Who dis-virgined you? This was the question I asked on a Social Media platform, and the responses I got were out of this world. It was troubling to say the least.

From the responses, I found out that most men were molested by older ladies who were either their aunties, nannies, older sister’s girl friends, neighbours, teachers or their mom’s best friends. While the girls lost their innocence to uncles, cousins, house boys, drivers, school teachers or even their own fathers.

While most men laughed it off describing their experiences, others still feel deeply hurt till date. They recounted how they were molested to the point that they became timid and withdrawn. But the women didn’t find it funny recounting their experiences, especially those that were molested by close family members. 

Some had their innocence taken from them at a very tender age of 3. They were repeatedly abused even under their parents noses and these went on for years in some cases. Due to the early exposure to sex, many of them became sex addicts while some shut down completely towards sex, to them sex is like torture. Others may engage their spouse or partner in a tussle or struggle till they are beaten and subdued before sex can happen, that’s what years of sexual abuse taught them.

Sexual molestation of little kids by adults has taken a rather dangerous turn. Babies get molested by adults on a daily basis. Sadly, majority of children who are victims don’t tell their parents or guardian, so it’s up to us to spot the warning signs.

If your child starts to avoid someone they naturally love to be around before, do not force your child on such a person. Your child may be passing a message or playing safe. 

Be observant when your child is singled out as ‘special’. It’s always flattering when someone recognizes all the wonderful qualities your child possesses and seems to favour them over other kids. This can be a major warning sign too.

Sex education is a big deal. It is not about abstaining from penetrating sex, but it empowers your child to say no and to report inappropriate behavior or touches tell their parents or guardian. Predators prey on innocence or lack of knowledge. 

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Stop living in denial, your child can be molested by anybody including their uncles, siblings, fathers, aunts, pastors, Imams etc. Child sexual predators are not just the unfriendly weird looking fellows around you. According to reports, more than 90% of children know their abusers.

Stop playing escapism of ‘God forbid! Not my child! And so on because if you refuse to teach your children sex education because you think it will expose them early, then you are doing them more harm than good.

Pedophilia is not about penetrating sex as much as it’s about abuse. Predators can use your kids for fore play by having them dance on their thighs. They can have your child hold their manhood for sexual pleasure and satisfaction. This is not only from the opposite sex but it can happen between same sex too.

In teaching your child sex education, you are not scaring them in order to keep them safe. As early as age 3, children should understand the parts of their body that are private and that it’s not okay for just anyone to touch them there. Show them where exactly nobody should touch them except it is Mom, Dad or care giver and it should be only when they are bathing or getting cleaned up.

Learn to listen to your children and encourage them not to keep secrets from you. Most abusers cultivate a strong bond with children before molesting them. The more emotionally distanced you are with your kids, the easier they prey on them. Most times, they threaten their victims with death if they tell their parents. 

Make sure your children get this assurance from you often, that they can tell you just about anything or anyone whose behavior makes them uncomfortable, no matter who that person is.

Be very clear with all your children that they must inform you of their time alone with anyone, secrets, problems, touches, favors, gifts someone gives them, photos, videos, and games etc even if that person they care about will be upset or embarrassed.

It is better to teach your kids sex education yourself. Do not relegate your responsibilities to any Imam, pastor, neighbour or teacher because some of them will use your child as specimen. You must keep communicating and empowering your children about their body parts. The most satisfying thing you can do with your life is to take care of your child.