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What has age got to do with marriage?

When you are in love with someone, the person may be younger or even older than you. Your love is so intense and passionate that you feel your marriage can weather any storm that may arise because of age difference. 

It is true that a lot of marriages have survived with huge age difference, but that doesn’t mean many marriages have not crashed on the same account. Age is one of the factors that should be considered when choosing a life partner. 

Your mentality in the stages of life has a big role to play in your marital life. In your youth, you are impulsive, full of energy, bubbly, spontaneous and ready to explore life. You act on the spot and damn the consequences.

In your middle age, you become more skeptical about life, losing your youthful vibrancy and really coming to terms with mistakes you made at the early stages of your life. You begin to understand what you should actually look out for or have looked out for in a partner.

As time goes by, you become more mature. You are apprehensive about your health, financial security and less excited about a lot of things

In all these various stages of your life,  your attitude and choices towards life changes and this has a drastic impact on your marriage. 

Your choice of a spouse in your youth would likely not be the same in your middle and old age if given the opportunity all over again. As one grows older, a lot is considered when it comes to choices of a life partner.  Most times, people look back at their choices and shudder in disbelief like ‘what was I thinking!’

There is this argument that age is just the biological status of one’s body, that one feels young or old according to his/her mindset, because age is just a number. The truth is that bioligically your body reacts to your age in some way, as your body ages, your mindset begins to age as well. Your priorities changes. Marrying a person far younger or older than you may be a factor in sealing the fate of your marriage.

It is generally believed that women mature faster than men. Women often display a certain level of intelligence and readiness to take on the responsibilities that comes with marriage than men their age. This is not to say a man should be 15 or 20 years older than his woman. Her maturity or intelligence should always be within her age range, not someone that is by far older or almost twice her age.

Most men in our clime go for women they are older than by as much as 10 to 20 years age difference. Such men are mostly looking for control, they are egoistic and rigid. Some of them just want a woman to bear children, cook and look after the family. Although some of these men may be loving and caring, many are controlling, possessive and territorial

The woman’s liberty and freedom is crushed by her dominating and controlling husband, she feels trapped, barely knows who she really is or what she wants for herself because she doesn’t have a mind of her own. She has to seek his permission and approval before doing anything, from spending money to what she spends it on, but he never discusses how and what he spends his own money on.

He decides what she wears, hardly listens to her suggestions, doesn’t discuss his decisions with her, he just takes arbitrary decisions on even issues that concerns her without asking for her input or discussing with her. 

When an older man in his late 40’s, 50’s or 60’s marries a girl in her late teen or early 20’s, he may not be able to keep up with her sexual drive, neither will they have a decent conversation on things that interests him or her. This age difference also affects marriages between older women and younger men. 

Too much age difference can make a marriage stressful. When you marry someone that is way younger or far older than you are, you almost don’t have anything in common to talk about because your interests are not the same even though you may seem to get along at the beginning.

But along the line, your maturity and control starts to clash with their youthful mindset. Your compatibility will  change because they are beginning to see the world in a whole different light. They become resentful and sometimes disrespectful.

A man in his early 30’s should be looking at ladies from age 25 upwards and maybe 2 years younger than himself, while men in their late 20’s settle for women in their late teens and early 20’s. Men in their late 30’s, early or late 40’s should settle with women in their early 30’s and late 30’s respectively. Those in their 50’s and 60’s stick to those they wish to grow old with. The partner that will sit with them under the tree to talk about everything under the sun. They age together and value each other’s company.

This does not in any way mean that the success of any marriage depends solely on the couples age. In marriage, there is no ‘one age fits all.’ What rocks couple A’s boat, may sink couple B’s ship.

Having a wonderful marriage is not only age dependent as compatibility, understanding, tolerance and determination are other vital ingredients. But it is less stressful to marry within your age range because your spouse is also going through same phase as you, so you both go through it together.

Before going into marriage, you must have a motive. You should ask yourselfwhy you are getting married. Is it because you are in love and would like to spend the rest of your life with him/her? Are you are doing it for the material gain or just aiming at controlling the other person’s life? If the motive is wrong, the marriage will likely not survive. 

Maturity doesn’t come with age, but a lot of things comes with age. Men, look for who you can grow old with, not who you can control. Many men in the guise of looking for women to control, end up marrying younger girls who after a few years in marriage become uncontrollable. 

Without compatibility, tolerance, understanding and determination, no marriage will succeed.


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June 2018
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