look the other way. One of the men, Mike, shook his head and exclaimed, “Women, fear them! Why do you think most men sit out and take some bottles? It was when I lost my job and had nothing for almost three years that I saw the true colour of my wife as she practically reduced me to nothing, always abusing and calling me names. It got to a point where I asked myself, if she died what would I miss about her? Food and sex. From that moment, I strategized, trained my body and looked up to God. I divorced her in my mind though we still shared the same roof. As far as I was concerned, she was living for her children.”
Tunde took the floor and said:”From the onset I knew that my wife did not love me. She jumped at me because I proposed marriage to her the moment we met without beating about the bush. I cannot remember any special love she has shown to me as her husband in the 12 years we have been married, and I do everything for her. She has never given me anything to mark any celebration. Instead, her poor character always reminds me of my first love, Ruth, who would smuggle out her mother’s food and bring to me when I was an apprentice in a big pharmaceutical shop in Kaduna. I lost her when her father, a NEPA official, was transferred to Cross-River State and I could not locate her. It was after she left with her parents that I met my wife.
Regret over the state of marital situations is also rumbling among women, who wish they got married to perfect husbands. A mild drama played out at the local wing of the airport, where Mrs Prisca Nzem recalled that she was about to board a flight when a bookseller walked straight to her with a book titled, 1000 Ways to Make Your Husband Happy. Nzem told the bookseller to get the feminine version of it, ‘1000 Ways To Make Your Wife Happy. Regarding the book, she said thousands of women are in deep regret over their marriage. Just then, she said, the woman who sat beside her said.: “If I had known, I would have married my first boyfriend who asked me to wait for him, but I felt time was running out on me. I had completed my secondary education and wondered why I should wait for him. Without a doubt marriage is under various attacks. It takes a focused mind and wisdom to succeed in the journey.
My good people, my message today is simple, all the time being wasted on regrets, comparison and “If I had known, please redirect and reconstruct your mind, always focus on that which attracted you the first time. Knowing that the regret is from the pit of hell; who knows why God did not allow it to materialize? That ex you are missing might not be the messiah after all. He or she might even become the household enemy to your greatest surprise. Sit tight where you are and cover your lane responsibly. Somehow, it has been discovered that love alone does not conquer all, it requires principles, responsibilities, activities and wherewithal to make it work. Stop regretting your marriage, change your attitude and ways, do positive things, show your partner responsibility, restore his or her confidence because most people are in dire need of what you have, therefore, men and women, instead of complaining, challenge yourself, work hard, tell the truth in all situation, do the right thing from today and watch how things will fall into pleasant places; it is only death that cannot be mended. Above all, God the creator of the institution called marriage also hears our prayers.