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it is said that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but that’s not the case with some couples. After getting married, couples need some time to work out the merging of their lives.
In marriage, there will be highs and lows. There will be times when couples will feel closer to each other and there are times they will have to work hard to keep their bond tight.
The key to keeping your marriage strong isn’t difficult; it starts with noticing the signs your marriage is in a rut and then figuring out how to overcome these roadblocks.
Lots of stressors can add strain to a marriage. Having children, work, moving, losing a loved one as well as any of life’s significant events can weigh heavily on any marriage relationship.
Sometimes it’s those small everyday spats that start to water down the spice your marriage once had. It can sneak up from behind and cause you to look over your shoulder, glancing back at your relationship and making you nostalgic about the good old days.
Are you and your spouse fighting like mad? Are you both bored in the bedroom? Are you skipping the sweet talk? It happens in many marriages, but you have to do something to change it.
Every relationship is bound to go through a rut at some time or another. The important thing is diagnosing and fixing the problem early so you and your beloved can get back on track.
Experiencing a rut in your marriage doesn’t mean the thrill is gone forever, it just means you need to call attention to that area of your relationship and get cracking on ways to fix it.
If you notice any of these signs of marriage rut, talk with your spouse and work together about bringing back the spice into your marriage.
You are bored
If you find yourself bored with your spouse more often than not, you’ll want to explore ways to change that. Partners who feel bored when together tend to drift apart. This is one rut that, if left unattended, could lead to more serious issues.
Your phone is more fun
When you finally have some time alone with your partner, but you are both staring at your phone, it’s time to take notice. Couples should stick to the rule of no phones when it’s just the two of them, whether they are out on a date. Not having that distraction forces couples to talk and laugh and catch up.
You are not taking responsibility
If you and your spouse are having trouble moving past conflict, it’s a sign you are in a rut. Experiencing a marriage rut usually takes two, not handling conflict in an effective way keeps your relationship stuck in that rut.
You are in a sex rut
Marriage dips and sex ruts tend to go hand in hand. Sex is an important piece of keeping a relationship alive. Not having sex, or avoiding intimacy with your spouse means something needs to change if you want to have a strong relationship.
You are jealous of TV couples
Does watching a show with two teens in love make you wish you were young and dating again? Pining for that special loving feeling and wishing you still felt those butterflies is a good signs you are in a marriage rut.
Your fights are repetitious
Are you bickering over the same old things? Chances are, you are in a marriage rut. Having the same fights over and over means your relationship is stuck, and the conflict is definitely not being resolved.
You don’t have date nights
It doesn’t have to be something spectacular, but spending one-on-one time with your spouse helps build up your marriage. Staying too long without a date night puts a strain in a relationship. So bust out the calendar and get something on the books before another weekend comes and goes.
You are low on affection
You don’t need an hour-long make out session to keep the flame burning in your relationship it just takes some simple affection. Hugging, kissing, and cuddling are a few of the ways for creating a close feeling between you and your partner. If you can’t remember the last time you hugged your spouse, your marriage needs a literal hands on approach to pull out of this rut.
You only talk business
It’s easy to get wrapped up in chatting about the business of family and kids when you have a quiet moment with your spouse, but if you have nothing else to talk about except schedules, you have a problem on your hands. Keeping the topics off of kids and home life helps keep your marriage fresh and fun.
You are no longer friends
If you wouldn’t choose your spouse as someone to be friends with, your relationship is suffering from a rut. Connecting as friends plays a huge role in marriage longevity, and is needed to sustain a long term relationship.
You don’t take time apart
It might sound backwards, but the reason for your rut may be too much time together. Spending time apart from your partner gives you both a chance to grow individually in ways that could eventually bring you two closer.