– The Sun News

‘Till death do us part’ is not when your partner kills you

At church weddings vows usually goes thus ‘I, … take you … to be my lawful wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part’

There is no specific part of the bible where ‘for better or for worse’ was mentioned. The Bible said in the book of Matt 19 : 4-6 “Haven’t you read” he replied “that the creator ‘made them male and female’ and said for this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let no one separate”.

The Bible supports divorce on grounds of infidelity and sexual immorality according to Matt 19:9, Luke 16 : 18, Matt 5 :31, 1Cor 7 :10 – 11 etc. With the condition you remain single once you are divorced. But is infidelity the only sin in marriage?
Domestic violence has suddenly become everyday news with different headlines but the same story line. There are stories of men and women pummeling and hacking each other to death. Does living in fear of getting killed by your partner or you killing your partner represent ‘till death do us part?’

It is unfortunate that most domestic violence victims prefer to pretend. They paint a false picture of the real situation in their marriage because they are afraid of what people will say or claim the bible is against divorce.
Truth be told, Marriage is not a bed of roses neither is it a thorn of roses. It has it challenges and every couple have their own issues as well but death at the hands of one’s partner shouldn’t be part of the package.
Couples must learn to enjoy marriage when it tastes sweet and also endure when it is sour. But any challenge that is life threatening must never be enjoyed or endured. Don’t pad anything. Walk away before you are used as an example of what domestic violence looks like.

Once your spouse starts being violent under any guise, don’t take it for granted, and don’t keep quiet either, speak out before it becomes tragic. Don’t wait to die.
If you don’t believe in divorce because your family, society or pastor advised you to stay and pray, then go on marriage sabbatical at the slightest brutality. Stay apart and at a safe distance while praying. Walking away at that moment is not an act of cowardice, survival is the first order in heaven.

We have pure psychiatric patients unleashing violence in the name of marriage yet people and churches will encourage you stay put and continue to pray. I’m sure even God will be disappointed with you for not using the brain he gave you.
If you cannot afford to feed yourself or your children, walk out first and scream it loud while walking. Do not let the culture of dependency ruin your existence. Staying in a violent marriage because of your children is doing them more harm and they will become dysfunctional adults tomorrow.

If they watched their parents do it, they will exhibit the same. Abuse now becomes a vicious circle and until we have a rethink, and make deliberate effort at changing, we will continue to hand over a disastrous culture of violence to our descendants.

If you lose your life or kill your partner while staying put, your children will end up orphans with no father or mother. It’s either you are dead or imprisoned for murder and your children will be left at the mercy of relatives and friends.
People don’t realize how fragile life is until they waste their own life or someone else’s in their foolishness. And by then, it is too late.

When your partner becomes violent, run for your life, don’t stay to fight back, just run! We must all raise our voices against domestic violence, families and churches must not insist couples stay and patch things up when their safety is not guaranteed.

Till death do us part, is not this type of death. If you constantly have the need to pummel your partner, or you are almost at the verge of poisoning their food, ripping the brakes off their car, or hiring assassins to kill them etc then ask for a break from that marriage, and go seek help.
You can see a psychiatrist or a counselor, but you really need help. If not, you are just an inch closer to committing murder and ending up in jail.

You also need help if you are one of those women who believe violence is a show of true love. In fact, if he is not a Mike Tyson who physically demonstrates his strength on you, you should consider him a weakling. You love to be manhandled, conquered and cuddled but this is not love.

As a man, don’t let yourself be that Mike Tyson. Some behaviors can be unlearned. Help her see and experience love differently. For anyone to be continuously abusive, he has a willing partner. Refuse to be an abusive partner and choose your life.

Marriage is not the problem the individuals involved in marriages are. People should learn to take their lives seriously before thinking about keeping a violent marriage.


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August 2018
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