– The Sun News

The right way to relate with your ex

A few days ago, a young man took to his social media handle to narrate how he mistreated his ex-girlfriend who stood by him even while he misbehaved.

Even though their relationship ended in 2013 when he dumped her, he chose to give her a Mercedes Benz to thank her for her love and loyalty while their relationship lasted.

A lot of men have discouraged the lady in question from collecting the car gift from her ex. According to them, it’s a red flag and a deal breaker if she were their woman or wife.

There is this notion most of us have about life after a relationship didn’t work out. People come up with theories and even practical reasons exes should be demonized and left in the garbage yard of history. I agree to some extent but not totally.

People have had their medical bills or those of their children running into millions paid to the last kobo by their exes. These exes reached out to their former love interest for a favor especially when the ex is in the position to help. Over the years, some exes have become one another’s support base.

Of a truth, if my ex is in need and I have the means to help him out, I will do that without reservations. I will help with no ulterior motive, so also I expect my husband to help his exes if such need arises. But we must all know where to draw the line.

In life, there are destiny helpers we demonize in the name of ex. Some of our exes or spouses ex are our gateway to fulfilling our glorious destinies, but pride, ego, insecurity and baseless fear make us avoid them. We would rather die than present our cases to them first, and giving them the benefit of doubt.

If you must ask your ex for any favor, please go with a clear conscience. If he or she says anything stupid, ignore them, walk away and never look back, but if he/she is willing to help, accept their help, but define your friendship and don’t disrespect your present partner or spouse.

Life is easy but it is people who make living it difficult sometimes. If you cannot help your ex without asking for something in return, then something is wrong with you.

If you cannot go to an ex for a favor without offering your body in kind for whatever they may give to you, then you are sick upstairs. Many people say it’s different when one is married and answerable to their spouse.

If you are comfortable and your ex is struggling to survive even in marriage, it won’t be a bad idea to reach out to them. If possible, visit them as a family or invite them over to your place and hand them whatever gift you can afford be it a car, house or cash. Keep your conversations civil whenever you speak with them.

Testimonies abound of exes who became good friends and more like family. These exes are one another’s backbone with no strings attached. Stop making life too difficult. That someone is your ex doesn’t make them your enemy. It was never meant to be.

If an ex gifts your spouse with something really expensive, many years after it was over, don’t feel threatened. If possible, reach out to your spouse’s ex and thank them. It’s not out of place to advice your partner to be careful though and also be vigilant yourself to avoid a Greek gift scenario.

You have to know that those exes who will help you will do so with no ulterior motive, but those who don’t want to help you sincerely will always want something in exchange. It’s left for you to know when they are overstepping and put them in their place.

Be nice to whoever you date, it’s the right thing to do and no one knows tomorrow. If your partner or spouse is not cool with the house, car, diamond etc your ex gifted you, then sell it and use your cash wisely.

Don’t go seeking favor from exes who are still high on you, avoid them as well if you still have strong feelings for them. If such ex gives you gifts, kindly reject their gifts because it usually doesn’t end well.


Re: Boundaries you shouldn’t cross as a cheat

This time, you spoke well. I read your article and it made sense.

  • From 07015006 . . .

Following your write up, wouldn’t that attract God’s judgment on you that someone is cheating on account of your advice to cheat responsibly? I pray for God’s grace upon us.

  • 08141258***

Amaka, your advice on ‘boundaries you shouldn’t cross as a cheat’ is very timely and pointedly clear to all sane men and women to understand, repent, correct their past and guide against the future shame and pains of uncontrolled libido.

  • From Pst. Stephen, Abuja

God bless you for your wonderful write ups. I am addicted to Saturday Sun because of your weekly diary. Let everyone fear God and live responsively. Cheating has serious consequences and must therefore be avoided. May God increase your strength and wisdom to educate Nigerians more on family issues.

  • From Mark Oodo, Niger State

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Tokunbo David
Tokunbo David

Writer and editor.

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