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‘She wants to date me and other guys’

dear Njigirl,

It will be our 25th wedding anniversary next January and you know I am excited. I toughened it out and need to celebrate. So, I am planning the party but I don’t want any kids younger than 14 to attend.

Some of our friends still have 10 year olds and younger but I am excluding them in the invite and have told them except they find babysitters; they are ok with that arrangement. My sister-in-law has four children all under eight. She is refusing to attend at all instead of finding a sitter to care for her children while she celebrates with us. I definitely do not want her kids ruining my evening. Am I being selfish if I also exclude her?

ν Monique

Dear Monique,

There is nothing wrong with planning and having a no-kid anniversary especially one that you feel you that you deserve. I think the question is really whether your sister-in-law is being selfish by refusing to leave her kids with a babysitter so she can attend your kid-free anniversary. If that is the question you want to ask, well it depends on several things.

How close are you with this sister-in-law? Is she financially able to hire a sitter the entire night? If she   is able to pay a sitter but expects you and her brother to pay then obviously there’s some kind of issue going on. Whether that issue is with you or the fact that you are happy with her brother while her own marriage leaves much to be desired is for her to know and for you to find out. So, why not call her up, offer to pay for the sitter and then ask her what the problem might be. 

If she still insists on bringing her children or she doesn’t show up, do not take it personally. Respectfully let her know that the offer for baby sitter is still on the table for a few more days after which she would be completely crossed out of the anniversary party list.

Whatever the issue is, you shouldn’t take it personally. I can understand why you’re disappointed and maybe hurt, but, since she is being stubborn about it, just ignore her and concentrate on planning the party. Although it is obvious she does not care for you, I believe she will be feeling convicted right about now and might decide to take up your offer rather than miss her brother’s wedding anniversary.

ν Dr. NJ

hello Njigirl,

i have been dating this girl for three months and she is definitely very exciting. We have fun together but she wants to keep going out with other guys. Am I supposed to be ok with that?

νKevin

Dear Kevin,

I understand that you have only been dating for three months but the issue is whether you both signed up for an exclusive relationship or not.  If you did and you are feeling this way then it is possible that you are starting to grow more tender towards her. Are you falling in love? How do you think she feels about you?

I suspect that she wants to be free and unattached even though she likes you. Why not play it slow and see where her heart is before making demands of her? It is possible that if you have as much fun as you say that you have, she might wish to be with you exclusively.

ν Dr. NJ

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1 Comment

  1. alain 6th August 2017 at 4:25 pm

    I would be tired of menstruation all time, excuse all the time, no.

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