The Sun News

Woman, is your relationship heading nowhere?

This is a new year and no woman should be caught wasting her youth with a man who doesn’t see her in his future. You shouldn’t be forcing yourself on a man who just wants to play around with your emotions.

Young lady, you are better off without a man who doesn’t want you in his future but won’t stop playing Ping-Pong with your heart and feelings for him. He is not sure you are his future wife yet he wants all the perks that a husband gets.

It is better to be alone than be in a relationship that is heading nowhere. If you continue in such a relationship, you are setting yourself up for more heartbreaks and tears. You must have some dignity and leave.

You have been together now for a while. Long enough to know his favourite food and how he wants it, what kind of deodorant he uses and his favourite football team. You also support him whenever his team is playing even though you hate football.

Despite the amazing chemistry between you and the regular declarations of love made, you are not quite sure of your future together. Is he willing to take the next step seeing that you are ready to get married and have given him hints about this so many times?

Maybe he doesn’t want to marry you and he just wants to string you along for as long as he can. Maybe you are just a fling to him and nothing more. Maybe he just likes having you around to come cook, clean and wash his clothes but you are not good enough to be his wife. Maybe he just loves having sex with you and pants afterwards like a man who escaped from a lion.

If you are not sure about that relationship you are in now, it’s not too late to walk away. Many men love to deceive women with marriage talks when they truly know that they won’t marry such women. They just want free sex, good cooked food and clean house.

One of the signs that you are in a relationship that doesn’t have a future is when he claims he has problems committing to you. It’s like him telling you that you are the sweetest person on earth but he can’t marry you because he is not ready.

Yet, he is always ready for sex as well as calling you to come and cook and clean for him. Young lady, use your brain and stop being a fool. Stop wasting your years slaving for a man who won’t do right by you.

You can’t force a man to commit to you if he doesn’t want to marry you. Where there’s no will, there are just loads of excuses. He is not sure about you or whether he wants a future with you but he refuses to stay away from you.

There’s no such thing as commitment issues especially if he doesn’t have problems enjoying the perks of being in a committed relationship. It may be that he doesn’t love you enough to make you his wife.

Your relationship is heading nowhere when you bring up the future of your relationship, and you both get into an argument.

He gets defensive and comes up with lots of excuses about why you are not getting engaged or getting married. If you can’t get a clear answer about the future of your relationship, just know that all these excuses point to nowhere.

If his family doesn’t want him to marry you, there’s a very good chance it’s not going to happen unless you are willing to navigate a hostile environment on a regular basis. You can’t be fighting all the time with his meddlesome family. Life is stressful as it is to add such hostility to the mix.

If you are extremely supportive of your boyfriend’s professional endeavours but when you are having an issue at work, it’s minimized, then the future of that relationship is bleak. If he doesn’t listen to you nor care about what happens to you, how will he do that after you get married? 

If he keeps talking about long-term plans that do not involve you, he doesn’t see himself with you in his future. When you try to include yourself in the plans and he doesn’t exactly give you a warm welcome, know that it’s time to leave. He has no plans to make you his wife. You should stop being confused because he knows the game he’s playing well. You don’t have to get burnt to know that you are not part of his future.

I laugh when ladies give guys ultimatums to marry them. How desperate can you be? Is it by force to marry you? Can’t you see the handwriting on the wall and take off on time? This is how many ladies go into loveless marriages and start disturbing our ears with their sob stories.

If you opt for the dramatics of issuing ultimatums to your guy, throw something, cry, whine, threaten and whine some more, if he doesn’t want to marry you, you are wasting your time. Learn to know where you stand in his life on time before you end up angry, bitter and frustrated over a man who doesn’t want to be with you.

If there are red flags waving at you and you refuse to take note of them, you are on a long thing. If he is interested in somebody else and has made plans to be with this person in the future, what are you still doing in his life? Are you waiting for them to invite you to their wedding to know your time is up?

If you are great in bed together; you can go to the movies and have fun, but you actually don’t have much in common, conversations get boring pretty easily and you simply don’t find much that you can agree on, your relationship has no future.

The sex will get boring after a while and if your relationship is not based on strong foundations it will fall apart. Many people marry on the basis of lust and infatuation but the relationship goes nowhere. If you both have nothing in common, your relationship has no future. Stop deceiving yourself.

If he is already cheating on you then prepare yourself for a long and rocky road. Marriage will not change him. This is an unrealistic expectation that can lead to a toxic future. If he’s cheating and you don’t like it, just know that he won’t stop even if you both get married. This is a big red flag you don’t want to disregard.

Young lady, if you are lost as to where exactly your relationship is going after dating that bobo for years, decide what you want now and stop wasting your time. Don’t be stuck with a man in a relationship heading nowhere.


Re: New Year resolutions couples should make

Kate, even when you try to balance your column, you still can’t because you hate men. You are just an attention seeking, angry girl. I don’t know who hurt you so bad that you can’t see any good in men even if you try to. You should stop poisoning good women with your lethal messages. You don’t deserve to have a column in a prestigious newspaper as Saturday Sun. You are just a pest.  -Obinna, Owerri

Kate, your advice for couples in last week’s column is fantastic. I sincerely hope that these men who insult you will see that you desire that men and women have good relationships. Thank you for all that you do.  -Kingsley, Abuja

My dear Kate, I have always known that behind that tough exterior is a warm person. You are blunt, direct and witty that many people misunderstand your writings. Well done girl. I will take your advice to heart. Hopefully, my wife and I will invite you for our 20th marriage anniversary soon. -Mr. Kehinde, Lagos

My sister, you are funny. I just discovered your column and I must confess that you were created on a special day. I have now fallen in love with your column and any Saturday I don’t read you, my village people will hear the two of us. You are quite intelligent and highly regarded by your fans. Keep the fire burning, and may your pen never run dry. -Odoh James, Enugu

Kate, I don’t think you know anything about marriage. Go and get married first and go through the hazards of being married before writing the trash you write every Saturday. I don’t know why you are still allowed to write about marriage when you are an angry old maid. Stop writing about an institution you haven’t gone through. Anyway, I don’t think you will get married with the way you write. No man wants an angry old maid for a wife. Kate, go and get married. -Cyril Obi, Onitsha

Thank you for writing about issues that affect women in relationships. I always look forward to reading from you. I wish more women will be bold as you so that Nigerian men will stop taking us for granted. -Sylvia, Lagos

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Online Editor: Aderonke Bello
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