Jane has a thriving business while her husband is a civil servant but Jane never lifts her finger to help with the family upkeep. She knows how hard her husband struggles to pay school fees but she ignores him. She knows he borrows to pay the rent and she does nothing about it. Jane’s husband knows his wife has money but whenever he asks her, she refuses and because of this he has stopped asking her.
Ijeoma on other hand works in an oil company but lately her husband’s business has not been doing so well. Many times he asked his wife for some money to put back into his business but she has refused to oblige him.
Few months back, Kelvin, Ijeoma’s husband needed N200, 000 for their children’s school fees but Ijeoma told him that she didn’t have it. Her husband even begged her to pay half, that he would go and borrow to pay the rest, but she remained adamant.
However, two days later, Ijeoma came home with a fabric, which cost over N100, 000, a pair of shoes and bag that cost N150, 000. Kelvin broke down in tears because he knew the role he played when he was financially buoyant.
These are real life stories and similar scenarios are happening in some homes, because some Nigerian women have a warped mentality. Many Nigerian women believe that their money is theirs but their husband’s money is for the family. They believe that no matter how poor their husband is, he must fend for them and when he doesn’t, they begin to throw tantrums.
Some women even have more money than their spouses but they will still take from the little their men are making. They are greedy and wicked. A woman who would rather spend her money on personal luxuries at the detriment of her home is a bad woman. A woman who prefers to keep her money when she knows her husband is struggling to make ends meet is evil.
How do you look someone you love in the eyes and treat him shabbily? How do you see the father of your children going around to beg while you have millions in your account?
Besides, some women only respect their husbands when there is money and when there is no money, they disrespect them. To some, aso ebi is a do or die affair; even when their husbands can’t afford it, they will fight him and deprive him of many things. Madam, the pile of aso ebi in your wardrobe, what have you done with them? You already have all the colours, so what do you need a new one for? Must you buy every aso ebi presented to you? Your children will be resuming soon, their school fees is the least of your problem. If you don’t buy that aso ebi this time you will die abi?
Interestingly, these women believe that their husbands are cash cows, so, he must vomit all the money they need and no matter how frivolous they are, their husbands must satiate their needs.
For many of these women, marriage is a meal ticket.
Let me share another story before I go further. A man whose marriage is barely 2 years old complained bitterly about what he has been going through in his home. His wife doesn’t have a job and he has been the one responsible for his wife’s siblings and old mother in the village. Three of her siblings are staying with them at present and the man is overwhelmed with bills. He confided in a friend that sometimes he feels like running away but because of his daughter and his love for his wife he can’t do that. Several times, he complained to his wife but she doesn’t understand because she believes that since he married her then he should be able to take care of all her needs.
Listen to me clearly! Getting married doesn’t automatically mean that your husband will cure you and your ancestors of poverty. Only hard work can bring you out of your misery. Be sympathetic towards the man you love, even if he made promises to you in the past, please forgive him and don’t kill him. You are now living with him and you know his realities, so adjust.
Don’t over stretch your husband because you want to give your family members an impression. Your husband is not an ATM machine neither does he have a shrine that vomits money in his wardrobe. Be realistic, his getting married to you doesn’t make him a burden bearer. Don’t kill him with your selfish needs!
Remember, he also has his personal needs and for crying out loud he also has his own family.
Speak to your family that he is not the messiah that has come to cleanse your family of poverty. Don’t let him shed his blood on the altar of marriage to satisfy you. Talk to your people, that you need to plan your future too. Stop being a leech! If you say he is not complaining, men are not wired to talk too much; at least he has mentioned it a few times. Read his body language. Remember how tough it was before he brought the last cash you sent to the village. Stop killing him gradually! Don’t wait until he dies before you do something.
Moreover, you should also get a job! Get your hands soiled. Don’t wait for every kobo to come from him! You are an adult, so you have to be responsible for your upkeep. It’s very embarrassing to wait till your husband arrives before you go buy a matchbox. Kilode! Madam work and build your home with your husband.
However, for you women, who are working, stop being selfish and keep some money aside for the family. Even if he is not saying anything, try and do something once in a while. I understand some men have ego problems but you as his wife should know when things are not going fine. Don’t pretend all is well and stop going on shopping sprees when you know your husband has no clue of how he is going to pay next term’s school fees. If you spend all your money on your personal luxuries alone, it’s witchcraft! It’s not only those scary witches that we see on Africa magic that are witches, we also have witches who walk on heels and drive posh cars. If you are an inconsiderate wife, I think you need to go through several sessions of deliverance.
Lastly, to every married man trying to make ends meet to keep their family happy, I salute you. But you should speak out and be firm when things are getting overwhelming. I am not saying you shouldn’t help your wife or her relatives, please you should, but you should also know when to draw the line. Let your wife know where the shoe hurts and stop killing yourself slowly. If you die today, because of high blood pressure, she will marry another man.
Re: Prodigal husband: Never take him back when he returns old, broke
Your Prodigal husband outing is superbly crafted and beautifully rendered. God bless. —080355…818
Good day, I am a man but I love your piece. The reason is that you are realistic and upfront. Never give in to becoming “jollof rice”. Keep telling the story the way it is.
—Og
Please stop advocating divorce; you are working against God. In as much as what you said about men are true and commendable, you are fighting by calling for divorce instead of separation and remaining unmarried. –Rev Ifeanyi
My God will bless you. I am a victim but thank God I have moved on.
—08156….017
Even though he returns younger, fresher and wealthy never take him back. The monster that has chased him away in the first palace is still around. If I were a woman that will be my decision.
—Afolabi Eludini Ajah, Lagos.
Bola, what a feminist you are! I think you are hard on men. Why shirk away from the popular one that would have given us the title “Prodigal wife”. Never take her back when she returns old and ugly”. I am a crusader of repentance and forgiveness especially for first time offenders. Forgive whenever you can and thou shall be forgiven. –Socrates, Awka
Bola, most men who abandoned their homes and their wives still live in the same houses to bring up their children. I think they must have done so because their wives took advantage of their financial incapacity. A man who paid a landlord would not abandon the apartment but get his erring wife out of the place. However, under whatever condition, it’s absolutely irresponsible of any man to abandon his children along with his wife. All the same, a truly responsible husband would not come back to his abandoned wife begging for reconciliation. Such acts prove his culpability for the reason behind his senseless abandonment. His plea of settlement should be rejected by his wife, who had labored to train their children and from whom the husband might be reaping from the seeds he did not sow. But on spiritual grounds, she could forgive him for heaven sake.
–Lai Ashadele