Most Nigerians look for a quick fix to almost every life issues. To them, it’s a one-size-fits-all. Just because it worked for Mr. A, the same thing must work for every other person. So we keep living in denial or shifting blames rather than facing the problem headlong.

A stubborn and uncontrollable child grows into a man; he remains stubborn and acts irrationally. He is selfish, and very likely without focus, he wants what he wants and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He’s by every standard a prodigal son, he respects and fears no one including his parents, for a fact he’s the black sheep of the family & everyone knows.

And the next thing that pops up in his parents and family’s mind is to find him a wife to marry. They believe that the presence of a wife and children in the nearest future will calm him down and make him more responsible and reasonable.

It is often believed or perceived by most Nigerians that getting married makes people very responsible all of a sudden. Unfortunately, it is women that bear the brunt of such perception because they end up with grown adults behaving badly. I wonder how we got to such conclusion, just because two or three stubborn men slowed down after marriage, now it must work for everyone.

Women have become correctional facilities for irresponsible and irrational men. This is how we drive innocent girls into storms in the name of marriage. People drive their daughters into lives of sorrow, anger, frustration, nagging, resentment, high blood pressure, and anguish in a bid to calm a raging tornado down in the name of marriage. It is sad that women married to such men are just babysitting adults.

It is a lie to believe that a woman can change a man. No woman can change any man. When a brother is ready to change because he loves you or he feels it’s time, he makes deliberate efforts not because he’s afraid of you or because you keep drumming it into his ears. He does so because he loves and respects you and feels within him to make such necessary change. It is not because you changed him. He changed himself for you.

Ladies have married and are still receiving countless marriage offers from parents on behalf of their knuckle heads out of control sons who care about no one else but themselves. They say, “You know he listens to you, and with you in his life he will become more responsible.” “You are the kind of woman that can help him put his life together and on track.” “You know how God works and only you can tame him.”

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Dear ladies, hearing is different from listening and implementation. You can survive his excesses from afar but not as a partner sharing the same house and space with him. This is when your constant advice becomes nagging because he won’t change even after all your constant sermon. It gets to a point you begin to sound like a broken record.

This is something his parents and even the society couldn’t fix all their lives, then out of the blues just because he has come of age, the only cure is the presence of an innocent woman who he will heap all his demons on. The lady might also be a complete novice still trying to find out who exactly she is and what she wants out of life.

She then comes in and marries your self-centered son, someone who doesn’t even know where his life is headed emotionally after 30 years. His emotions are constantly rocky and nobody understands him. This is how some women end up broken, battered and frustrated in the name of marriage, and left with children to cater for without a real father figure around.

Women are no psychologists or psychiatrists to diagnose and treat an irresponsible man’s problem neither are they correctional facilities to dump damaged men in. Let your son be, continue to speak to him or encourage him to seek professional help, and when he’s ready to take up the responsibilities that comes with marriage and children, he will make a deliberate turn by himself.

Such men must be allowed to choose their own women by themselves when they are ready. If he’s not ready, he’s sure not ready, and because they seem to have a mind of their own, any woman imposed on them in the name of marriage to calm and make them think and act responsibly won’t work. He will surely break and make her miserable, she will end up frustrated while living a life of hell on earth.

Sisters, you are neither a cage that tames wild humans neither are you a tranquilizer that subdues them. Don’t let your innocent self walk into a naked high tension wire just because they told you that you can do what his parents couldn’t do all their lives.

Parents, stop looking for quick fixes to your irresponsible sons’ behaviour. Stop dumping them on innocent girls. Send your sons for proper rehabilitation and quit living in denial. He needs to seek professional help not marriage.