Wole Balogun, Ado Ekiti Fulani herders in Ekiti State and South West have taken a traditional oath binding to assure the host communities in Ekiti, and by extension, the South West, that they will no longer kill or allow their cows to stray into farms. The oath, said to be an effective cultural sanction on…
Problems are part of relationships. While some problems can be tackled by couples, others are a lot harder to solve. Below are some weighty relationship problems that just can’t be fixed.
You have contempt for each other
Make no mistake: If left unchecked, finger-pointing, sarcasm and contempt will chip away at the foundation of your marriage. Contempt has been identified as a predicator of divorce.
This kind of behavior creates a culture of disconnect. If one or both partners are unwilling to soften the marital conversation and stop fighting, the problem will get worse until there is no coming back.
Your partner is needlessly argumentative
There will be times when your opinion on an issue is so starkly different from that of your spouse. Couples need to agree to disagree. As a couple, you need to recognize that no one wins when one of you always has to be right.
It’s a problem if one or both partners provoke arguments and then look for reasons to not forgive the other. What makes it worse is when the inability to forgive is followed by a refusal to discuss the issue further.
There’s chronic infidelity
Being in a relationship with a serial cheater is nothing short of exhausting. The relationship can be repaired, but only if the unfaithful partner is honest about what happened and fully prepared to leave the affair behind. If not, heartbreak is inevitable.
People vary in how willing they are to put up with infidelity. Many eventually give up trying to fix their relationships. They simply decide they have had enough broken promises. They realize that enough is enough
Your partner is distant or secretive about where they go
While time apart is essential in any relationship, what your partner does with their free time shouldn’t be some great mystery. There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.
Too much secrecy can leave you feeling abandoned emotionally as well as physically, even when your partner is home. A marriage needs sharing, accountability and openness.
You have incompatible sex drives
Don’t shortchange yourself when it comes to sex. For most people, a mutually fulfilling sex life is incredibly important in a long-term relationship. That’s exactly why you should establish your sexual compatibility early on.
If your spouse has zero interest in sharing sexual pleasures but you treasure your sexuality, your partner might end up feeling less interesting to you. And you may begin to feel that a marriage without sex is unacceptable.
Your partner pushes you away
If you feel comfortable being close and intimate, but your partner has an avoidant and dismissive attachment style, it’s going to be difficult for you to bridge that gap.
It can be annoying to be with someone who is highly avoidant. In fact, it can turn a normally calm and self-assured person into a bundle of neediness.
It chips away at your self-esteem to be with someone who shows you no affection or compliments, engages in mechanical sex and has no desire for closeness with you.
Your partner is a narcissist
If your partner truly has narcissistic personality disorder as opposed to someone with narcissistic traits, maintaining your relationship is going to be an uphill battle. They will only be thinking about themselves without considering your feelings.
It is not uncommon for the narcissistic partner to sometimes throw a bone here and there, giving the other partner hope that they are finally beginning to evolve in a way that will save the relationship. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long. Most of the time, they criticize you for making their life miserable.
You can’t open up to each other
You need to feel comfortable laying bare your problems and frustrations with your partner. It’s problematic if one of you prefers to keep your emotions bottled up.
If you are not expressing your feelings, you may start to feel anxious or disappointed in the relationship. You don’t want to end up distancing yourself from your partner, giving up on them prematurely, or feeling depressed about your relationship.
That’s exactly how you will feel if one or both of you don’t express what you are feeling. Expressing your frustrations and fears to your partner shows them that you trust them with your problems. It strengthens your relationship.