Relationships begin and they end. Even though many people don’t like to admit that their relationships are over, they don’t know how damaging staying in dysfunctional relationships is to their well being.
When it comes to dysfunctional relationships, people usually hold on because they have deeply invested. They look at the investment they have made in terms of finances, dependence, emotions, or time, they feel trapped but they are also afraid of starting all over again.
In this part of the world where two people are expected to stick to each other in the name of marriage even though it is clear that they cannot stand each other, they are walking separate paths and are threatening to kill each other, leaving is hard.
They will tell them to continue patching things. You don’t patch relationships, you enjoy them. Let’s keep religion aside and be realistic in relationships. Two incompatible people cannot continue to hurt themselves because they want to keep a dead relationship.
Leaving a relationship is hard. It is emotionally and psychologically hard to let go of someone you have been with for years, but holding on to a person who is hurting you does more harm than good to your psyche. So what are some signs that it is time to leave your relationship?
It’s time to let the relationship go when trust is broken. Trust is the fuel that keeps the relationship going, without it, your relationship won’t move forward. If you are always wondering what your partner is doing, where they are going and if they are telling you the truth, then it’s time to let go.
If you and your partner have grown apart, it’s time to leave that relationship. This happens often. Over time, people just naturally begin to drift apart; interests change, goals change, and people begin to want to take a different path in life.
If you are starting to feel this way towards your relationship, you must tell your partner the truth. It is unfair to keep dragging yourself and your partner along just because you are afraid to hurt his or her feelings. Let them know you are no longer on the same page with them.
People’s feelings will always get hurt, but it is better to tell the truth than to continue fooling your partner with a lie. You must be real with yourself and end the relationship otherwise you will build resentment toward your partner because you can’t do the right thing.
Constant disrespect is another reason to leave your relationship. This can come in many forms, but in this case I am referring to someone mistreating their partner through constant verbal abuse, mind games and degradation.
If you are in a relationship where your partner puts you down, talks down at you, and makes a fool of you for the sake of laughter, then it’s time to reconsider your relationship. Don’t say he or she will change, you are deceiving yourself.
You can first issue an ultimatum and demand they instantly stop their disrespectful behavior toward you or you will leave. If they don’t stop, then stop disrespecting yourself too by staying with someone who treats you like trash. You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you well, and the only way to find them is to walk out the door.
It is dangerous to stay in a relationship with a physically abusive partner. No matter how much you feel you love your partner, and no matter how often he or she says they are sorry after being physically abusive, ongoing physical abuse is dangerous and has nothing to do with love. If your partner physically harms you, it’s time to leave.
If you are experiencing verbal abuse, such as frequent anger, rage, blame, criticism, judgments, threats and other abusive means of undermining and controlling, it may be time to leave. You shouldn’t be putting with such destructive behaviour because you want to be in a relationship.
If you have children and you discover that your partner is sexually, verbally and physically abusing them, or has abused them, it’s time to leave. If your partner is sexually molesting the children in your home or compound, then you need to take action to protect the children and leave.
All these women who cover up for their pedophile husbands should know that they are accomplices in their crimes. If your husband sexually molests or rapes your underage sister, niece or cousin, report him to the police and leave that marriage.
You can’t be building a home with a pedophile and sending away his victims from your home after blaming them for his irresponsibility. A sexual predator should be in jail and not in church doing deliverance.
As a mother, you should be advocate for your children and other people’s children, and you need to do all you can to create a safe environment for them. If you continue covering up his crimes, one day, he will rape your own children.
It’s time to leave a relationship if you keep living in the past. When you go back and think of the happy memories you two shared and how you no longer have those special moments, it means that the spark is slowly dying or that your partner has changed.
When the relationship is filled with empty promises and canceled plans and your partner is not making you a priority anymore, please leave. If you don’t have anything to look forward to anymore because you are not sure if it will actually happen, why are you still sticking around?
If you fight more than you talk, there’s no point being in that relationship. If your conversations are full of arguments and negativity, it means you both have pent-up frustration or resentment.
If you can’t communicate without fighting, it could mean that you two are not compatible anymore or you are going through different phases in your life that is not helping your relationship grow.
If you overextend yourself but you never feel appreciated, leave. If you are always making sacrifices, always the one compromising and being the bigger person but you are not getting the same in return, you need to leave that one-sided relationship immediately.
If you are holding on to the fair chance that they might change or might wake up one day and decide to put more effort into the relationship it may be time to leave. If you are not being treated the way you want to, the problem may not be time; it may be the person you are with.
If the relationship makes you feel lonely, then what’s the point? If you can’t share your life with the person you are with, then you are not in a real relationship. The best thing about having someone is that you get to truly live your lives together and grow together, but if everyone is doing their own thing and you don’t feel like you can lean on your partner, it could be a sign that the relationship is already broken.
Is your partner neglecting your needs? Did your partner stop being supportive or caring? Did they stop doing the little things that made the relationship special? If the passion is dead then the relationship will be very boring and unexciting. You don’t need to hang around anymore.
There is only so much you can do when it comes to pleasing someone. If you tried to fix your relationship time and time again and the same problems keep recurring, then this is the most definite sign that you need to let go of the relationship and find someone better suited for you and your needs.
If your relationship is actually hindering you from growing or holding you back from reaching your dreams and achieving your goals, let it go. If it is holding you back from the kind of love you always dreamed of having, then you have to learn how to put yourself first and put your needs above anyone else’s and say goodbye to the relationship once and for all.
Women, don’t give up your dreams and careers for any man or marriage. A man who truly loves you will support you to be the best you can be. If he feels threatened by your success and money, leave him. Such men are enemies of progress, they don’t want to see you progress so that you can depend on them for things.
Re: How jealousy kills your relationship
Your column is outstanding, educative and excellent. For publishing the responses of those who hate your nice column shows how professionally superb you are and shows that you know what you are doing. Continue educating men on how to handle their relationships better. 90% are with you. -O. J. Segun, Lagos
Kate people like you are very rare in a society like ours. You need our prayers that will help you dish out the undiluted truth that will set mankind free. Don’t expect everybody to clap for you. God will continue to be with you. -Pastor Gift, Onitsha
Kate, you wrote like a sensible person last week even you tried to still rope in your hatred for men like you always do. Talk to your fellow women, they are the ones who are destroying their relationships with jealousy. These women don’t know how to respect their men’s privacy. Teach them that and stop insulting men every week. -Ikenna, Aba
I am glad to read you every week. You don’t know how much you have helped my relationship with my wife for the past one year. My wife is surprised that I am better man. She wants to meet you. God bless you. –Gbenga Akintade, Lagos
You haven’t stopped deceiving good women with your one-sided articles. Don’t you get tired of attacking men every week? If you continue like this, I doubt you can build a good home. Any man who marries you is an unfortunate fellow. You are a bad woman. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. You are a man hater and you won’t be a good wife to any man. –Ekene, Awka