The Sun News

Singles: live, enjoy, mingle

dear single Nigerian girls, this is not the time to mourn your status. This is not the time to withdraw into your shell, because you are not married.  Stop wallowing in self-pity, because no one has come to ask your hand in marriage and don’t let anyone talk down on you.

I know in this part of the world, we have been raised to believe that marriage is the ultimate achievement of every girl. We have been told times without number that marriage will make you a complete woman.

But today, I am saying that marriage is not the ultimate achievement of a woman. There is much more to life than that but I am not saying that getting married is not a good thing. Of course it is. In fact being married to your best friend is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to you.

However, because there is so much desperation out there, many single women just want to be called Mrs. at all cost. The pressure is so intense that they don’t even care whom they end up with.

Our problem in this part is that we don’t mind our business and everyone feels entitled to say something about the other person. They feel they have the right to hurry you up to your husband’s; they use every opportunity to remind you that you are getting older.

Immediately a girl clocks 25 and she’s not in any serious relationship, the pressures start and her mother is usually the chief culprit while the father pretends that he knows nothing about it. Meanwhile, he has been the one making the underground inquiries and disturbing his wife to talk to her daughters to get married on time.

Well, I really don’t have problems with parents who’re concerned about their daughters. That is love but when it becomes incessant and choking, your daughter might pick the wrong person.

Interestingly, if this nagging had stopped with the immediate family members alone, I think many singles could have been able to manage the pressure.

However, it doesn’t stop there; every aunty and uncle feel it’s their duty to remind their single nieces that their biological clocks are ticking away precariously.   Even aunties and uncles in the neighborhood she grew up, who all attended her naming ceremony would also help in calculating her age with four figure table and the way they will arrive at her menopause date, you will marvel.

Oh! Menopause! The ugly monster that hounds every single girl, as she grows older. The way   these aunties and uncles paint the picture of the dreadful menopause, these girls will have no choice but to jump quickly into the arms of the next available man who asks them out on a date.

Though our religious places should be sanctuaries of some sort for these girls but in churches or mosques you are not spared either. All your sisters and brothers in-the -Lord want to match make you with their tongue-speaking brother. Ha! All the brothers are already seeing visions of how you are drawing water from the well and how they are reading the poetic verses in songs of Solomon to you. Chei! These brothers have all the ancient songs of Solomon’s rhymes that can put a sister to sleep.

However, when you reject their advances, they will tell you are too choosy. You will be the butt of their cruel jokes and gossips. They will say, you have been cursed, because you have refused to listen to God’s voice, even when they know that you guys are not compatible.

But who are you to have a preference? After all, you have been on the shelf for so long and they are only trying to ease you out of your misery.

God help you if you are a member of any kind of fire for fire churches and if you are not married at 30 then you must have a legion of marine spirits. Or, your possessive spirit husband has refused to let you go, because he loves you dearly.

It’s so bad that you cannot even eat your jollof rice in peace at your cousin’s wedding. At the time you are about to scoop some yummy rice into your mouth, one of your grand aunties will walk up to you and say  “Nancy, you see now you are eating your cousin’s jollof rice, when are we going to eat yours too?”

 You suspend the spoon of jollof rice in the air and answer her grudgingly.

“Very soon aunty”.

“Okay, do quick, my dear we want to wear your aso ebi too”. She stands up, smiling lovingly at you and then walks away.

You manage to smile back at her and try munching the once tasty jollof rice that has suddenly turned to saw dust in your mouth.

Suddenly, you realize you have lost your appetite and tears begin to trickle down your well made up face.

Please, don’t tell me these people mean no harm! They do a lot of harm by poking their noses to where they don’t belong.  You see some of them come with different strategies on how to catch a husband and some will give you reasons why you don’t have a husband yet. These ones are the worst of them all; they will tell you the reason you are not married is because “…you are arrogant. It’s because you have a car. It’s because you are living alone. You are not married because you are behaving like a man.” Even as I am writing, my stomach is churning already, because I can’t comprehend how all these amount to a woman not being married.  What has living in a big house or driving a car got to do with a husband?

Dear single girls, if you have the money to buy a car buy one; don’t deprive yourself of a car, because you are seeking a husband. Up your games girls! Who knows you might be lucky to get a rich husband with that posh ride you have there.

If you want to rent a duplex, go ahead and do that, it will not stop any man from loving you except he is a man with low self-esteem and you don’t need such people in your life.

Go on vacations, meet people and buy good clothes. Don’t be miserable, because you are not married.  Locking yourself up in your room and crying all day won’t bring Mr. Right, go on dates. Socialize with good people and enjoy your life.

I know our society conditions single girls to be sad and filled with pity because they are unmarried. They call them all sorts of names; they say they are still single because they have been promiscuous when they were younger. Some even reason that many single girls remain single, because they have dated their husbands like boyfriends.   They think you should bury your heads in misery and hide somewhere because you have failed by not having a husband. Or probably you should be moving from one prayer house to another, looking for deliverance or going for special spiritual baths.

Aunty, stop wasting your money! Don’t let some smart people feed fat on your hard earned money. Celebrate yourself; there is nothing to be shameful about your status as a single girl. Being single is not a disease. Go and learn new things, don’t just sit and wait for Mr. husband to come and sweep you off your feet. Go out and get your master’s degree, learn a new skill or aspire for something more in life. Travel round the world. Don’t stop living, because you aren’t married yet.

Waking up each morning and realizing that you have all the day to yourself is an intensely luxurious thing. After work, you can go to the gym, read a book and go watch a movie. Once you have a family, all these become distant memories. So, own your time now and enjoy every bit of it. Your own man will come at his time.

As unattached single girl, you have financial independence now; good health and a savvy life, which allows you, make your own decisions without considering anyone else’s wants or needs. This is the magical moment and you will miss it when it’s gone, so take advantage of it.

Very soon when you start running after toddlers and cooking for someone for the rest of life, you can never have these memories back again. 

Please don’t let anyone push you into the arms of someone who is below your status, because you are desperate.  Don’t let pressures from loved ones make you fall for a bully. There are gold diggers out there, especially if you are single and rich, be careful. If they know you are desperate, they will only play up the marriage card to exploit you and when they are done they break your heart and leave you. Remember, marriage is not for everyone. Don’t be too desperate, if that relationship isn’t working, leave.

Love yourself! When a man sees how you treat “you” he will respect you.

If you are afraid of your biological clock, there are ways you can freeze your eggs and go retrieve when you are ready to have a baby. This is not a foreign thing, it’s available here in Nigeria; it doesn’t come cheap but you can save up for it.

Gorgeous girls, let us all change the narratives. Single girls are no longer miserable; they are amazing girls with exciting careers and social lives. These girls have the no bullshit attitude and they smell expensive too.

As they grow older, they feel younger too and just like old wine, they get better. After all, men have been getting away with these for years, so now it’s your time girls.


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July 2018
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