Last Thursday, slightly under 24 hours since losing a Champions League away match to Sevilla, one of the most talismanic coaches in world football, Claudio Ranieri of Italy, was fired by his English Club Thai owners. As it happened less than nine months back when he led then-underdogs, Leicester City Football Club, on a fairytale campaign that culminated in them coming from nowhere to win the English Premier League, tongues in the footballing or indeed sporting world have been wagging. Everyone is wondering how and why you would punish a man who set a standard for you that you never dreamt of, just because he himself could not meet that same standard in quick succession.
However, just as it happened last August when the team via what seemed to be sheer magic concocted a new word, leicestericity, for the English Language, we have now received yet another, ranierilisation. While the former refers to defying all odds to perform a feat that surpasses all expectations and in the process leaving opponents and the undecided stunned into talking rubbish, the latter is the act of punishing someone who cannot immediately repeat a shock performance. We may go on to talk about leicesterise and ranierilise as verbs; leicesterous and ranierious as adjectives, but this is more serious than just grammar.
Characteristically, our world known for its hypocrisy has been pouting at Leicester City. Yet, 25 hours daily, this same world ranierilises its heroes, its icons, its legends. No one is innocent. We are guilty, individually and corporately. Our community is guilty; ditto our local government area, our state, our country. We sacrifice our excellence and replace them with our mediocrities. We never remember one’s 90% superior performance (by the way, I love how that sounds) but we never forget the 10% failings of such a one. We judge others by yardsticks we ourselves cannot pass. We are a foolish, un-empathetic and hypocritical world. Like Leicester City, like us.
So, what would Jesus Christ have done if He owned the English side? Of course, Ranieri’s Old Testament brilliance would have ensured that he remained in charge even if the team went down in the new. That is the place our world needs to get to. We cannot win every time. It’s unsportsmanlike to sack a champion just because he could not immediately repeat his feat. It is an unsportsmanlike, dirty mentality to encourage in the sport. Who designed football this way that makes coaches such easy preys? Someone has to come up with a rule to remove this inhuman vulnerability of tacticians. They do so much but are paid lower than the same players hired, taught and guided by them. We expect them to do magic and scrape out results. When that happens, we celebrate only the players. When it doesn’t, we fire only the coach. What a game; what a world!
Thankfully, Claudio Ranieri has reacted as beautifully as every true champion should. In his post-sack delectable statement and photos, he remained his calm, smiling self. ‘Yesterday, my dream died… The adventure was amazing and will live with me forever’. He was even on hand to personally receive a bottle of red wine and gift from a fan. As a Christian, I join him to wish the club well but – make no mistakes about this – at the risk of sounding like Achebe’s outsider, who wept louder than the bereaved, I feel a certain pain in my heart for their betrayal. Who do Leicester City FC think they are? Sans Ranieri, who would have known them? They should come to my team and learn a thing or two about patience and understanding.
Now, here’s an arsenal of half a dozen lessons the ranierilisation of Claudio’s leicestericity should teach all of us, going forward:
One, don’t get to the top too fast as you may come down even faster; two, even those who proudly celebrated your success yesterday would shamelessly disown your failure today; three, never rest on your oars because no one is truly interested in your past glory; four, the talk about sportsmanship is empty preachment in football – a greedy sport, which allows you to cheat to win (remember the Maradonic Hand of God goal?); five, never give human beings a surprise treat you cannot re-give immediately afterwards because they may eat you up.
And six, finally, tying up with the different-folks-different-strokes situation at the Emirates, always remember that success is not necessarily a guarantee for understanding. Compare and contrast Claudio Ranieri and Arsene Wenger. One won, then lost and got fired. The other lost and lost, but remains Permanent Secretary, sorry Permanent Coach. This life! I feel depressed, but I am determined to end on a high. I congratulate and celebrate Ranieri, who must rest assured that he won’t wait too long for a new job, and another season of magic. In fact, the way these things work, he might even be a Gunner before you know it!
Aso Rock actors
There is a new movie in town. The thriller is evolving, which is what makes it especially unique. While shooting is going on simultaneously at two locations (Nigeria and London), the directors and producers beam the scenes directly to the watching world. Since it’s an ongoing work, there’s no title yet; but that does not remove from the excitement because the central theme is quite obvious. Yes, the live movie focuses on the presidentlessness of Nigeria. The film combines yesterday, today and tomorrow beautifully to increase viewer’s anxiety. You don’t need to be that much a student of history to know that the ongoing movie is a Nigerian deja vu. Our prayer is that unlike episode 2010, which ended as a tragedy on 5th of May, this one shall remain the comedy that it has been hitherto. And, in case you are interested in the full version, don’t miss the next edition of this column!
Our monthly twin-awards
Every month end, we present two awards that we believe would in different ways help to build a patriotic citizenry and a united country. The message is: someone is watching you. Therefore, keep right at all times.
Fellow Nigerians, please rise and celebrate our Golden Citizen of the Month, Acting President Yemi Osinbajo. While we empathise with those directors who lost their jobs in this recession, there can be no denying that the fear of the Aso Rock Professor driving out to nowhere in particular would begin to give Nigeria wiser civil and public services. Pump more life into the system, Sir!
Ladies and Gentlemen, please sit down as I introduce the recipient of the Booby Prize for February, 2017: a few South Africans. Just what is going on in Madiba’s homeland? Why would a tiny minority shame that iconic memory so horribly? I hear it’s no more xenophobia. Does jungle justice, and against one particular people, sound better and reasonable? As perennial Big Brothers, we must never seek revenge. Far more South Africans are better than that!