…That’s why I woke this morning with joy when I heard that PMB was singled out for an award – for singing “Nnwe nweshu”!

Usoro I Usoro

President Buhari is a wonderful man. Very exceptional! I don’t care what his haters may say, they will one day realize that Nigeria has never had a president that is so sincere and truthful! And can sing nnwe nweshu!

My reasons commending PMB are simple. First, it takes a sincere person to admit outside his country, in an election year, that he is not Jubril! Such candid fellow! He did it once before and earned my respect. He told us in 2015 that his old age would interfere with his ability to deliver as president. While other contenders claimed they will build bridges where there is no water, Buhari was truthful enough to defy Lai’s advice to lie. He told us calmly, but boldly, that his performance might be slowed by age. Well, Aisha is yet to confirm “za oza” performance and like Baba would say, “that’s her business”! But we can pretty well tell that PMB was right in his prediction concerning performance in office, or can’t we?

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Ok, just the other day, Aisha tried making allusion to Buhari’s performance in governance – as if we all can’t see. She claimed Baba was slow in “performing” because “two men” were in control of government. Then, she tried us: ”Where are the Nigerian men? What are you doing?” But trust us, we did not answer o. Well, again, to show how sincere Buhari is, the man woke me the next day with a candid admission that Aisha was right. Partially, though. “People are calling me Baba Go Slow. I am going slowly…Yes, we are slow…” While he accepted that he’s been “slow”, Baba however denied that only “two men” control his government. So, could they be more than two, then? Na kwueshion o. Never mind!

Well, though Baba has admitted before this honorable public court that he’s slow, I’m here to defend him. I can confirm with evidence that there’s at least one area that he can’t be adjudged as slow. At the risk of being denied Aso hamper, I disagree with Buhari that he’s been slow. Well, it took him 76 years to learn how to sing a Christmas song, but he’s proven that he’s not slow in singing. Ok, he didn’t exactly win a singing competition all these years. That’s because he didn’t sing all of the four failed attempts at the presidency. He didn’t attempt singing in 2015, 2016 and 2017. Now, does anyone still wonder why PMB was in a hurry to finish the quartet he did with Oshunbade, sorry, Osinbajo and Osho Baba? As his defender, I hereby tender this as an incontrovertible evidence to prove that Baba has not always been slow!

Those who know me would swaer that I rejoice at other people’s successes. That’s why I woke this morning with joy when I heard that PMB was singled out for an award – for singing “Nnwe nweshu”! The winning point, according to the assessors, was that while the other “two men” were trying to “slow” the song, Buhari was the first to brace the tape when he hit “ande”. In fact, while Oshunbade and Osho sang “ande” only once, PMB was the only one with the integrity to sing “ande” twice in one “nnwe nweshu” song. They all managed to end the “how many Christmas” with other Nigerians at a junction called: “happy new jeer”! 2019 election or not, Baba deserves the Grammy, mbok! After all, it takes election fever to act a “fast” one.

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Indeed, that Grammy news cleared sleep from my eyes. I soon realized that, next, Garuba Shehu might add it to Baba’s “colony” of achievements – beside the world class 800 metres walk. And a mischievous newscaster might go: “President Buhari has added another feather to his cap by winning an Oscar for singing “ande” twice on Christmas! This is in addition to the record-breaking 800 metres walk, which qualified him for a second term, according to Presidential spokesman, Garuba Shehu!”

Again, contrary to what some mischief (and missus-chief?) makers claim, I can also argue that it’s not true that economy has gone down completely in the Buhari years. Baba said it himself. “On improving the economy, which we are still going to explore, we have done well in agriculture”. Well, don’t ask me what that means. My self-imposed job of defending Buhari does not include interpretation of Latin. Two press releases might soon emanate from the presidency to explain what PMB had in mind. Wait for them or jump into the next river.

However, let me quickly add that in terms of economy, Baba might soon become an “explorer” for the sake of 2019. Still, it is not true, contrary to the naysayers, that the economy has died. Where was it buried? There are actually some aspects of the economy that are currently booming, jo. Those who doubt me should visit Eket-Oron Road, Ubium area of Akwa Ibom State. There’s a clear indication that business seems to be on the rise for coffin makers, for instance. On weekly basis, new sets of coffins are displayed along that route. Don’t bother asking me where the old ones go.

Same may, however, not be said of the trade in the North East, for instance, where mass graves are the order of the day. But we in the south are proud and happy that our undertakers are taking home more money – while we cry. Nigerians seem to be responding well to government’s charge that they should be innovative. Hence, more private Funeral Homes and mortuaries are springing up these days. Business seems good!

Another area I want to defend Buhari and his government is in vote-buying. One “fool” said TraderMoni is vote-buying in disguise. “Why now?’ he asked. I didn’t even bother to answer him. If he asked nicely, I would’ve informed him that the scheme is just another version of sharing of national cake and chin-chin. PDP was accused of sharing to fewer people. Now, APC is attempting to enlarge it to cover more voters. Dig? And, perhaps, someone else would have told “the fool” clearly that my name does not include Osinbajo, the distributor-in-chief of the project. Fact, however, is that giving publicized N10,000 (some claim the actual in some cases turn to N7,000) to people on the street is no way to boost the economy, in an election year. How about putting an effective economic policy in place to enable banks perform their lending functions?

For once, by saying there’s no cabal in his government, Baba seems to say he’s “in charge”. That’s good. Now, haters will be put to shame that PMB doesn’t need to be “recharged” to function. He is already in charge! Ok, but is he ready to take blame now, as the Commander-In-Chief, for the insecurity in the land? Is he now aware of our hardship? Is he saying that he’s now awake to the corruption cases in his government? Enough of fire-brigade approaches aimed at winning votes. Vote-buying could come in different forms, abi? Baba should be told that Nnwe nweshu alone will not do any magic o!

Open letter to Mr. President and Commander-in-Chief