In marriage, Daddy Adam and Mummy Eve were not aware of the plan God was making for them. Their marriage was all God and Him alone. He knew that Adam needed a spouse and then made Eve from one of his bones and brought her to him. Both were glad to have each other, none complaining about the stature, complexion, educational attainment, et cetera, of the other. It was the same story with Isaac, Abraham’s covenant son. He and Rebekah had no hand in marrying each other.
It was a different ballgame with Jacob and at the end, he paid for it. His choice of Rachel could be called love at the first sight. Her beauty, as the eyes could see, did the attraction. When, on their wedding night, her father did him ‘419’, he rather resolved to a life of polygamy so that he would have her. Many people are like him, choosing their spouses outside the will of God. In some cases, the marriage is by compulsion. This is the lot of men, who flaunt the promise of marriage as a tool in getting bedfellows and some women fall victims easily to the ploy. One day, the women inform their ‘darlings’ of their missing period. ‘Missing what?’ the men would ask in anger and would flush them out of their houses. Sooner or later, the outcome will be the ever-increasing number of single-parents among us.
It is painful to listen to the catalogue of reasons a man, who was handholding a lady a few minutes before ‘INEC’ released the awful result of missing period, is no longer interested in marrying her. It is all about her tribe, height, education, character, et cetera, as if he is seeing her for the first time. Toughness, however, is not the sole preserve of men. There are women also, who know their onions. The pregnancy, real or imagined, gives them the singular opportunity to press for marriage. If the men try to be funny, the ladies may use death threats to subdue them. Well, generally, men are bold before ladies but a man is often a coward before a lady. If the man is active in the Church, the lady may threaten to report him to his Pastor. The man may succumb to the threat and then marry her but the couple will remain as strangers until the union is dissolved by the court.
Well, many people have married this way and one does not need to be a Prophet to know how the long journey in marriage will go. Each time they quarrel, no one is left in the dark what Uncle will say. His mantra, ‘You know that I would not have married you, if not because of this pregnancy,’ is well-known in their neighbourhood. Aunty’s recitation of the prominent men, living in the US, Canada, Britain, Germany, et cetera, who had proposed to her, even when it is not true, is also known by them.
Some women use the weapon, even when they are not pregnant, to get husbands. Uncles may advise that abortion is procured. The lady may refuse, not because abortion is strange to her case file in the hospital, but because Uncle is the man she has seen, who will kill that ugly monster of ‘Still single’ in her life. If he is married, throwing his abortion suggestion into the garbage can, she will ask him why his wife did not commit abortion for her pregnancies that produced all her children. The man, against his desire, may end up being a polygamist and peace will then take its flight. In one case, my wife and I attended a man’s wake-keep because his relation was our friend. We were compelled to put-off our mourning mood when we noticed that two of his wives were rather celebrating. They were his last two wives. They buried the hatchet, became friends, and then fought their common husband and his first wife until he died.
It is not in life only that wahala will be repete, when marriage is not contracted outside God’s will. It affects the members of the family even after Uncle’s demise. Marriage is beyond traditional engagement, Marriage Registry and wedding in the Church. It is possible for a man to do all these against his will. The wife may have also obtained the prefix, ‘Mrs’, she has eluded her all the years, and also the wedding certificate of the Church, because they did not know that she is pregnant. It is possible for the couple to have a glamorous wedding reception, with the cake, competing with the skies in height, and yet Aunty is still single in practical terms. One day, the truth will emerge, followed by regrets and they may go back to the Marriage Registry to undo what they did. The difference is the absence of the large crowd who witnessed their wedding and the feasting that went with it.
May I remind us that the cause of their problem was not that they were evil, it was only that somebody was deceived chose a spouse without consulting God. Character is difficult to know. If a spouse is chosen because of natural endowments, what happens when those things are no longer there? An accident can change that endowment overnight. Pretence can hide the true personality of someone until marriage is contracted. If the choice is based on gifting, such as sports, age can rubbish it. Had my wife married me because of my soccer skill, what happens now I am no longer playing because of age? It was in 1992 I played last in Dallas, though I scored two goals, I nearly died after the match.
But there is the God in Heaven, Who knows the past, the present and the future. He is ready and willing to give us direction in life, including marriage, if we allow Him. In that case, we must be ready to play the game by His rules. The problem is that our ways are not His ways. Many people, not only choose their spouses by themselves, but marry from the ‘bed’ before going to the Altar. That the Church accepts it, does not mean that God does. It is painful when a Minister during a wedding, asks whether the people he intends to join as husband and wife will accept the other in marriage, when Aunty’s protruding belly is revealing what had been done!
God’s children allow Him to choose their spouses for them and then avoid pre-marital intercourse. It is a sin. Some men, on their parents’ advice, will not wed until the ladies are pregnant. Their plausible argument is that they want to ensure that the ladies will be reproductive. Ask them what happens, where the ladies, though pregnant now, and the pregnancy aborts after the wedding, and there will be no other pregnancy all the years, and they keep quiet. Things are safer in God’s hands than on man’s limited wisdom.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]