Before Ify and I stood up to minister at Evangel Pentecostal Church, Iba, also known as, ‘Victory House’, on March 25, 2018, a birthday cake was cut for a sister and we celebrated her. Unknown to her and the audience, the same date and almost the same time, forty years ago, March 25, 1978, was great for us. Looking good in three-piece-English suit, while Ify was very inviting in her flowing white gown, Obi, my groom’s man, was behind me, and by her sides, were her bride’s maids, all for the tying of our nuptial knots in splendor! “So 40 years have passed?” I rejoiced within.
I opened the Couples’ Party by telling them the message Rev. Mike Bonomi gave that auspicious day. It was a Greek mythology of how, one day, Eve offended Adam and he brought her to God, opting for divorce. The next day, he came back to God, pleading to have her back. God, in His mercy, acquiesced. A few days later, Eve offended him again and he dumped her before God, but on reaching home, he realized that he could not do without her. Coming back to God, he vowed that he would never reject her again. “I thank God,” I told them, “that I have never brought Ify to God, saying that I would not marry her again”. Making a haven of marriage is possible, but it is all about the choices we make. A sweet pot of soup, ‘na money kill am’. There is a price to pay for it.
It is the nature of human beings to cheat, to be selfish, and to do only the things they like. When a person is born-again, he becomes a new creature and the old things about him will then pass away and all things become new. Certain demands in marriage may not be acceptable to an unbeliever and this is why it is necessary for the spouses to be born-again, if they want to make a haven of their marriage. If not, they can never enjoy their marriage. If one of them is born-again, they cannot also make the most out of their marriage. Their language will differ until the unbelieving spouse is born again. Wealth, position or children do not make a marriage to succeed. It is the way the couple chooses to live. Trust is the foundation on which a sound marriage is built. You cannot trust an unbeliever. In fact, he cannot even trust himself.
“My husband,” Ify said, when she took over from me, “always talks about a boy in England, who was singing, during a Church service, ‘Trust and okay’, while her mum and others were singing, ‘Trust and obey’. All the attempts by the mum to correct him failed. Walking a bit on the memory lane, his mum realized that he was right. “Yes, once there is trust, every other thing will be okay”. Ify illustrated this, using the trust between David and Jonathan. David recognized that Jonathan was King Saul’s heir-apparent. Jonathan appreciated David as their national champion, who, women had ‘anointed’ literally to the throne for killing Goliath. Knowing that David was God’s choice, he risked his life to save him, when his dad wanted to kill him. Each trusted the other. What David could not tell Michal, his wife, who risked her life to save his life, he did to him. The knot of trust between the couple, however, needed to be tightened but it was not. Marriage is sure to fail if there is no trust.
Using our marriage to illustrate, Ify told them, how she stayed back till June in the US in 2014, when I was returning in May, though she knew that there were two graduate ladies, not our relations, living with us. Trust! She also narrated how she went for Omugwo in Abule-Ado, Lagos, in 2016, leaving a lady and me only, in the house, for four months. Trust! Lack of it kills marriage but it can be abused. A woman visited her younger brother and caught him sleeping with her daughter! A man impregnated his daughter a few years ago and was jailed for nine years. Will a woman be policing her husband? It is painful when trust is abused. The healing may take time.
“Ify has talked about trust,” I said, when I took over from her, “lack of it has ruined marriages. Imagine a situation, where a housemaid tells her Madam that she would leave their house. Aunty may ask her the reason and she keeps mum. Pressed further, she tells her that, “Daddy wants to be sleeping with me. That time you travelled, I allowed him, thinking that he would not try it again. He did today but I resisted him. I do not want to break your home,” she tells you with some tears. Will you not believe this lie? Some wives will fight their husbands. This is why you should know your spouse. Somebody might have sent her to destroy your home.
I spoke on Submission, which is an important Pillar that holds the home. I explained mutual submission, where each spouse submits to the other, irrespective of the custom – Eph. 5:21. I encouraged husbands to be helping their wives in the kitchen. “For wives, God expects you to be submitting to your own husbands absolutely,” I said. I reminded them that submission is only to their husbands and not to their parents-in-law, brothers-in-law, et cetera. Secondly, the submission is in everything unless where sin is implied. It is not an appeal but a command from God. It is therefore, mutually exclusive. It does not therefore depend on whether or not the husband obeys God’s command for him to love her. God makes such a demand on a wife because her husband is the head of the family – Gen 3:16, Eph. 5:23, 1Pt 3:1.
Ify took over and spoke on the Pillar of Love. She cited what I did in the Assemblies of Gods Church, Satellite Town, Lagos, in 2012, during Couples’ Party. I asked husbands whether they loved their wives and many hands were raised up. I appreciated them. I asked whether any of them could give one of his kidneys to his wife if she needed it and only a few hands were raised up. I still appreciated them. If the kidney you gave packed up and her doctor requests that you give the remaining one so that you will go to Heaven, where we sing is better than here, will you give?” I asked them No hand was raised up. Ify reminded them that Jesus did the same. He died for us. This is the true meaning of love. God’s command is that men should love their wives in the same way the Lord Jesus loved the Church and died on her behalf.
She spoke also on the hidden pains in the heart, illustrating with communication. What attracted Jesus to the two men travelling to Emmaus, as recorded in Luke 24:13-15, was not their fat offerings nor paying tithe above 10%. As much as these are good, it was intimate communication, between them that attracted Jesus. We need to improve on our intimacy. She spoke also on forgiveness. May we forgive our spouse for doing wrong things: playing on our intelligence, hiding money, bad words, et cetera.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]