Juliana Taiwo-Obalonye, Abuja Following the mass defection that has hit the All Progressives Congress (APC) across the states of the federation, members of the House of Representatives loyal to President Muhammadu Buhari, have called on the president to ensure that aggrieved parties are reconciled ahead of 2019 elections. Mass defection of APC members had been…
The modern mistress is in control. She calls the shots. The modern mistress isn’t lonely and unhappy. She isn’t waiting for a call from her married boyfriend. She knows that he is married but she doesn’t care about his wife. She enjoys her freedom and believes that she is better off than the wife he keeps at home. The modern mistress knows marriage forces the wife to cede control over her life while the modern mistress who is the other woman, who is having an illicit affair has an autonomy while she is enjoying a loving relationship at the same time.
Long gone are the days when you had sympathy for the mistress because in many instances they were ignorant. Now, she needs no pity because she is living a more glamorous life than the wife. The modern mistress knows what she is going into, she gladly walks into it and she enjoys it while it lasts. When she is done she moves on to another man. They call them serial mistresses, but I call them professional side chics. This is what their resume looks like: zero emotion, secret rendezvous, illicit sex, and an expensive lifestyle.
Moreover, the modern mistress understands that sex without commitment is fun and empowering. So she is enjoying both worlds because she knows the society conditions women into taking a back seat in a relationship and teaches them to compromise their lives to benefit their husbands. She isn’t cut out for that kind of life. For her, marriage is a no-no!
The modern mistress thrives on the excitement of falling in love and living for the moment. However, they all have one thing in common: thriving careers or businesses, tastefully furnished posh houses situated in choice areas and comfortable lifestyles.
They understand the intricacies of being the other woman, they know there is a high probability to end up with no power at all as a mistress but these ones play the game intelligently and so, they always end up holding the full deck of cards. They control things.
Unlike the popular culture of falling in love and living happily ever after, these ones have decided to question the society’s definition of a successful relationship. They get the best of the men they are having affairs with, ignore the rest and find a recipe for their happiness by living this way.
Besides, they don’t have to wash their men’s smelly boxers, clean the kitchen floor or do countless chores like the wives at home but instead they fix glittering nails, wear beautiful make up and lovely dresses and they get taken to the best restaurants in designer stiletto heels, given expensive presents and treated like a queen.
Taaaah! Whether we like it or not, the modern mistress is glamorous!
I once had a chat with a lady, who is not married, on the issue of marriage and she told me she was fine being the other woman. She was aware her boyfriend was married and she wasn’t bothered. She told me she needed her space and she enjoyed the relationship because she had a lot of independence. I asked if she wasn’t afraid. She looked into my eyes and told me there was nothing to be afraid of.
These things are happening now and we see them every day. They are our neighbours, sisters, nieces, aunties and even mothers. We see them, nod our heads, whisper in hushed tones and walk away. We are helpless. We can’t do anything about them because it’s not our business how a man decides to spend his money and treat his wife.
Despite the fact that the subject of extramarital affairs and the role of the mistress is a taboo in a modern world, it is obvious that the modern mistress is getting more sophisticated by the day.
So how come that the same topic that is often talked about in whispers, viewed as morally corrupt and that usually ends in a scandal is getting more glamorous?
Besides, an affair outside marriage is perhaps one of the oldest sins and it still remains highly unacceptable, but how come something that is highly unacceptable is thriving?
This is happening because our society supports patriarchy. It is so because our society pats all cheating men at the back. It is so because a cheating husband is seen as a virile man. We have heard it times without number that “All men cheat.” We are bored of listening to the same old lines that “men are wired like that.” It is appalling really that the same society that shames women when they are caught cheating, exonerates the men who are the chief philanderers.
A young girl is raised to marry as a virgin while the boy is allowed to sow his wild oats around. Shame! Promiscuity is an honourable badge for men while sexual purity is strictly for women. What a double standard!
That is why we have grown-up adults who can’t control their sexual appetites. That is why we have great men who call the shots in the boardrooms become weaklings at the sight of a vagina.
Statistics show that 60 per cent of men will have an extramarital affair at some point during their marriage. So, the math is very simple. When we have so many married men having affairs, then there is no way the modern mistress won’t become empowered. Ha! Her market go sell wella.
The side chics are daring now; they pick up the phones and call the wives at home. They lash out at them like they are nothing. Many married women are scared of them. They are having sleepless nights because of these ladies. Nigerian married women have burnt candles, prayed naked at night, bathed at different beaches and drank all sorts of concoctions because of the side chics, yet it is not working.
There are different types of prayer points and silent cries at night over the side chics but these girls are not relenting.
They torture these women with countless love letters, text messages and send them all the sex videos. The women are helpless; they have fought many times, cured themselves of different sexually transmitted diseases and were heartbroken but they still stayed. Why? Because the society tells them to fight for their marriages. Even when it is killing them they stay while the chief philanderer is having the best of both worlds. Chei! This is so annoying. The Nigerian married woman has been raised to take in all the crap and enjoy the pain; in as much as he is paying her bills she has no right to complain.
And so what happens to vows? Oh! That is only meant for the Nigerian wife to adhere strictly to, no matter how badly she is being treated in her marriage.
No wonder, side chics are rejecting conventions, they prefer a secretive and often tortuous relationship that they know will end up breaking homes and ruining lives.
These ones don’t care; when they are done with one man they move to the next because they know the demand is high. Even when you catch them with your husband they taunt you and they are not even bothered about the flurry of accusations, vilest missives which most involves you calling them whore or home wrecker. They dust it off their shoulders and continue the affair if they want to. You don’t tell them to stop; they leave your husband when they are done. The modern mistress is winning all and gaining all because these men who are uncontrollable made them.
Re: Your spouse is not your property!
Bonjour, Madame, Reading your column always does it for me; it’s good to see that pure, untainted logic still lives in today’s world. Well done. – 08080384841.
Bola, the idea of man, lording it over a woman, stemmed from two fronts. The difference in comparative population of male and female, which is skewed in favour women were disadvantaged in this regard in the past, leaving men in superior status in marriage. But with the advent of western education and adoption became a norm globally. Even the fact that divorce in marriage is legal when necessary, proves spousal equality in marital relationships. –Lai Ashadele.
Madam good work but you still don’t understand marriage –09057—795
Thank you Bolatito for this diagnosis of the social contract called marriage. If only couples can reflect on the life of lilies (smooth sailing)! Hope you get me. –
Bola, the Bible demanded that husbands love their wives and that the wives submit to their husbands “in everything.” By analytical reasoning, the biblical sense of husband and wife relationship is that of the property and owner. You as a property owner is expected to love your property because you acquired it with some valuable consideration or as a gift whilst the property is expected to submit and be loyal to the property owner in everything. The truth remains, if the property owner (husband) can love the property, while the property (wife) submits to the property owner in everything.
–Socrates, Awka, 0803**5*965