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Self-pity: A defeatist attitude you must attack

Anyone who desires to succeed must be prepared to endure frustration, major disappointments, betrayal, and all the negative factors that every champion must overcome. That’s the reality of life. You either take it or leave it.

Every success story has a string of sad, sad, interludes that give you every valid reason to give up the fight. But just when you are about to throw in the towel and say, “I’ve had enough!” is usually the point where success is within your reach. Never indulge yourself in self-pity. Most of us humans are always looking for a shoulder to lean on and cry. Not everyone is lucky to have someone to learn on. So, we join the pity party and blame everyone around us for our failure. We throw the darts at parents, friends, foes, relatives, pastors, school teachers, colleagues, etc. Everyone around is the cause of your-failure but yourself.

The truth about it is that it is impossible for you to fail without own cooperation. I have faced sabotage a couple of times but I refused to lie down and die. Failure is an inevitable experience for anyone who must succeed. You must fail in some ventures before you succeed. That’s a hard fact to accept but it is true.

Quit self-pity. Get up and jump on your bike and pedal again. Know this for a truth. Self-pity gets you nowhere. You just grumble and pour out your frustration and transfer aggression to people who would never agree that they caused your failure.
You are bound to get a beating before you can become a champion. In boxing, if you can’t take punches, you can’t win or beat your opponent. There’s no room for self-pity in the ring of life. Just make sure you understand this fact. Your story of failed projects won’t impress anyone. All you need do is to put up a brave face and learn from your mistakes. That’s the beginning of your journey to the destination called success.

You don’t need to feel sorry for yourself because you lost a helper, a beloved spouse to divorce or death, or that a close friend you trusted so much cheated you in a business. Maybe the other guy cheated you because you were not smart enough to see the tell-tale signs of betrayal. There’s always a sign that something ominous is looming but, sometimes we are too careless to take note.
Next time you are cooking up a deal, be very, very, circumspect. The Bible says we should be wise as a serpent, without becoming evil like the serpent. In this world, if you are not smart, people may take advantage of you. Rather than wallow in self-pity, learn to avoid your past pit-falls. Do a very critical self-appraisal. Ask yourself realistic questions without giving yourself a harsh blow. Don’t despise yourself.

You may ask honest friends to evaluate your failed projects, for independent assessment or unbiased opinions may help you detect your errors, and so you avoid them in the future. Self-pity is dangerous because, apart from the pain it wrought on bitterness, you may be demoralized. It is alright if someone pity’s you. To pity yourself is to admit that your case is closed and hopeless. Yet, it is not over until it is over.

I try to avoid crying over spilled milk. For there’s little or nothing you can do about it. Just look for ways to get some fresh milk all over. It is not a crime to make mistakes. Admit your errors and be honest to accept the fact that your destiny has been placed in your hands by the Almighty God. It is your duty to decide to change your circumstances if you don’t like them. Don’t push that role to someone else

Many years ago, I missed secondary school education. Rather than blame my poor parents who struggled to send my seniors and siblings to secondary schools and universities, and put me in a roadside automobile workshop to learn mechanics, I decided to educate myself. Thank God, I made it.

Today, I may not be a university graduate; I was able to pass G.C.E, O & A levels through private tutorial. With God helping me, I have changed my destiny. I have said it many times; you can be the best you want to be. Its entirely your own business. Please don’t say, Ladi, you are lucky or exceptional. If that is so, you too can decide to be an exception and create your own luck! My idea of luck is that you take your chances. You may never get another.

Failure is just an event. You don’t have to accept it. Self-pity is a foolish emotional expression that portrays you as a weakling who can’t fight. If you get a beating from life’s terrible circumstances, fight back. God has placed in all of us the spirit of an overcomer.

Nature is unkind, life can be very unfair. But you can create the change you want to make.
Remember, even God’s Almighty Son, Jesus was threatened by nature’s ill wind, but he rebuked the storm that was sinking his boat. “Be still” Jesus commanded, and the violent waves were calm. Learn to rebuke your storm rather than wallow in self-pity.

Weekend Spice: Persistence is stubbornness with a purpose- Rich De Vose.
Folks, let’s do it again next Friday. Stay motivated.

Ladi Ayodeji is an Author, Rights Activist, Pastor and Life coach. He can be reached on 09059243004( sms & whatsapp only)

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