In the past when polygamy was a way of life among Africans, our fathers had their rooms to themselves, while their wives and kids had theirs. As a wife, you only come to your husband’s room when it is your turn to be with him or if he requests your presence. Appearing or just barging into his room uninvited may earn you sanctions.
Even in the holy bible, this could be seen when Queen Esther fasted and prayed before she appeared before her husband the king uninvited (if I perish, I perish) to plead the cause of her people.
As civilization and christianity were introduced, husbands and wives began to share same bedroom and space. They feel that it makes their bond stronger, their love last longer, but is that truly the case? Are married couples really happier sharing the same space?
Let’s put living in same space into perspective: A man in his early 50s regrets not giving his wife her own room from day one. He saw no reason for not sharing same room with the woman he calls his wife. She is the love of his life and the mother of his unborn children. So, when his architect suggested a madam’s bedroom in his building design, he insisted he would share same room with his wife.
But just a year or two after their wedding, he felt he would have listened to his architect. He claims she took over the whole space, her clothes, shoes and bags have taken up the wardrobe. Her creams, make up kits, perfumes have occupied the dressing table, while his own clothes and shoes that are few in number were given just a little space by the corner of the wardrobe and that has left him living and feeling like a stranger in his own house because she has completely taken over the entire space. Though he has kept the pain to himself and only wish he could turn back the hands of time, but it was too late.
Another young married man in his early 30s made provision for madam’s room from day one. While madam sleeps and wakes in his room, her personal effects are in her own room. But with the coming of their first baby, madam had to sleep in her own room with their new born to give her husband some space to rest well. The husband who was already cheating on his wife even before she put to bed took his cheating a notch higher. He got comfortable staying up late with his girlfriend on phone owing to the fact that his wife was away in her own room. He was so comfortable and enjoying the space but deep down, he could feel he was drifting from his wife. He had to put a stop to his calls by insisting his wife and their new born returned to his bedroom at night or he joins them at bed time in her own room. He didn’t like the too much freedom because he messes around in the day and still brings it home at night. To him, it should not be so.
Sharing the same room with your spouse is not the problem. It is what you two do with your spaces that matter. That there is a madam’s room does not mean she doesn’t share her husband’s bed or sleep on his bed. She literally lives her nightlife in his room but having separate rooms is just for keeping their personal stuff.
While there is an organised spouse, there is also a disorganised spouse. Instead of bickering and nagging your partner out on how unorganised he or she is, you would have peace knowing that you have the option of avoiding their space until they fix it.
There are times men return home and just wish to be left alone so they can rest in peace with nobody opening and shutting the door or turning on the light at intervals. At such times when a husband and wife shares the same room, it may snowball into a big fight when he snaps or yells at her to give him space.
What about when he/she hates light or noise while asleep, but you can’t sleep because he/she is snoring away or your are having a sleepless night and you just wish to put on the television or read a book while tucked under the duvet? With his/her own room just by the next door, you can just slip in there and get to chat with your friends on phone, read a book or watch a movie.
While some partners believe they may grow apart sharing separate rooms, some partners live Iike cats and dogs sharing the same room. They are constantly bickering because they are in each other’s space and faces all day and everyday.
I for one love my space. I will need my own room in my husband’s house for my clothes, shoes, handbags, jewelries, books, cosmetics, long talks on phone, late TV, movie time etc. It is a room where I’ll cool off when hubby returns home and he’s not in the mood to be disturbed and left alone. It is the room I’ll stay in when we have our little fights, I’ll hate to see him pick up the car keys to drive off because he needs some space to think. I would rather he cools off in his room alone than drive out in anger. I’ll give him his space by staying in my own room until we are ready to settle our differences.
On a lighter note, You are aware that men can fart uncontrollably, most times at night. They pass out very poisonous gas and laugh while at it. At such times, I need to stay away in my own room until his stomach heals of whatever is making him fart or making his fart smell that badly before he suffocates me
In essence, sharing same bed space as husband and wife is a perfect idea, but having separate rooms where your personal effects are kept is very important too. This also depends largely on if you can afford it. If you can afford to give your wife her own room, go ahead and give her one, but if you don’t have the means for now, share your space and manage it well.
Won’t you love a room to yourself?
When you return home, get to your own room and fling your shoes to either North or South, your clothes on the floor and your file on your bed, if that’s your style and head straight to your bathroom for a good shower, you may decide to stay put in the shower for some time. When you are fully rested, then you can arrange those scattered stuffs appropriately, rather than having your partner breathing down your neck to fix those things because they are organised freaks.
With all these lessons, if I am your wife and I ask for my own room, won’t you give me one? Remember that I will always be in your room with you every night, I just want a room to keep my personal stuff.