By Adetunji Olaopa To every child, at least at the very beginning of childhood, the parents are like gods and heroes. It is only very few children that do not imbue their parents with heroic attributes. And it is indeed only very few parents who retain these heroic character throughout the growth and maturation of…
If you are single, please enjoy it. Savour the flavor, because you won’t pass this way again. Even if you marry and divorce, it won’t be the same. A woman’s single years should be beautiful and exploited to the brim, whatever aspect you may think of. She owns her time and can take decisions without worrying about who’s going to raise an eyebrow. For instance, she can wear her micro-mini skirt without bothering whether a mother-in-law will crucify her tastes. She can devote as much time as she likes to her career. She can travel at the drop of a hat without having to bother about filling the freezer with 10 different kinds of soups and delicacies to be eaten in her absence. She can combine a short time course with a full-time job because all her time is hers. No husband, mummy or in-law duties. A single woman can decide to go off sex for months without having to worry about being accused of getting ‘it’ somewhere else. If she has headache, then she has headache. Imagine being able to have tea for dinner after three hours in traffic jam instead of having to wait up for the man of the manor who’ll want fresh vegetable soup or freshly squeezed fruit cocktail. She can party all Saturday and spend Sunday nursing a hangover without getting called names, or attend every church prayer mountain programme from Lagos to Ekiti without being asked if she was the one who killed Jesus. So much pleasure. You see why I said that every single woman should enjoy her singlehood because she’ll never pass that way again?
A single woman has needs. She still must have sex, even if occasionally, right? So, who can a single woman sleep with and who is taboo? Who are you sleeping with, Ms Single and Waiting? Ah, don’t gasp or sweat. Who you are sleeping with, how and what are the all-important factors, especially because you are single. There are certain types (and I’m not talking about 69 or missionary here) of sex you shouldn’t have.
A pretty-boy type may not be the best mate for you. It’s all right to dream of the six-foot tall man with athletic build. Don’t go overboard over a guy because of his build. That is like a building castle in the air.
He’ll look sexy and probably be hot in bed but that’s not all what you really need, or is it? A little extra something should be thrown in the mix.
Your Mr. Right can be short, wear glasses and still be too hot for you (with all your experience) to handle. There is more to a man than his good looks. Look inwards, look beyond his designer suit.
No instant, no drive-by, wait-and-get sex. You’ve got to know a man well before going to bed with him. The golden rule is: no sex on the first date. It has nothing to do with sophistication. Never assume anything where a man is concerned. What if he’s Evans or America? Ah, google them. Of course, you can’t be totally sure but it’s safer to know as much as you can.
Remember this guy I once told you about. He lives alone in Lagos, in a posh duplex, holds down a six-figure monthly salary and fools around, pretending to be very eligible. And what girl doesn’t want a ready-made guy? So, he got them. Meanwhile, the true situation is that he has a wife and four children hidden safely in Ogbomosho, Oyo State.
So if you’ve been sleeping with a guy like that, believing you are the main madam, stand up, take a bow and receive your trophy. That’s what I call rootless sex. Won’t do you any good. You’ll probably look back in years to come and find you have a list of lovers as long as from Lagos to Sokoto. There are many married guys in Lagos posing as bachelors. A little background check won’t hurt. Be sure you are sure of what he claims to be. Apart from running the risk of his Missus showing up with barrel-chested thugs or a bottle of acid or both, your love nest can be raided by NDLEA, DSS, EFCC or any of those alphabet agencies. And where will that take you except behind bars and with a lot of explanations to give friends, family and foes.
You can’t afford to be naïve. If he doesn’t want to use condom, then let him go elsewhere. Don’t risk unsafe sex, no matter what he tells you. There’s no reason why you should trust him. Unless of course he produces a very current HIV test result that vindicates him. Don’t let his prowess between the sheets shut down your good sense.
Sex with the boss is ….. well ….. dangerous for a single woman. In fact if you ask me, it is forbidden fruit. Avoid it as much as possible. The news will leak sooner than later.
No matter how good you are as legal counsel, once you are known to be sleeping with the head of your law firm, nobody will respect your intelligence. Rise fast and it’d be said you did it on your back on the table with the boss and on the office sofa.
Don’t forget that safe sex is not only about avoiding AIDS and STDs. It is also about preventing unwanted pregnancy. Men love kids but pregnancy they can do without. Don’t have unprotected sex with a man who’s looking for fun.
Can’t imagine the disgrace of finding yourself pregnant at 38 for a man who’ll take off to unknown parts or outrightly deny paternity the moment you tell him you’ve corked what he poured.
Multiple sexual partners can turn out to be deadly. You may not have more than one lover but how many lovers does your lover have? That is why sugar daddies and married men are dangerous sexual partners. For one, you most likely are not his girlfriend and to worsen your case, his wife (or wives) probably is (are) sleeping around too. So, you can catch anything from so many sources. Much as you are free as a single woman, you don’t seem to have sexual freedom. Golden rule number two, you must protect the cookie jar at all times.
You should keep yourself safe as much as possible for the sake of decency, your future and to prevent embarrassing diseases. And a splash of acid on your pretty face, of course.