Dear Dr,
I was gang-raped by some boys and I am seriously confused. I don’t know what to do. Please advise me
– Linarita, Lanlate, Oyo State
Dear Linarita,
Very sorry about your plight, but these things happen and everyone— (all women especially since children and men can also be raped) has to listen well and learn what to do about rape because it’s getting increasingly common. I’ll call this write-up the ABC of rape.
First is A for APART—you need to go settle down somewhere safe and compose yourself – that’s, of course, after crying and being shocked and numbed and feeling like suicide. All that is normal. You need to think and review the situation and make important decisions. So find a safe place and make up your mind on some issues. Do you want to keep quiet about it or get justice or just want an apology? The whole choice is yours, but you must set APART all the evidence, so you can make your point well when you decide to do so.
Don’t wash, don’t clean up, don’t remove your clothes or any torn clothing or pants; don’t do anything that will change the evidence. Keep all evidence apart; sit down; set time apart and even WRITE what happened – so you can recall it better when and if you need to. Maybe you are so confused you don’t know what to do?
That brings us to B—BULWARK or support. You need a bulwark – strong support in the situation you find yourself, which friend, sister, relative and acquaintance do you want to call and confide in and rely upon for help and general emotional, physical and other kinds of support at this time?
The next point, C—CALL or calling the police. If you need to call us and we’ll help you – see the numbers below.
It is a good thing to have someone go with you to the police; a times you must be warned—they can be very funny and the reason is, generally men (most police officers are men) believe that any woman reporting rape was complicit in the act. In other words, they may not be too sympathetic because they tend to feel you were careless. But when you go with somebody else, they may be forced to be more humane. Bits of the rapists hair or strands of fabric or maybe a belt or shoe or torn shirt etc. will definitely interest the police as evidence.
The D part: DOCTORS. In their search for evidence, the medical will come into play; so they will arrange for you to be seen by a doctor and the evidence you preserved will come in very handy. Any semen or male discharge even if dried on your body or genitals, blood, bruises, etc. will be detailed by the doctor who will take care to examine you after taking specimens for lab tests of STDs/HIV etc. The doctor may need a urine specimen to check out if you were drugged, in cases where this happened. Apart from these, it’s only a doctor that can help you make sure you do not get pregnant and bring a rapist’s bastard into the world. Again, you can call or e mail us or visit our blog at www.mediamedix.blogspot.com to access quality help.
E stands for EXPEL or expelling the evil from your system. Any woman who has undergone rape needs to be mended emotionally and even spiritually of her wounds, which are internal. It is only a counselor that can help you expose and expel whatever psychological or spiritual demons are lurking in your inner man. Your self-respect, self-assurance, self-respect, self-esteem all need to be restored – that’s on the psychological level. On the spiritual, I affirm that evil spirits take advantage of folks who are battered and shocked and use such opportunities to jump inside people and torment them. A wise counselor/pastor will help you exorcise all such problems as difficulty relating with men after rape, fear of sex; constantly recurring memories of the rape attack; feelings of guilt and regret that perhaps you were responsible for the attack and so on. This, I find, is key to being a rape survivor rather than a rape victim.
A final word on how to avoid rape: Women should be less trusting and more thrifty with their love and acceptance of all men, whether acquaintance or relative or stranger.
DO NOT agree to be ALONE with any man in a closed room if you are not married to him. The Quran, I am told, says that in all such situations, Al Satan (Satan) is the third personality attendant; and in the Bible, the story of Tamar, David’s daughter and her half brother, Amnon, in 1 Samuel 13, buttresses this view and is very instructive to women. BE VERY CAREFUL.
My menses and getting pregnant
Dear Dr,
I have always wanted clarification about this matter: As a woman, when can I get pregnant and when should I not worry about getting pregnant?
I am told that there are times when the chances of my getting pregnant are non-existent. I mean this in the context of my menstrual cycle. Can you also give the explanation why it is so?
– Linda Ajenifuja,
Hello Linda,
Take note of these ten points and never be confused again about when you, as a woman, can get pregnant or not.
Every woman needs to know this so as to by her very self, control her fertility:
1. All women menstruate for about five days in 28/30
2.During this period, blood comes out of the woman’s vagina.
3. During other days, not blood, but some other stuff come out of the vagina. Normal vaginal discharge is white or off-white, not itchy and not smelly.
4. These stuff or discharge are of four types and resemble four common substances.
5. The first is water. Then dry –nothing. Then pap –ogi or akamu – the cold type.
6. Finally, there is the okro-like discharge that women have come out of their vaginas sometime during their monthly – 28 day or 30 day or whatever the length of the cycle. Okay?
7. So we have, blood; dry; wet like water, wet like ogi or akamu and wet like okro. To recap, we have 4/5 discharges that women have during their monthly cycles. Blood, dry, water, pap and okro. The pap and okro constitute what is called ovulation mucus. It is the time when the woman’s egg is around and she can get pregnant by the sperm fertilising it if she has sex.
8. You can and should check which discharge you are having whenever you go to the loo every day. Just like you use tissue paper to wipe your mouth, use same (tissue) to wipe your vulva (shows) and note as well as mentally record what discharge you’re having for that day. Check it to make sure –each time you visit the ladies’ that day.
9. To get pregnant, have sex when the discharge is plentiful, drawy and slippery like okro.
10.To avoid pregnancy, have sex at the time you are having any other discharge – except the okro –and to be doubly sure, the pap-like times. Follow this guide and you can’t miss it. I will answer any other questions/queries and clarify for you– just send them.
Don’t forget, also. If you have no questions, but are fully satisfied with my explanation, please still send to me to say so. You can also talk to me on the help-lines. I’ll be glad to help sort out whatever is confusing you.