Sometimes, I don’t know what some men really want in relationships. You will see a man who has a good woman in his life, one who loves him, supports him and is faithful to him, yet he leaves her to go marry a devil.
I have seen this happen over and over again that I am tempted to say that some men don’t know what they want. They are confused about this thing called relationship. Or, perhaps, they get swallowed up by their greed because they want to have everything!
When it comes to relationships, you can’t have it all. You should be in a relationship with someone with whom you are comfortable. You shouldn’t lose that because of mundane things. Some men know exactly the type of girl they are supposed to be with. They know exactly the type of woman they should end up with in order to have a happy and healthy relationship. They know the kind of woman they should marry and raise a family with, but they suddenly go in the opposite direction. Why?
They will leave that woman who is ready to move heaven and earth for them. They will play with her but choose the one wrapped in adventure. But when trouble starts later, they will start crying that all women are bad.
I would advise men to stop thinking with their penis but think with a good head instead when it comes to relationship and marriage. Don’t go for a bad woman because you think sex with her will always be good. There are other qualities you should look out for in a woman.
I had a neighbour some years ago who left a beautiful, hardworking, respectful and calm lady he was dating because his father told him that Lagos girls are bad and corrupt, to settle for a village champion instead.
The ironic thing was that his wife was a stark opposite of his former girlfriend. She was ugly, ill-mannered, disrespectful, fought all the time and was lazy. She ran down his business in three years.
She fought with almost everybody in our compound then. People avoided her like a plague. It affected her husband’s relationship with others as well as his business. If they fought, she would start breaking plates and cups.
She would also throw things at him; verbally insult him and his family members to the hearing of their neighbours. She didn’t mind disrespecting him all the time. The marriage wore the once nice guy down. But it was too late. He couldn’t undo his mistake. He blamed his father for choosing the devil as he called her for him.
When I asked a friend why good men marry bad women, he said that because men are risk-takers; they believe that they are up to the task. Even though it is glaring that a woman is bad for them, they would still go ahead and date or marry such women because they feel they can handle it.
Some men end up with bad women because they think that good girls are boring in bed. I have heard men say this. They tell you that good girls are just there but the bad girls bring out the best in them.
These men claim that bad girls drive them wild in bed, so they marry them. They forget that marriage requires many qualities. Their eyes open after marriage. They then understand that there’s more to marriage than great sex and wild orgasms.
Some men end up marrying bad women because unlike women they have a difficult time figuring out what they truly want. These men will tell you that they want a beautiful, hardworking woman who should be a wife, a mother, a whore, a cook, a washerwoman, a secretary and adviser. They just want their women to be everything, which is impossible.
I knew a young man who had a good woman by his side for over four years. She was with him through thick and thin. They met in the university and she stuck to him like glue even though he offered her only himself and his lofty dreams.
She loved him, stood by him while he was still trying to find his feet. She refused to leave him even when her friend tried to match-make her with one big boy in town then. This girl was certain that her boyfriend would succeed and marry her. She refused to listen to anything contrary that people were telling her.
But years later, after the young man started making money, he broke up with this girl. He said she was too humble and quiet for his liking. He claimed he needed a feisty woman by his side who would sustain the success he had attained. The girl was shattered. She cried and begged him but he stood his ground.
Months later, he married the woman he wanted by his side and all hell broke loose. While in courtship, she pretended to be nice at first and won the hearts of his family members. They welcomed her and sang her praises to everyone who cared to listen.
But things changed after they got married. She became the opposite of everything he wanted from her. She would insult him, steal his money, buy things in his name, chase away his family members from their home and almost destroyed his business.
The young man regretted his action. He traded the good woman he had for someone who gave him high blood pressure. He had to lie on his bed the way he made it. So, I ask again, why do good men marry bad women? Is it because of confusion, greed or excitement? I need your answers.
Re: How to know you are dating an insecure man
Kate, it was actually the amount of abuses I saw on your previous write-ups that attracted me to read your last piece. In as much as I don’t subscribe to abuses, I must tell you that you are biased with your column. The worst thing is that you are writing about your personal life experiences with your ex. It takes a cheat to make a man insecure. A decent girl cannot make a man insecure. That you had an ugly experience does not mean every other girl will have an ugly experience with men too. Be objective in your write-ups. -Dan Nwinyinya
My daughter, may your ink never dry. Don’t be intimidated by insecure men. –Emmanuel Eze Asiegbu, Aba
Kate, you are a devil. I have been reading all the devilish things you write to corrupt good women who are building good homes. You are a threat to a good marriage. Ladies shouldn’t listen to all the things you write. They won’t have a man to call their own. You are writing as if women should be looking for perfect men. What you call insecurity is being a man. A man must be in control of his woman otherwise she will misbehave.
–Peter Ugwu, Enugu
Kate, where have you been all my life? I have been blessed with your articles. You say the truth that many men don’t want to accept and that is why they call you all sorts of names. Don’t let their insults stop you from being a voice for voiceless women. I am your number one fan. –Nkechi, Abuja
Kate, why do you hate men so much? Why don’t you write about the bad things women do to men too? I am not sure you are married. You look like a bitter old maid. Finding a husband is not easy these days and you are telling women to start choosing from the few men who say hello to them. Where are the husbands they will choose from? Will you marry them? They should manage any man they see so that they won’t end up bitter and single like you. –John Ibeh, Lagos
I appreciate you for all the efforts you make in bringing the plight of many women in relationships to fore. You may not be saying what majority want to hear, but you are changing lives. I want my daughter to be as bold and fierce as you. You will make a good mentor for her. Well done, Queen of the pen.
–Mr. Izuchukwu Onuora, Onitsha
Jobless whore, all you need is deliverance. Who needs security if not men because women are not to be trusted. –Sunny, Lagos
Kate, it is now clear that you are a man hater. You don’t see anything good in what men do because your heart has been broken so many times by men. Who told you to keep dating bad men that you now think all men are bad? You better change the way you write before something happens to you. –Gbenga, Lagos
I don’t know why people are angry with the things you write. You have a way of exposing the bad things that many men do. I guess that is why they always insult you and call you names. Don’t listen to them. Keep liberating women from the grips of bad men. You have my support. –Christie Nnedi, Asaba