A video of a marriage proposal which turned sour went viral on social media last week. This video sparked a lot of controversies on social media. For those who didn’t see the video, this is the gist. A young lady proposed to her boyfriend at Ikeja shopping mall but the boyfriend rejected her marriage proposal and the lady became hysterical.
However, let us hear what Joromi and Kamilu have to say about this issue. They have been at each other’s throat over this discussion for days now and I am really helpless.
Joromi: That girl fall my hand no be small oh! How can she be desperate to ask a man to marry her?
Kamilu: Desperate? She asked her man to marry her and you call her desperate? Why should she wait for him to propose, after all you are into a relationship with the intention of getting married? So whoever is ready should ask.
Joromi: Kamilu! Kamilu!! Kamilu!!! How many times did I call you?
Kamilu: Please stop screaming in my ears! You called me three times.
Joromi: It is people like you who want to spoil the world. It is very wrong for a woman to propose to a man.
Kamilu: A woman waiting for a man to propose is patriarchy bullshit. It is sexism, double standards, implicit bias and unfair burden placed on the shoulder of women. How do you leave the fate of women in the hands of men?
Joromi: Kamilu! Stop all the grammar and face the reality. A man should propose to a woman and not the other way around. That is our tradition. It is very unromantic for a woman to do so.
Kamilu: Oh! Tradition is now romantic, sebi? You make me laugh. Joromi the only difference between a person who is on his knees is the genitals. Nothing more. It makes little difference if it is a man or a woman. They are both in love and either of them should be able to make a choice. Let us make tradition a choice and not a mandate joor!
Joromi: Aside from the fact that marriage is God’s idea and you don’t tamper with God’s order. Men are naturally born to pursue and conquer. It is so sweet to see a guy so smitten that he asks for marriage but for a woman? Oh! Where is the bin? I wanna puke!
Kamilu: So, you have moved from tradition now into religion. I won’t stay here and discuss religion with you. Religion proves nothing! I want facts.
Joromi: Fact kor, fanta ni! What about scientific researches? Go on google and find the facts yourself. There are many studies that have proven that women prefer men to go on their knees and ask for their hand in marriage.
Kamilu: To an extent I agree. Sadly, many of these women shouting gender equality and feminism are always ecstatic with joy when they are being proposed to. A woman must always wait for a man to make a decision about her life. When a man wants to marry a woman he goes to ask her father. When she is walking down the aisle on her wedding day, she walks down with her father. So a woman’s life revolves around men. The fate of every woman is in the hands of men. Oh! How annoying!
Joromi: I don’t care how you feel about these things but people like me won’t allow your western ideas to succeed here in our country. It is an abomination for a woman to ask a man for marriage. Moreover, gender equality is much deeper than a marriage proposal.
Kamilu: If women and men are equal then a woman should be able to make a marriage proposal. The fate of women shouldn’t be in the hands of men, it should be in their own hands. Shikena!
Joromi: That’s very myopic. And you make a noble movement laughable with your sentiments. I think the core aspect of gender equality should be on educating the girl child, eradication of any form of discrimination against the girl child and women. Empowering women and girls, expansion of women’s access to justice by improving their psychological well being. Combating gender based violence and the eradication of child marriage in our country.
But we forget all these problems and we prefer to act out the non consequential ones. Such as a marriage proposal! Tueh!
Kamilu: You are not getting my point here. For instance passing on some part of history that strengthens our bonds together is a good tradition. But what I dislike are traditions that subjugate women because I am worried about the long term implications of holding up some archaic practices that undermine the female gender.
Joromi: And you think a woman asking a man to marry him will be the solution to all these problems I mentioned? You better go and purge your head from brain constipation that is worrying you. When you pick up ideas and you don’t sift it, this is what happens to you. The same thing happened to that girl. She got carried away and believe me no matter how liberal a Nigerian man is, locked inside of him is a man with core traditional values.
Kamilu: No way! There is a model I will call the new Nigerian men, they are Nigerian men who are unlearning many of these barbaric cultures and traditions.
Joromi: Hian! Like the ones on social media abi? Are they for real? They are the ones confusing these young girls and after these girls have swallowed everything hook, line and sinker, they try it out and get heartbroken. Kamilu, Nigerian men are not ready for marriage proposal from women. Not now! Not in the next twenty years! It is a culture shock.
Kamilu: Wait a second. It is a gradual process and I know we can’t get an instant result but someday we will get there. Martin Luther King had a dream many years ago and I have a dream…!
Joromi: Shut up! Joseph the dreamer. A lot of women cannot handle rejection and so that lady took it badly. Men handle rejection better because they have been wired like that.
Kamilu: Are you telling me that gender equality for women only applies to things that are not difficult?
Joromi: Do you have cotton buds there, Kamilu?
Joromi: No, why?
Kamilu: If you don’t then, I may have to call in the laundry service to come clean your ears. I never said or implied that in my argument. Women should take charge of their lives but they should leave the marriage proposals to men.
Kamilu: Times have changed Joromi. Women should pop the questions to their significant others. Many women have done that in the western world and are happily married.
Joromi: Keep dreaming. When you are done with building an icy castle in the thin air in dreamland, then you will wake up to our reality. This is Naija!!!
Well as for me, I think men should take charge of the proposals. I can’t just deal with planning a proposal, buying a ring, being sweaty, the fear of rejection and excitement in a roll. I think I would prefer being asked and having the choice to say a no or yes, is more like having super powers. Moreover, I think it is more magical when a man asks the woman of his dreams to marry him. I would rather deal with the butterflies fluttering in my tummy than going down on my knees. Or what do you think? Should women make marriage proposals?
Re: A letter to every Nigerian woman
Bola, your call on women in marriage to exploit their talents, is in line with the current trend in marital relationships principally because of its economic advantage of helping the husband in financing some aspects of family needs. In a few cases, working wives are really the financial bearers of their family needs. Also, a working wife might be protected from danger of running into the ploys of randy men who are usually ready with whatever price it would take to get at their target, a situation non-working women are prone to experience. Pardon me, I was looking forward to a rider in your piece pleading with women to ensure they carry their husbands along in their working bid to keep their marital relationships intact. I am sure you did that in your case, no doubt. –Lai Ashadele.
My dear sis Bola, your write ups are too peppery to some people and too sugar-coated to some but my verdict is that at least you are doing something. People are already too stubborn, do not make them to be more stubborn. –Romanus Idiroko
Dear, you are really touching lives via your write ups. l buy Sunday sun always and the letter to every woman is a message to everyone indeed. After reading it, l was touched to hand the newspaper over to my two girls. May the Almighty enrich you greatly. –Mrs Florence Onwo (ACTRESS)
Your articles are always very inspiring and motivating. This weeks’ write-up is wonderful. Any woman whether married or single who is idling about after reading it must be motivated to do something to help herself. Unfortunately, most women are lazy and always want to be dependent on their husbands. Such women should go and read the Bible, Proverbs 31 vs 10-31. GOD created women to be helpers not leeches.
–Dr. (Mrs.) Uche.