Dead end relationships are relationships that have passed their expiration date.
Researchers say most people know when they have reached a dead end in their relationship or marriage.
Would you rather be miserable in a relationship or marriage than be alone?
Is a relationship or marriage a do or die affair for you?
As bizzare as it sounds, many people choose to stay in relationships that are over and unhappy.
In Nigeria, the two words people don’t like to talk about are divorce and break-up. I have seen marriages that I would personally champion for a divorce on behalf of the couples because they are miserable together.
Many people believe that everything must be tried to keep a marriage or relationship going. But in some cases, people take the option of divorce, while most people keep holding on or tend to hang on because of how much they have invested both material and immaterial in the relationship or marriage to keep it going even when they are not making any progress.
You can’t remain in a toxic relationship where your partner batters you emotionally, physically and otherwise. You wake up everyday bitter and broken, raising kids in such a toxic environment filled with so much hatred.
While you may not want your kids to grow without the presence of their mother or father, what about the damage youare suffering emotionally and psychologically?
Even though divorce is often very difficult when there are kids involved, the damage you do to your children’s psyche by stayinhg in a toxic marriage will haunt them for life.
Constant bickering, fighting and arguing doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship has hit a dead end. Petty bickering is a habit couples put up to avoid the accumulation of anger. But when it degenerates into angry and abusive fights, with no change in sight, temporary separation is an option. And if the marriage breaks down irretrievably after this temporary separation without any improvement, then it’s a dead end relationship and divorce should be the last resort.
Most people remain in dead end relationships because of societal pressure and fear of being alone especially when they are getting older.
Many women would rather be miserable in a relationship than be alone, forgetting that one is not necessarily lonely when they are alone. The alone time avails you the privilege to prepare your mind on what you want in your next relationship.
Staying alone gives you the time to discover your purpose in life, not to lose yourself in your next relationship and not let your happiness depend on people or happenings around you. How you fare in your relationship ormarriage matters.
If your genotype does not support you being together in a relationship, don’t stay put, waiting and hoping for a miracle. If you and your partner have AS or SS genotype, break up. You may be genuinely in love, but love is not enough here. Common sense should tell you that you are likely to give birth to kids with sickle cell anaemia.
No parent should willingly put their child through such pain and suffering, neither should any parent suffer such pain too, watching their little ones in excruciating pain and they are unable to help them.
It is capital intensive to get a born marrow transpant and no end in sight for their crisis. Once it is certified that your genotype does not support you being in a procreating relationship with your partner, move on.
When you are talking about the future and he or she doesn’t want to talk about that, but avoids such topic or anything related to it, that’s when you should move on. It means you are not on the same page. It means your partner is not ready to commit and even if they are, you are obviously not the person they see as their future partner.
Another sign of dead end relationship is incompatible goals. You want to spend more time together, but your partner wants more space. They become completely physically and emotionally unavailable. You want more children, but they don’t. He/she wants marriage, you don’t. He/she would like to live abroad, but you want to stay back in the country.
Having mismatched goals is a sign you need to be more open with each other and try to improve on your communication skills. But when only one partner sacrifices so much while the other remains or acts indifferent, it is a sign of a dead end relationship.
Who has ever died from not been in a relationship or not getting married? Walk away especially when it is obvious that the relationship you are clinging to for security is most likely doing you more harm than good.
In walking away, there will be consequences especially when kids are involved. There will be considerations like housing, years of history together, your financial status, age, fear of being alone, what people will say, how being apart will work, who will take care of you and so on.
But the truth is that you are better off alone, than staying in a dead end relationship where you are not making progress and you are gradually dying inside by the day.
You have to accept and live in your reality. There will be down moments, don’t expect everything to be fine and easy. You will be stronger and better in the end.