Yea, you heard me clearly. Sex is no big deal. People have sex every day. We pretend that sex only happens in marriages. Teenagers have sex, young adults have sex, married men have sex with their mistresses and married women too have sex with people who are not their husbands. Sex has been demystified.

I am shocked at the huge controversy trailing this season’s Big Brother because some people have been getting intimate with each other on the live television show. There have been many complaints about nudity, explicit scenes and crude conversation. Permit me to say that Big Brother Naija has not been as raunchy compared to what happens in other parts of the world but then, I understand that what is happening now on our screens is more like a cultural shock to the older generation.

However, to many young people it is not. Gone are the days when we were taught that discussions about sex were taboo. You dared not share with anyone what you did in between the sheets with your spouse. It was deemed disrespectful to discuss experiences with someone, how much more having sex on television. Fast forward to our realities today, everyone is having sex; many people talk about their sexual exploits like they have won laurels. Even women are beginning to discuss freely about having sexual orgasms and favourite sex positions. To be honest with you all, sex isn’t sacred anymore. That is why I was not surprised this is happening in the house. Big Brother Naija is a mirror of what is happening among us all. Every one of us has a typical character that is being portrayed in BBN so we should keep quiet and just enjoy the show.  This is who we are!  We should shed that covering and please be realistic about our ways of lives. Nina and Miracle were up for eviction two weeks ago but they were not evicted because Nigerians wanted more steamy scenes. These same people will then go on social media and talk from the two sides of their mouths. If truly, Nigerians were angry with the sex in the house, Nina and Miracle should be out by now but instead they threw away Princess and Dee-One. Dee one was one of my favourite house mates and I  love him for his good sense of humour but pretentious Nigerians preferred sex more than jokes. Did I hear you say; Abegi! Who jokes eep?

Pretentious Nigerians want to feel mushy, masturbate with the steamy scenes, get entertained and criticize people who are giving them what they want. Enough of that my Niaja people! Biko pick a struggle. If you don’t want to watch don’t subscribe to it! Big Brother Naija (Double wahala) is rated 18, strictly for adults. So what’s the problem?

Let me give you a small background gist about the sex exploits in the house. It all started with Nina and Miracle.  This “couple” hit it off soon as the cameras started rolling. I think they had their first kiss the second day and I thought it was all scripted until I found out the duo couldn’t get their hands off each other. They were making out at every given opportunity and eventually they had sex.  As a staunch BBN fan I know these things happen in real life so I was unperturbed. People meet for the first time and the next day they are having sex.  Some people even have sex few hours after they just met, it happens and so we should stop pretending like it doesn’t.  We are in the era of booty calls.  We are in the worst of times!  Whether you like it or not our sexual culture is all messed up! There are men and women who wouldn’t waste time on dates, romance and getting to know who they are having sex with. We have many sex buddies that are not technically boyfriends or girlfriends. What is it about watching Nina and Miracle getting down on television? Often times, I long for the good old days when love was all about writing poems, holding hands, having honest conversations, cuddling and few stolen kisses?  But I am helpless because our sexual escapades are spinning out of control. It is so sad that many millennial kids are missing out of the traditional dating.  It is quite unfortunate that some people feel this is some sort of sexual liberation or being sexually confident. But I am afraid for many women and quite sympathetic towards them because in this era of booty calls, friends with benefits and sex with no strings attached, women are going to be the worst hit. They are going to learn in the hard way because they are not wired to have sex and get over it. I doubt, if it is possible to keep casual sex casual without being emotionally entangled. However, I stand to be corrected on this.

Let me get back on track. The latest sex controversy is about Bam Bam and Teddy A. Many Nigerians have been arguing back and forth whether they really had sex or not.  I really wouldn’t want to judge these people because I enjoyed watching Bam Bam and Teddy A; sweet romance blossoms on television. They share chemistry, they are like a perfect match made from heaven and I think many BBN fans love this ‘couple’ as much as I do too. Although, I prayed fervently that sex shouldn’t happen soon but the way they were going on Sunday night, I knew that sex was going to happen sooner than expected. The horny pair was snuggling enthusiastically that night and finally sex happened in the toilet.

Unfortunately, BBN house is not the real life and Nigerians are going to come on hard on these people who have had sex in the house, but please let us calm down and take it easy. They are humans. They are flesh and blood. And there is no way when men and women are locked up in a house that emotions won’t start surging. It is only normal.

Although, I am for abstinence and staying faithful to ones’ partner, what happens when this is no longer working?  Doesn’t it seem like we are paying lip service to this issue? We can’t be running in circles and pretending all is well. Many young Nigerians are not abstaining, married couples are cheating. So, I think for a healthier sex life, our emphasis should be more on safe sex, and the message is crystal clear. If you must have sex get a protection!

Re: Women shouldn’t lose their identity

Bola, your position on women keeping their identity in marriage is right. It should be enough for a man once officially his wife is addressed Mrs whoever her husband is. Her identity cannot be blotted because it is a natural creation of God; even if the husband so desires. In Africa, before the advent of colonialism, which brought Western world’s marital practices, no woman in marriage was forced to drop her identity. Even in Western Nigeria, no woman to date, wipes off her traditional marks, her identity, to please her husband. Even if a woman complied at marriage, what would happen at divorce level; which is common now? The idea sounds odd and looks slave-driving in essence. Marriage, in my view, is a mutual agreement between a man and a woman and so, there must be mutual respect across board. Mode of operation in marriage should be even between spouses and not skewed in favour of any.

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–Lai Ashadele.

Bola, I think the ideal thing is that both the man and the woman should shed off parts of their identities to form a new one. The Bible says, “the man will leave his father and mother; likewise is the woman, and they will become one flesh in a matrimony. They are deemed as forming new identity as distinct from their individual identities with each shedding parts of their old identities so as to fit in into the new identity being formed.

–Socrates, Awka.

We are on the same page Bola. 22 years of my marriage I only know one person intimately. My father’s place is my place, people know me very well there and I can easily tell who is who from my birth community. I love my birth place, abeg. Most times I introduce myself as from so by birth and not by marriage. –Lady Judith

Sister Bolatito. Please take it easy with your women liberation so that you don’t mislead wives. This issue needs to be handled with great care and wisdom. Do you know that this women’s identity in marriage is the main cause of so many separations and divorces? Women should know what their roles are the moment they signed the dotted lines. Also what did the Bible say in Colossians, Thessalonians and Ephesians about wives? Can God be wrong? No. Wisdom is for knowledge, application and profiting.

—Pastor G.T.Olowolagba, Lagos.

I am with you 100% that women shouldn’t lose their identities in marriage. In fact its slavery if a woman loses her identity because of marriage. I need to know what’s in marriage: if its important or not important that a particular partner loses identity, then its totally wrong to apply the equation that sums up: the two become one body- means that when it come to losing identity both parties lose identity: the equation applies, because they are one body. Bolatito your analysis is sound. Keep it up. –Surv. J I. Nwafor.

I like your write up and the major culprits of this identity theft are the northerners and core Muslims. Even in the act you still find such archaic thinking there. Generally, men who are very jealous and possessive are also guilty of this problem. So any good woman who is unmarried should avoid these kind of men.

–Edosomwan Benjamin, Delta State.