Agatha Emeadi
It has become very rampant for most insecure men to destroy, tarnish or sometimes kill their wives, girlfriends and concubines because of their money. So many women have gradually gone down spiritually, emotionally and physically because of the way their husbands waste their hard earned resources. A few who raised their voice against this social injustice have been silenced or killed. Some chose to separate from such men or even divorce them. The fearful ones choose to live with it but are dying silently just to maintain the façade of being married to the so-called husbands.
How on earth would a man’s heart, mind and thought be centred and focused on his wife’s income? Some even have a projection and budget of what to do with their wives’ resources forgetting that she had been empowered before she got into the marriage that demands for the total control of her income. Some husbands expect her to drop all she does with her money and pour her resources at their feet. There is no responsible wife who does not support her family financially, so do not get me wrong.
Years ago, the news of a female banker who was brutally killed by her young handsome husband, who incidentally was a pastor, broke out in Lagos. Her colleagues revealed that she often came to work with bandages and plasters on her upper chambers. When queried, she would smartly say ‘I had a fall’. No one knew that her man had been abusing her physically because of her income. She was finally killed because she refused to hand over her leave allowance which wanted to use for her planned trip to Dubai. Hell was let loose and peace ceased to reign until her throat was slashed with a sharp knife. Many female bankers fall prey to this thought because their upfront incomes are paid early in the year, and some husbands make plans on how to feast big on this allowance. Some marry conmen ransack the banks, to look for women with and without wedding rings. The first move of such men is to talk his babe into getting a loan that would run into millions as a banker to service an unknown or fraudulent business. When the process of getting this money is on, the lady will be the best thing that has happened to him until the money is released, squandered and unaccounted for. If that wife dares to ask after the money, the beast in him would rise and peace would depart from the home until she is shown the way out either in death or otherwise. A top female banker whose husband had claimed that she fell in the bathroom was allegedly discovered later to have pushed her in the bathroom as their six-year-old son revealed. Her head hit the wall and she became unconscious as she hit the bathtub. The same wicked husband raised the raised alarm and people sympathized with him. The lady died on the way to the hospital. What was the cause of the attack? She refused to apply for a second six-digit loan, as her confidant later revealed.
Fresh skinned good looking guys who have been struggling in Europe and America will manage to come home after saving for five years to look for women in the healthcare professions. Their targets are the single medical doctors and nurses. Intelligence, beauty, responsibility or family background does not appeal to them anymore because research has proved that medical practitioners in foreign countries are money-spinning machines. Once they drag any girl in this profession into their net, the first instruction would be to build a one story house her husband’s family compound within a year of her arrival in the US or Europe. It happened to a medical doctor who insisted on inviting and taking her widowed mother who stood in the gap for better treatment instead of building a house. As soon as her mother arrived the US, her husband couldn’t understand why his wife would not adhere to his instructions of saving towards an aesthetic mansion in the village. To him, she invited her mother because she could afford the crisp dollars. In a very heated argument, the man pulled his gun and shot his wife and mother-in-law. Both died instantly.
An encounter with a State Registered Nurse (SRN) in a government hospital will leave you in pains. “I opened up to tell my husband that I have almost finished paying for the cooperative land we bought as an association five years ago before I met him. He was happy but with time he started asking me my plans towards that property and suggested we sell it to buy a Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) like his elder brother to shine in the village since we will be travelling for Christmas. I refused outright and noticed that his love started dwindling. His language and attitude changed until he finally beat me black and blue over another argument. It took the intervention of neighbors who rescued and rushed me to the hospital. I was almost dying because of my years of financial discipline to acquire land.”
Timid men who are caught in this web must desist from the evil. Do not marry a wife and kill her because of her hard earned money. Get up and work. Do not let your wives’ money, resources, wealth give you sleepless nights. Do not be calculating what to do with her salary at the end of the month. It is wrong. Do not use your position as a husband to drive your dream with her money. She is there to support you as the neck supports the head, not to shoulder your responsibilities. No lazy man on earth makes a happy home no matter how handsome. Do not compel her to pay all bills with her money without appreciation. If her destiny is brighter than yours, be happy and work harmoniously with her. If she is the type whose hand makes money from any little enterprise, encourage her instead of being jealous. If she is lucky with a better job, do not pull her down or kill her to enjoy her benefit as the next of kin.Those men who ask their wives, “Is it because you come from a wealthy family” are simply jealous. Is it a crime for a lady to come from a better background? Do not kill her because of her better structured family. Instead work hard and learn how to build so your children will enjoy. Responsible wives are no fools; they know when to cover, support and stand with their husbands.
I doff my cap for a university lecturer who publicly said that his wife was more intelligent than him, but added that he was still her husband. Both were lecturers in a university. When the position for an associate professor was vacant and needed to be filled up immediately, the wife was the best qualified candidate based on the number of books she had authored, research works done, conferences attended and other requirements. The governing council became very cold on how to announce a female academician an Associate Professor over her husband, who was also a senior lecturer but was not qualified for the position. Several meetings were held on how to handle the situation. It got so bad, the pro-chancellor was involved until the opinion of man’s best friend and bestman was sought for. He told them to invite the lecturer and open up to him. The vice chancellor presided over the meeting and asked the man “If you become the VC of this university and have to take a decision like this, what will you do? The lecturer told them that he would give the honour to who deserves it. VC now threw light on the situation and the man simply told them: “My wife is more intelligent, but I am her husband. Make her an associate professor if she is more qualified.” The VC shook his hand, and they popped champagne as men, but it took a lot to have gotten this far considering the man’s ego since both were in the same university.
Killing your wife because of her money is not only when she stops breathing. Mind you, when you cut her dreams short, when you would not allow her to get to the peak of her career, when you remove her being, her happiness, her laughter out of jealousy, you are killing her slowly.
That woman you want to kill because of her own funds is someone’s child, daughter, sister, mother and relative. It most disheartening when you consider that the husband had no hand in training and raising her, but they just met and married and he expects all her resources to belong to him exclusively. It is ungodly. It the responsibility of a man to provide for his household, not the other way round.
On a final note, women, bridle your tongues if you are the ‘cash cow’. If you have chosen to marry a man knowing you are financially stronger, handle the situation with maturity while you encourage him to work hard. Do not rubbish and de-market your husband, don’t embarrass, insult and relegate him to the status of a house boy because of money. Remember, no condition is permanent in life. Change is the only constant thing.